I’ve tried the serenity prayer without god and I’m reading the subtle art of not giving a f*ck, but it’s not enough. The book is good though.
There are still moments when people really piss me off and while I’d like that not to affect me, my first instinct is still to feel anger and to hate the jackass making my life or work difficult. Sometimes I’d like to punch him in the face.
It could be the plumber who doesn’t come on the agreed day, the technician who ‘repaired’ a tv set, only to have the same issue the next day, a coworker who keeps yelling when I’m trying to work and even after asking him not to be loud, blatantly ignores me or coworkers who importunate me with stupid questions about my weekend.
A strategy I’m going to use now at the workplace is to ignore every non related job question from these people and only answer when they ask something job related. As for the plumber, the hate usually subsides after 2 days, but I’d like to be more resilient, not to jump to anger and hate so easily.
It’s like I’m emotionally very easy to trigger.
I don’t know if you agree with this sentence: A person who yells does it because he doesn’t have power to modify a situation to his advantage, because he is powerless.
This is how I feel sometimes.
This was my first thought, too.
I started taking antidepressants a few months ago to treat ADHD-related anxiety and depression. (The doctor suggested that I could try ADHD-specific meds, but pointed out that I’m already a relatively successful adult, so clearly I’ve built coping mechanisms over the years.)
I’m surprised by how much more rational I’ve become when dealing with stuff.
I first really noticed it when I was crossing at an intersection and a driver turning right didn’t see me and almost hit me. She slammed on the brakes and waved her hands in a clearly startled and apologetic way. Before the meds I probably would have flipped her the bird and had my heart pounding in my ears for the next half hour as I seethed with anger. Now, my thought was “She made a mistake. I’m fine. She knows she made a mistake and she’ll certainly be more careful next time. It’s okay.”
That’s not to say that I don’t get angry anymore. I just get angry about stuff that matters or where I can change something. It feels a lot healthier.
Standard disclaimer: I’m not a doctor. This is not medical advice. It’s just my anecdotal experience. Maybe talk to your doctor about getting tested for depression and/or anxiety. (I had never thought to before this year, because in my youth I was just called “disorganized”, “lazy”, and “scatterbrained”.)
That’s a great example!
I discovered that the grouchy, irritable and angry part of me was not “just my personality”, it was an emotional overlay that colored the rational self which lay underneath…