Just about everyone looks better when they smile. It’s true regardless of gender. I don’t see where sexism enters the equation.
I feel pretty oblivious. What am I missing?
Tell us a story of the last time you witnessed someone telling a man to smile because he would look so much better if he did.
I can’t, either. That’s why.
Well people have frequently mistaken me for a woman most of my life and thats happened to me a few times. Its intrusive and irritating to be told I should look a certain way, especially by a stranger and I would consider it rude to say to anyone unsolicited.
Thats not to say its not worse for women having to deal with the objectification layer, too.
I can tell you 100 stories of telling a man to eat more so that they wouldn’t be so skinny.
Good point.
Nobody asked Luigi to smile, he just did…
Gigachad Sigma Grindset 😎
People have told me, it’s how I’ve seen friends and family go trough dating profiles, and weirdly enough I once saw a researcher use a lot of tech and data just to conclude the journalist should smile more
I’m enjoying being told about these counterexamples, as I’m seeing even more clearly how this attitude is embedded in our shared culture.
So far, all the specific contexts people have mentioned to me in which men are being told to smile is one in which others feel entitled to the man attempting to impress them. In contexts such as dating or performing on video or working in retail, this doesn’t particularly surprise me.
I suppose another reasonable context is one in which the people asking you to smile are genuinely worried about your emotional state and want you to seem happier. By chance is it typically like that for you? (Let’s set aside for now the complex matter of whether they actually want you to feel better or they merely want to control your behavior or feel less uncomfortable themselves.)
That has happened, yes. Not as often anymore though, but to be fair, I already smile a lot nowadays
I agree with the sentiment, but I, a man, actually have customers tell me to smile more weirdly often working retail.
And they say it’s because “you’re prettier when you smile” or something like that?
That’s one exception that doesn’t surprise me. Do you have any sense of how often they are doing this with intentional irony compared to with genuine obliviousness?
It’s really only creepy old dudes I get it from. It seems pretty genuine most of the time. These comments are more frequent and more egregious with my women coworkers, though, as one might expect.
How interesting! That makes it even less surprising.
I mean we have countless Reddit stories where someone’s dog or grandma died that day, and while groceries shopping someone tells them “hey, a beautiful girl like you should smile”.
That’s just an a**hole move. You don’t know anything about that person. Maybe they’re not smiling for a reason. I’d say it is very likely that this might be the case… Otherwise they’d probably already smile… And people keep forcing themselves on other people and telling them what to do. Like smile. When it’s really none of their business and very intrusive.
Leave them be. Everyone is entitled to feel. Sometimes people are happy and sometimes they’re not. It’s not however their job to smile for you.
And if it’s a medical condition or they were born with what people call a “resting bitch face”… You’re just rubbing it in and be the 500th person who did a negative comment on their looks.
Why is how good a woman looks to you more important than her own feelings?
Why are you turning this into a personal attack? Asking women to smile is not something I do.
Just about everyone looks better when they smile.
You’re the one who brought looks into it.
It is generally uncouth to tell anyone how to feel regardless of gender. Compel the person to feel through your own words and actions. If you fail to achieve the desired results, change your tact.
If you fail to achieve the desired results, change your tact.
Or maybe just leave other people the fuck alone to live their lives in peace.
It’s not sexist, it’s threatening.
While you may mean well, the vast majority of times a woman is complemented by an acquaintance or stranger, it’s because that person is trying to hit on the woman.
You might think “shouldn’t that be flattering?” No, it really isn’t. Every single woman I know has countless stories about how they have been harassed by desperate men trying to get into their pants. If you could barely walk into a public place without random strangers harassing you, you’d be soured on the idea too. To further compound the problem, men are on average bigger, stronger, and more aggressive than women.
So as an example, I was out with my girlfriend once, walking down a crowded street. There was a group of people we had to walk around so we went single file. In less than 30 seconds, she already had some shitty man cat calling her with loaded compliments. I shoved some people aside to make sure I was standing next to her again and he shut up immediately. This is just a fact of life for most women.
Men may not understand this because they only very rarely receive random compliments, but it hits very different as a woman.
There is an appropriate time to compliment women, and it’s after you have already built up a trusting friendship. Besides, a compliment means more coming from a friend than a stranger.
I constantly have to remind myself that I can be perceived as “threatening”, because I’m typically not threatening at all. Having some empathy is a good start, but there’s so much I don’t know about what women deal with on a daily basis.
“dangerous by default” because you are a man and just as disposable; ain’t the patriarchy swell?
I’ve never been the sort of person to ask or insist anyone to display a particular expression. But…
At times I’ve encountered friends, both male and female, that were struggling in life and crying.
Sometimes I would smile at them and say “Hey, you’re leaking again”
I almost always got them to lift their spirits and smile, with a bit of a lighthearted chuckle even.
Though not a moment I’d take a photo of, out of respect, it still reminds me how easy it can be to get a friend to smile.
apparently everything. Why do women need to “look better”?
They don’t. That’s why I’ve never said it.
Because it’s sexist to ask me to look better for you
I think you should ask men to smile more (like at the grocery store or gym) and see how it goes. 😉
Fuck the downvotes. This is no stupid questions!
Its considered rude towards women. Because a lot of men just say it to women to look more attractive or to just looke more nice as if women bare the responsibility to be nice to men or always be attractive otherwise they wont be considered women at all. I think it became like because many men just say it a lot (or many boomers dont know).
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- Context matters. That question is rarely asked by anyone that isn’t a douchebag trying to hit on a woman.
- From my understanding, even when NOT in the context of douchebaggery, it’s a condescending thing to say to a woman. So much of society wants to put women in a box where they’re expected to look pretty, smile more, talk less, and listen to big strong men with their big manly brains. Being told to “smile more” is pretty triggering for some (but maybe not all) women who are tired of dealing with that shit.
Disclaimer: am man, as my username implies.
I think it’s because they usually mean “Shut up, I don’t care what you’re thinking about, just be pretty.”
That feels depressingly accurate. Ick.
“Your emotional and mental reality is less important than my physical appreciation/judgement of you.”
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I don’t feel that need, and don’t tell people to “smile more” because I don’t understand why it’s problematic. I’m getting a clearer idea, though.
It’s not women’s job to be attractive.
They aren’t there for your viewing pleasure.
They’re not for you; they’re not a public amenity.
You have no more right to expect them to smile in order to make your surroundings more aesthetic than you have a right to expect them to get their tits out for you to gawp at.
Ah I see!
So you’re essentially saying that instead of asking women to smile, I should also ask them to get their tits out for me to gawp at!
Thank you :)
Context matters:
Taking a group photo? Stock photo models? PR? Greeter? - yes, asking someone to smile for a goal is fine
Someone just minding their own business - no, asking them to smile is selfish and just for your personal satisfaction. People don’t need to justify to you why they don’t feel like smiling. It’s rude to demand it of others
Greeter? you think the people at walmart want to be there? 60+ and the best job they find is minimum wage and standing on their feet all day getting ignored by people mostly so other employees don’t walk out the front with loot?
