What’s your relationship like with your grandparents?
My grandma passed last weeek. I’ve been thinking about my relationship with her and my other grandparents. My family and I visit them on holidays and they were nice enough. But I don’t feel like I knew my grandma or know my other grandparents.
I think my family is weird maybe? Idk it’s the only one I know lol. We’d talk about tv and movies we’ve watched recently. What they watched. Tell the grandparents what was going on in our lives. Ask about what was going in grandma and grandpas life. Mostly get answers like “same old same old”, tales of doctor visits, or NCIS.
But like who are they as people? What were dreams when they were young? what adventures have they been on? what sparks joy in their life? What struggles have been through?
Like if I had to describe my grandmother I’d say she was a nice, pleasant lady who was mostly kind and liked cats, but not enough to get her own, just fed the neighbors cat. A description a stranger could give after meeting her talking for a bit maybe.
Looking back at my relationship with my grandparents, it all feels surface level. I never shared any of the hard shit I was dealing with, never really vulnerable around them. They were never vulnerable around me.
I don’t know many details of their life beyond career, maybe the places they’ve lived, pets they’ve owned.
Maybe that’s a reflection on my parents. We were never really vulnerable with each other about stuff, when someone was it was often mocked. My parents were not good parents a lot of the time. Who knows maybe that’s a result of their parents?
But umm yeah, Lemmy what’s your relationship like with your grandparents? Are you real close? Do you know them well, or more like a coworker you enjoy occasionally small talking with? Or rotten shitbags? I wish I knew my grandma better.
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Well they are long deceased, since the 1990s at least. My paternal grandparents were shy people who didn’t have much use for children, they took me as a toddler to the mall once, and because I seldom had their attention I was full of beans trying to make them laugh and like me, and they found that too much. It was like they were old before I was born really, not like these younger grandparents people have now. They were both gone by the time I was a teenager. My maternal grandparents; my grandfather was an alcoholic for most of his life, your typical Irish leprechaun type of drunk, and only quit because his doctor told him it would kill him, and my memories of him are him shuffling around the house in leather slippers listening to the radio or reading the news. My grandmother was a miserable manipulative ring-tailed bitch with no friends who lay on the couch moaning about how sick she was, which she was not, and spending most of her time trying to pit her daughters against one another, which ultimately worked as they are basically all estranged. They had few interests and did not get along and slept in separate rooms. The only time she was interesting was after she had a stroke and became hilariously demented and said some absolutely outrageous things. None of them ever attended any of my activities or did anything to help raise me or anything like other grandparents seem to do now, and seemed to expect that they were to be taken care of now that they had retired. I can’t say I missed any of them when they died because they were such a vague presence in my life. They were not particularly successful and had almost no interests.
Me and my Nanas were tight as fuck. I used to thrift shop with both of them a lot (separately) but yeah, lost one a year ago and that hurt quite bad
Well, most of them are fairly dead, so…
I have one surviving grandparent. I used to reach out on occassions. He never tried calling me but I have seen pictures of him on Facebook.
All my grandparents are dead but when they where alive we did the usual thing which was meeting few times a year. On top of that I used to call them at least once a month and we’ve talked about everything and nothing, usual small talk. The interesting part is that I got a lot of insights between the lines and I had a pretty good idea how my grandparent were in their early years.
If you want a better relationship with your grandparents, call them every now and there or visit them and have a casual conversation. After a while you will know them way better. And if you’re not comfortable with what they say, just let it slide. Old people are known for not giving a crap about political correctness.
Three died before I was born or old enough to remember. The fourth was basically no relationship once I became an adult because I am not close with extended family that has always lived half a country away from me. She died during the pan, saving me from having to disappoint my mother by skipping her funeral.
They’re dead
Doesn’t answer the question, but same.
Never met my grandparents club!
I’ve only talked (video call) to my grandparents once after the war started two years ago. The first second was already tense and the last was infinitely worse. I hoped that they would have known better than to believe everything that they saw on TV.
Supernatural
All but one has passed and the one remaining is kind if rocky now that my parents have poisoned the relationship with talk of hope manipulative and toxic my partner is for enforcing such awful things like limited screen time and bathing regularly to my child.
I’m relatively close with one of my grandmothers. It gets in the way that she tries to be a matriarch of sorts, with a bit of distance, but I know a few things about what her life has been like anyway. It helps that stories get passed on through my parents.
One thing that’s surprisingly helpful is knowing recent history in general. For example, I never thought of her as an immigrant kid when I was growing up, and I don’t think she’d refer to herself that way, but that’s exactly what she is - just a product of the people who I now know were immigrating then, instead of the ones immigrating now.
It was going great until they all died years ago.
Never met one in my life, so can’t tell ya really.
I’m sorry you lost your grandma. Maybe talk to your parents about who she was and ask them to share some memories? I feel like i was pretty close with mine, and i think my kids know a lot about theirs, either from conversations with them or from things we’ve shared.
