I just got out of a 10+ year relationship a couple months ago, rather suddenly and not of my own volition. I do not fault my former partner, she did what she felt she had to do to be happy. Unfortunately, turns out, I didn’t really have any friends of my own, I was just a hanger-on to her group. I have done a bad job of keeping in touch with anyone outside of this group, and I find myself very lonely nowadays.
Things have been tough for me for this and several other reasons the last couple years, and while I am incredibly thankful for my family taking me back in and supporting me while I get back on my feet, they can’t be the only people I interact with. That said, how does one actually accomplish this? I’m pushing 40, I live in a rural area (30 minute drive to anything that isn’t run and populated by out-and-out racists), and I’m broke as hell. I’m not particularly even interested in dating, just making some new friends and not being so lonely all the time. Where can you go and what can you do nowadays that doesn’t cost a bunch of money and people are willing to talk to strangers? Internet or IRL, I suppose, but IRL is better because God I need to get out of the house more.
First off, feel you man. Must be rough.
About meeting new people, you could look into trips in the future with groups, a friend of mine met at least one person he keeps in touch with. Maybe there are some free/not too expensive hobbies you could engage in. Few examples: hiking, climbing, crafts In those places you’re bound to meet people and if you’re at least half decent, you’ll engage with the people there and those might just be your future friends
Group hobbies, amateur sports, maker zones, birdwatching, sometimes even just fishing off of a dock.
Find something fun to do that gets you around other people
Organized hobbies have been the key for me. Gives me a place to go, forces me to be minimally social, but can allow for multiple events so the pressure is reduced to make the most of every outing. Plus you have something else you’re enjoying. Everyone’s recommendations of sports or gaming falls right in line with this. But I have other hobbies I love like woodworking that I can find places to take classes and meet people. The other benefit is the more you do it the more you get used to be out among people again and it can be less awkward/anxiety inducing.
It tends to be pretty random. I’d say just maximize opportunity by doing more things that involve other people. In my experience I’d say about 95% of my attempts to meet people, whether that be for friends or dating, go nowhere. Then of the remaining 5%, only 10% of that lasts longer than a year. So 99.5% of your efforts will be unrewarded or only slightly rewarded.
So what can you do that involves other people? Meetups, volunteer, find an activity like climbing or trivia or whatever. It depends on your area. Since you’re in a rural area there won’t be much but take what you can get. Of course there’s a wide variety of rural areas, but there’s usually some activity prevalent in the area. Golf? Hiking? Hunting? Find wherever those people hang out and go hang out there.
Friendships are formed via proximity and common interests. Go places with other people who enjoy the same hobbies and make an effort to get to know some of them.
Look up local mutual aid groups 🤘
Co-ed sports league - even something non-athletic like kickball, esports, or board games.
Me too! I live across the world but I feel this is more and more of a problem in a world that people only want to stay online.
I thought about creating some game group for 40yos in some simple game that allow everyone to chat… but I didn’t knew anyone to begin it🤣
Aside from meeting people at work, Ive only manually made friends twice. Once I found a hobby store that was near enough where they ran dungeons and dragons groups that were low pressure, so I was able to jump in and get taught and it was a good time!
The other was that I used reddit’s “gamerpals” sub to find someone to play with. Went through maybe three clunkers and actually ended up playing with a dude that I still play with weekly and is my friend.
Do we have a gamerpals or LFG community here on Lemmy? This is a good plan and you’re not the only one suggesting D&D.
I’m not sure, but honestly in the interest of having the highest chance to meet someone since your happiness is important, I would use reddit for the amount of people in the pool, then just leave after that lol.
We really should, Lemmy is d&d community light atm
despite the fact that everyone seems to play (or want to play) it on here.
I became the forever DM in my group, otherwise I’d run it all day
If you find such a community, I would be very interested in hearing about it.
i dont
I stole one of my brothers friends.
If you’re willing to DM a D&D group, you can probably find people who want to play.
That’s not a bad idea, but how do you actually meet these people and offer to run a game?
The best option is to find an rpg/board game store near you and just post an ad on their cork board - the internet can also work but you’ll usually end up needing to vet players much more.
This is exactly right.
There’s always a chronic imbalance of people willing to DM vs people wanting to play. I think that’d be a great way for you to meet new people.
There’s a few (paid) sites to find games, but read the rules make up a story and roll dice in discord
I just had a conversation about this, among other things. The thing is: we have no idea. Also I don’t think Reddit-for-nerds (Lemmy) is that great of a place to ask this.
If you do get an answer, act upon it, and it works, please remember me and tell me.
👋 second, please let me know. I’ve never been great with this.
I have found great friends at school because I hang out with them all the time. Programs at school where I do studying and meeting new people.
After graduating, I guess I might try meetup groups and such.
I don’t think Reddit-for-nerds (Lemmy) is that great of a place to ask this.
Ouch
Some years ago reddit was the reddit for nerds. The demographic probably has shifted more towards normies by now.
and bots
my mom uses it all the time now so yeaaah
First, you start a cult…
If I had the charisma and the sociopathy to start a cult, I wouldn’t have this issue, lol.
then join one!
Do things you actually enjoy doing, the friends and other things will come naturally. Don’t do things to try and make friends. Do things you like and the friends will come to you. No matter where you live you can find something you enjoy doing
