So when I worked in last 2 roles, I’d joke around and have a laugh with colleagues, the workplace culture of those places I guess was more relaxed, but I got that sense of lack of camaderie or fellowmanship from others too during my time working.
Sorry to be naive, but is it because some people look out for themselves and it’s kind of “Yeah you’re a funny guy but uh… when shit hits the fan I ain’t there with you” kind of shtick.
Not saying these guys are assholes or anything, but I just think with the current world in any work industry it seems to be tricky to make real friendships inside and outside of work.
I don’t know if this just me but I notice that big distinction of the joking around and sharing the same invested topics (I.e. video games) but no more than that
TLDR - Confused if people are being genuine, but they don’t really “care” in a sense?
Please let me know if I’m spouting gobbledygook, thank you.
Different companies have different broad cultures, and different subcultures within teams. Some companies just don’t have a sense of camaraderie built into their broad culture.
One thing that people don’t always understand, and I always point this out to people I work with, is that your professional relationships are much more important than the company itself. Everybody is going to move on from their current job some day. When that day comes, they will benefit from having strong relationships with past team mates, either by knowing folks who can help them get new work, or by knowing folks who they can bring in to tackle projects at the new job.
Your professional network is one of your most valuable assets in your career. The people you work with are real people, with real families. Relationships with great team mates are more important than the company you both work at now, and will outlast your time at that company. Camaraderie is key to that whole scenario. Make sure you reach out to people you respect and enjoy working with and tell them how much you value that professional relationship. You will both be better off for it.
I always say: if I’m ever in a situation where I need a job and can only get one with a former employer - do I want them to say “hell yeah” or “hell no”?
I’ve worked with people who, if they had to ask me for a reference, I would decline to give one. By the same token, I would reject their application for a job in my company or team. And I have worked with the opposite - people who will always under any circumstances get help from me if they’re looking for a job. All the competence in the world doesn’t help if someone is miserable to be around.
Having contacts, people who are willing to give references and similar always helps. Sure, you can do job hunting hard mode, but why make things unnecessarily difficult?
I work in a restaurant and most of us are friends at this point. We drink together, smoke weed together, and generally enjoy each other’s company
Restaurant friendships are smth else 👌👌
I miss the restaurant. FoH was always a slow cat-fight with lots of low-key drama. You make a few friends, turn some tables, grab a beer and go home. It’s uncomplicated work (simple doesn’t always mean easy), or was in my time.
At the IT jobs you have the passionate and the jobbers. I enjoy debating stupid tech things with people but I get that at the end of the day they all go home to their families and real friends after. Our big deal is that even when we’re fighting or Dave’s being a right prick today, we can cooperate and work together like professional adults; and then some of us will hotly debate when and why ipv6 will never happen or something lile that.
But that may be an IT thing. They throw you together for a few years until they cut away half your team, and you have to decide how close you are as friends. The job I quit last year, some of us are on great terms, and we’re meeting tonight. I’m still on a Skype chat - sometimes a call, usually a rolling chat - with some peers from 2003.
There’s no rule that requires you to be friends with your workmates. Sometimes you are, but don’t force it. If you can work professionally with the dinks and make 1-2 actual friends, that’s maybe okay. Ultimately you need to survive work to live, and a good social connection is a bonus that isn’t always gonna happen.
My work team is very close. It’s the reason we all stay. We range from 1 to 34 years and people only leave if they’re retiring or moving for a spouse job. Our office is shelter from the shit going on in the rest of the district. That said, it’s beginning to penetrate and, after 16 years, i may be the first one to just walk.
You all should have a better reason to stay
We love our work. Having a vey close, supportive team makes us able to tolerate the shit that rains down from above sometimes.
I never plan to stay very long at most jobs I’ve had. I’m just doing them because I need money. Something better comes along, I leave. So I don’t really feel like making relationships with people I don’t think I’ll work with very long.
They’re just there for a paycheck, relax. Just do the job and head home.
Poor leadership. A good leader can set the tone for better or worse. Unfortunately leadership is very rarely taught, so bosses tend fall back on their upbringing. A leader is at the front working harder than everyone else and suffering with their team, a boss is at the back telling everyone to work harder while suffering nothing. A boss who is also a leader is far to rare.
It really depends on the people and the environment. I’ve worked places where the whole crew would go out after work quite frequently, and we had a great time, other places, I barely learned people’s names.
I like chatting with coworkers and building a “more than just a coworker” relationship, but I don’t need it, so I don’t push for it. More of a door’s open if you want, kind of thing for me.
Yeah it’s pretty gobbledygook. Don’t think you explained yourself that well.
Many people just want to do their job and go home. They don’t want to make friends. Or they have no motivation to do anything beyond what they are paid for to help the company or colleagues.
Which is totally fair enough to me. If I didn’t need to work to live I 100% wouldn’t. Even though I quite enjoy my job and like the people I work with.
Lots of conjecture incoming:
I’ve asked myself this same question, and coming from a military background rather than anything more typical, I think it coalesces as something altogether different depending on the situation.
When I was stuck on a ship with hundreds of others, underway two or three weeks out of every month, 6 to 8 month deployments sprinkled in just for fun… Hard not to come out of a situation like that with some lifelong friendships.
On the other hand, in the years when I wasn’t on a ship, almost regardless of the work, even if we were friendly during the day, when the time came to go home it was like cockroaches when the lights come on.
