I was making whipped cream with an electric hand mixer while talking to someone at the same time. While talking and looking at them, I wanted to turn off the machine, but as I didn’t look at it, I put my hands right into the whisk instead of the switch I was trying to reach. Out of pain and shock, instead of turning it off with the other hand, I moved the switch in the wrong direction to its maximum and broke my finger.

Got cut with a spaghetti noodle.

Broke my wrist on a punching bag one time because I had poor form. Now I have a nice screw in it.

Broke my wrist by blocking a gigantic remote control car flying directly at me at 50 MPH and I was the person controlling it.

Accidentally sliced a layer of skin off when i shaved at the shower. Weirdly enough it didn’t hurt, bleed or anything when it happened, and it was only after the shower when i was applying moisturizer when it actually did. I didn’t know what was causing the pain until the next day, when i saw some scab-like texture forming and realized what had happened. Thankfully it healed fast and left no scars/marks.

Threading the needle between a bus and a parked car on my bike at night. The car door opened right after the bus cleared.

Touched an arm to the air fryer basket accidentally, now I’ve got a lovely horizontal scar on the side of my wrist

Broke first bone as an adult playing Pokémon Go on release night

I asked a man with boxing training to hit me in the face so I could try to be prepared in a fight. When I woke up he said he didn’t think I was going to not block or anything.

There was a row of chairs (touching each other) at work that are purposefully very heavy. I wanted to look under the chairs, so I was lifting them one at a time. The last one was a corner chair and a lot heavier. I stuck my head behind the last chair to look under it, dropped it, and caught my jaw. It hurt like fuck but fortunately didn’t do any actual damage.

So this is half on me, and half on my father. (I inherited my “stupid idea” gene.

When I was 16 my dad was building a greenhouse on our small acreage. Frame was up, everything was ready and it became time to lay down the heavy clear plastic sheeting that would form the surface.

As he was up in the top nailing down each corner, it was my job to hold each corner down as tight as I could from the ground by using a rope attached to the corner of the sheet. (I don’t know if i’m describing this properly).

Any way, my father’s fault in the story is this: The only “rope” we could find was baler twine. It’s thin, coarse, and can easily slice like a saw. We secured a long piece of it to the corner of the sheeting and my job was to basically “tug of war” the corner in order to keep it taut for my father to secure.

Anyone raised in the country already sees exactly where I’m going with this…

MY stupid part in this story is this…

In an attempt to get a better purchase on the baler twine, I wrapped it a few times around my hand, through my fingers, etc…

Did I mention it was a bit windy that day? So a guest of wind took the corner and ripped it out of my hands, with the twine literally zipping through my fingers, slicing them nearly to the bone because friction + baler twine = weirdly effective saw.

Four fingers on my right hand were left with ring scars from where the twine zipped through them and my right hand was out of action for about a week

I was carrying a hoover downstairs and slipped. The hoover fell down the stairs faster than me and stopped at the bottom obviously. The wire had partially unspooled and the very British three prong plug was sitting on the ground, pointing straight towards the sky.

Guess where my arse landed once I had finished slipping down the carpeted stairs?

Jumped off a moving train and immediately ate shit, dislocated my shoulder… The train did not seem like it was going very fast. We were still at the platform, just getting going.

There’s a gif out there of a guy doing the same thing, that someone edited so he explodes when he hits the ground… Just like that but no explosion… Except the explosion of pain of course

Okay so I was having a hard time pulling the plug out for our dryer. I Was only able to get it out partly. Part of the metal from the plug was exposed, so I wrapped my hand around those parts to get a better grip. Smh. You know what happened next.

As a bored kid waiting for my turn on the family computer in the basement, while waiting for my older brother to finish, I once stapled a finger. Don’t remember which, but it was just really dumb.