Because I don’t, and pretending to feels dishonest. I’ll listen if they want to talk about it, but I’m not going to act interested, and I certainly won’t ask about it on my own. What I’m trying to figure out is whether people actually care, or if they’re just playing a social game that I’m simply not interested in.
I’m probably on the autistic spectrum, which likely explains this to some extent. But that’s not an excuse - being an asshole is perfectly compatible with autism, so before dunking on me, please realise I probably agree with your criticism.
This feels like the wrong framing.
I dunno, I like my friends and them being happy about something tends to make me happy. Do I find every baby/vacation anecdote amazing? Absolutely not but a lot of them have a kernel of funny or just something interesting for me to note.
Also, from a pure reciprocity perspective, don’t you enjoy having folks to talk with about things going well in your life even they’re maybe not the most unique or compelling things?
I don’t get all wrapped up in imagining sharing the experience or anything like that, but it’s always nice to get a factual update about the other person. And if they have something interesting to say about whatever it is, that’s good too.
Yes and no. For close friends, family, and long time coworkers. I care that you had a good trip, that mom and baby are healthy, and would not mind a few photos. But that’s it. I don’t need a 500 page travel album or daily baby pics.
Hmm. Being interested in what is going on in your friends or loved ones life is a way of caring about a person. Do you like to share any details about your life at all with friends or family? What connects you to these people? Or is it you just don’t care about these parts of others lives?
I wouldn’t call it dishonest it would call it caring for another human being doing things you don’t care for for another person builds closeness, familiarity, and tightens bonds. Knowing or listening to details of other people’s lifes just deepens lore and fills out things that are happening in someone’s life.
You are probably a bit autistic. As you see the world a bit as black and white and don’t understand why you do a thing you dont like. That or you don’t actually care about these other people and you are narcissistic and only using these people. The world is gray.
I’m also fascinated to know this
Then read the replies.
Bruh
Sometimes yes, I just do the minimal required that shows I care. But I often times do not care because I don’t need the subtle reminder that their lives are going along better than mine. My life is in micromanagement hell, where I’m just biding time until I die pretty much. I barely enjoy things and whatnot. So if I were to fully celebrate milestones friends are celebrating to me it’d be like a knock against my own life.
So I don’t but I also don’t make it known to them out of respect. If they had to ask for the honest truth about how much I care, then it’s on them for asking because I’d give them that truth.
I AM nice, so I generally hope the people around me are having a good time, but that’s not really much to think about so I’m generally thinking about anything else.
I think your angle is a bit reductive.
Conversations or interactions generally don’t go from 0 to how-dare-you-not-care-about-my-baby instantaneously.
For example, in a cafe, order coffee, I’ve never met the barista before, they’re not going to flop out baby photos and grill me about how much I don’t care about their kidlet. They might make casual conversation, how are you, great day, bit tired, newborn up all night, oh I have a newborn too, she’s been unwell, yeah ours had HFMD last week, oh that’s tough, is she better now, was the fever bad, and so on and so forth. What I’m saying is, it’s through the too and fro that you guage how interested someone is in the things that are important to you.
If my sister had a child then she would probably just expect me to care about her new baby because she’s family and we see each other every week and the new baby is going to be part of my life for the rest of my life.
Another thing that happens is… people just get excited about things and that’s ok too. I became a new father almost a year ago. To me, it’s the most amazing thing that’s ever happened to me. Of course I understand that it’s not very amazing to anyone else, but for those first few weeks of course I was excited about it. It would be fine if I were to “overshare” with my barista, but it would also be fine if they were to tell me to keep my baby photos to myself.
I was thinking about this for a while.
I’m very short and direct with people. I’ve gotten more polite, but like if someone starts to ramble, I politely redirect them back to the focus and to stick to time. It’s great at work! Every non-essential thing eats into my work hours.
But I noticed I was doing it with friends too. and I realized how selfish I was becoming to them. Like, I’d cut them off to bring up something I was interested in. And they’d politely listen.
Over the year, I’ve gotten better at recognizing that fair exchange of time with friends. They can talk about babies, or life. And I can talk about which Pokemon is acceptable to eat.
Trust me, parents know that not everyone cares about babies. But those who do sometimes care a LOT. My parents live hundreds of miles away from their grandchildren and love to see even small updates about them. Same with many cousins, aunties, and faraway friends. I don’t need you to be interested. I understand if you are not. What I don’t understand is why we can’t just coexist on this. Every so often I need to listen to a post like this declaring how much you don’t care about babies and kids. Does this make you feel better or something? Everyone was a baby once. Everyone had a parent. Can we just allow that this is a normal part of life and not some bizarre niche interest that’s getting shoved in your face out of the blue? Damn. /rant
I like stories of babies if they’re not complaints. Vacation I basically think of it as ideas for my next vacation where you can ask stuff like “how was public transport?” or whatever
Depends on the event. I dont care for babies, but I’m happy for them if they go on a nice vacation and I might consider their destination for myself if they recommend it.
I love how half the answers are “Tell me about your vacation, forget the baby.” And the other half are “OOOOH A BABY! Who cares about where you went!”
I care that they care. I’m happy that they’re happy. I’m pleased that they took the time to share with me, if even indirectly.
When it’s about good friends, then yes, I care a lot.
Autistic and I don’t care, but I do listen and I try to do it well.