I’ve come to the conclusion all these years later that it was some combination of shared hardship, forced closeness, security in employment, and a core belief that we were all working toward the same goal. We were in it together, and it felt like it.
Social relationships come from everywhere, even work, and while there are many people who worry that friendships at work will distract from… I don’t know… There are still plenty of people out there who want to make the day go by a little faster by working with a friend.
Maybe it just comes down to people not being committed to their work, because why would you be? Sticking your neck out, working extra, helping others, etc. are punished in a lot of different little ways, to the point that the best alternative is just to hop between jobs, staying one step ahead of accidentally giving a fuck.
DoD work (both civilian and active duty) tends to bind people together a lot more than other industries, in no small part due to the factors you mentioned, but also because a) the additional barriers of national security/clearance work make it only really possible to vent about work to coworkers/friends from work, b) the work can often be unique enough that only coworkers have shared experiences to bond over and empathize with, and c) the civilian side of the DoD tends to attract career folks a lot more than it does transitory people. I think a disproportionate amount (when compared to private industry) of civilians who hire into the DoD stay in federal service for their whole careers. And people sticking around their whole careers tend to invest more in personal and professional relationships in the workplace, because networking is how you get opportunities, and you never know who you might owe a favor some day (or who might owe you one).
Spot on. This lack of secure employment (and yes, also probably lack of sense of purpose) also undermines the social relationships necessary to collectively bargain (with a union or not) for better working conditions. When workers don’t feel they have each other’s back, they are less likely to pressure an employer for better pay and conditions.
There is no incentive to doing note than bare min at work and helping people is more hassle than it is worth.
With that said, you ain’t got to be toxic but most work is just that straight up toxic lol
This is a pretty insightful comment.
I’ve come to the conclusion all these years later that it was some combination of shared hardship, forced closeness, security in employment, and a core belief that we were all working toward the same goal. We were in it together, and it felt like it.
This seems to explain why people who work in restaurants can often be close. There’s the shared hardship of dealing with a dinner rush, there’s a lot of forced closeness in the kitchen, and everybody’s working towards the same goal, whether that’s just getting through the shift, or trying to produce a really amazing dining experience.
There’s probably another one: depending on other people who work right next to you. If you’re working alongside other people but everybody’s working on their own project it’s going to be different than if you depend directly on the person next to you for whatever you’re doing.
Maybe it just comes down to people not being committed to their work
I think it’s the lack of all the things you mentioned. At an office job the hardship is pretty mild other than occasional “crunch time”. There’s some forced closeness, especially when people are crammed into an open-style office. But, I don’t think that’s the same kind of closeness you get in kitchen, or on a ship, or in a factory. You may be working towards the same goal, but it’s often a nebulous and distant goal. And, often, the goal isn’t something that feels particularly meaningful. You’re helping ship a product that may or may not be vaguely useful to some customers you’ll probably never meet.
But, I think the big thing is the lack of security. In the military you literally can’t leave, and unless you do something insane you’re not going to get fired. At most jobs, it’s extremely easy to leave, and many people feel like they’re always on the edge of being fired or laid off.
So I went through fire academy in a trade school. We had a small class of 12 and months of mutual challenges. Learning how to get gear on, buddy checks, doing search and rescue searches crawling around blindfolded. Then doing live fire training in an old abanodoned house the academy bought for us, cutting open cars etc. It was the closest “Band of Brothers” feeling I’ve ever had with a group.
In the military it’s similar but not as intense imo. Still being with the same group with the same goal forms bonds and friendships. After going to your usit we mostly do the same thing as everyone else. Clock in and clock out trying to get shit done asap to maximize free time, but we still have spent deployments and tdys together. We give a shit about the big picture when it counts (large operations, helping Ukraine etc) but on the daily we mostly just try to help each other get through the day but it’s not totally friends centered. Bottom line is still that we’re all here to do a job, but that doesn’t mean you have to be socially isolated.
Because people know bosses pit employees against each other.
People I know from work are work aquantices. Some I have been rather fond of but at the end of the day friends are people I hang with when im not working. I personally have not had work friends. Its like friends vs schoolmates. I have had friends that were also schoolmates but plenty of schoolmates that were not. Again not that I did not like them or that I did not share a laugh with them here and there but it comes down to hanging outside of the required to be at thing.
Trust me, as someone who has that right now I dearly wish I didn’t. It’s false & unhelpful. Especially when there needs to be a painful change but people refuse.
Did you mean Camaraderie?
Yeah sorry lol, Guess the autocorrect didn’t fix it there for me!
In my experience Boomers, Gen X and older Millennials generally want to socialize at work. They grew up in a office environment where you were constantly around your coworkers and social media was in its infancy.
Younger Millennials and GenZ mostly want to make a paycheck and go home. They generally don’t want to socialize with people outside of their circle. I sometimes think genZ is way happier at home 24/7 and don’t want human interaction. Could also be they just don’t have the money for it.
I think it depends on the industry and circle of friends you can find in that work place. Someone I know works in an oil chang place and they tell off color jokes and what not. I work in corporate and almost nobody does that. I also avoid creating that kind of relationship at work because I’ve been burned on drama from those types of connections. But I still manage to have a couple of people I trust and we’ll joke around and curse.
