some people trigger me so easily it’s scary. Most of them are loud, lazy coworkers that somehow piss me off very easily.
Is this a normal reaction to morons?
it’s not like I want to punch them, I’m simply relaxed and work better when I don’t have to see them. They slow me down.
Stoicism helped me. The dichotomy of control.
“You have power over your mind, not outside events. Realize this and you’ll find strength.” -Marcus Aurelius
Basically everyone is responsible over their own thoughts and actions.
That’s not true. You sound like you’re white as fuck :| you don’t think there are things that can influence someone’s brain and body? Human, human technology, or a wide variety of non human things?
Should Google (edit: Kagi*) DMT trip reports as one example.
Sounds like you’ve got some figuring out to do
Nope that’s the rest of you.
Idk man, those numbers are a pretty good indication that you’re wrong. Although doubling down might work this time.
ooga booga hivemind go downvote
It’s not a matter of being a hive mind, it’s agreed upon decency. I hope you’re only like this on the internet, for your sake.
Lost a close family member a few days ago. Haven’t experienced loss like this before so not handling it great. Appreciate you writing this out
You sound like you’re white as fuck
What? what does this mean?
It means he’s racist, turn it around and see how you get treated by him…i bet it will become clear what he means by it.
Nah, he’s probably white himself. I’ve literally never seen anyone online hate white people more than themselves. It’s a weird phenomenon…
White people are very set in their corporate slop eating ways. They like slaving away for billionaires, some of whom buy child sex slaves with the proceeds. FYI white men are the most likely to be pedos… For some strange reason lulz
idk about you, but i’ve never seen a white dude with child sex slaves. wtf are you talking about?
And every modern country slaves away for billionaires, what country are you living in that doesn’t?
Uh, the Nordic countries. You should go read a history book before speaking.
You should go read a history book before speaking.
I have. And yeah slavery existed just like everywhere, where do i deny that in my comment? You said that seeing a white dude with a child sex slave is some common thing.
We still have widely practiced modern slavery in the gulf and north africa, it’s not like you are uniquely evil. Sounds to me, you are the one that should read a history book ;)
Yeah that’s fair you’re right
You could learn to accept it for what it is, as it’s not yours to spend energy on it.
People are flawed, you are people too. Equally flawed, just differently.
Post marking this thread for edit with more details later, after I’ve had a nap.
Anger is our inability to understand or accept the true nature of things.
And a need or attempt to control things beyond our control.
Let go of trying to control everything and everyone. Let go of the arrogance that you know what’s best. Understand that if you can change things, anger will make the process more stressful and not help, and if you can’t change things then the anger won’t improve the situation.
Also, a lot of people come from families where the angriest person gets their way because it’s easier for everyone else to give them their way. If this is you, choose to break the cycle, and not hold your family & peers hostage to get what you want.
Yes, understanding oneself and what we really control is part of understanding nature. Understanding trauma and stress are part of understanding & accepting nature.
Drop caffeine. Seriously, that took me from reacting like the hulk to just getting flushed in the face (in most cases…I still flew off the handle sometimes, but like less than 20% compared to before). Next step that helped then was getting a non stimulant medication for ADHD, but that may not be needed for you.
getting a non stimulant medication for ADHD
tell us more
Stratera, also known as Atomoxetine, is a norepinephrine re-uptake inhibitor. What does that mean? Ever have that clarity of mind and focus (and calm) when there is a crisis? That’s norepinephrine. It seems ADHD brains tend to absorb it quickly so while most people can stay calm and focused normally, it takes a huge crisis (and huge release of norepinephrine) for ADHDers to have that feeling. If we slow down the re-uptake then it helps us feel calm and focused.
Dosage was a bitch for a bit though: they started me on the “normal” adult dose (40mg), which left me feeling like an emotionless robot and very productive. The typical advice is to go up in dose but I asked to go down to a child’s dose (10mg) which has me feeling productive, calm, and frankly great. I’m still me now, but things that would normally set me off just don’t anymore. I can provide compassion and be the voice of reason, or be the firm without being mean.
I take both, Mydayis (50mg) and Strattera (10mg). Both is an instantly noticeable improvement over one or the other for me. I stopped drinking espresso/coffee also (not caffeine, just mass doses of it). I’ll never be perfect, but I don’t fly off the handle near as much as I used to.
Oh, by non stimulant you mean not dopamine reuptake inhibitors. I’m not sure but technically norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors can be called stimulant though.
Edit: I’ve never been on a NRI before, I think I should bring that up next time. I’ve not had anger issue with/without any medication either.
You may have read that backwards. I’m on Stratera and about the other ADHD medications which are all versions of stimulants.
I didn’t understand what you’re saying here, might be grammar.
Honestly? The serenity prayer.
Give me the strength to accept what I cannot change, the courage to change what I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Yes it’s pithy, and I’m pretty sure there’s nobody, other than me, granting me strength. I use it more like an affirmation and a test. Can I control this? No? Then I let it go. If it’s something I can change, I ask myself what’s the most humane way of doing so? For example yelling at people and insulting them isn’t very humane and isn’t likely to result in change.
Another thing I actively try to remember is that people are not puppets. They have their own mind and their own agency. If they refuse to change then the problem gets let go. Life is too short to let other people’s behavior bother you unless it’s putting you at risk of being physically hurt. If none of this helps then removing yourself from the situation or breathing exercises might help.
I’m not some happy clam either, I struggle with this stuff everyday. Anyone who looks at my posting history can see me struggle with it. But this is the approach I’ve had the most success with.
On the off chance that you actually have a problem with audio processing, (loud or unexpected noises/talking triggering anger etc), you might try noise cancelling headphones.
Anger is the mind blanket I will let the anger flow over me I will seize it and shape it to my will And let it blow away like sand.
My version of dune’s thingy :-D
“I have no fear, for fear is the little death that kills me over and over. Without fear, I die but once.”
As an atheist, this. (Also the child of drug counselors, so this still came to mind for me.)
Can I change it? No? Not worth my effort to fester over.
I can focus on those things I can change, and try to expand that area, but being upset that other people are wrong is endless.
Notice when your teeth are clenching and muscles tensing, then consciously relax all your muscles.
It doesn’t help with the cause of the anger, but it really reduces the need to retaliate.
Also helps when you’re taking a shite
i bought a laptop that’s made out of metal so that i can smash it all i want and it’s still broken
I started therapy and my therapist helped me see that my fucked-up childhood left me with lots of triggers, which we examined. Understanding those triggers reduced their power. I also now understand I can leave stressful situations before I blow up. I don’t have to constantly mask.
So, therapy. It’s awesome. If your first therapist isn’t a good fit it’s ok to find another one.
Ok, so this is a bit weird, but… I am set off by businesses or management that make patently terrible decisions - especially if I work there. I can barely hold it together in a meeting without shouting like a lunatic. I bottled it up until I started to lose my hair (not recommended). I eventually left to start my own business, where other people can rail about my poor decisions. Not everyone can/should start their own business, but you can look for another job that is a better fit for you. Remember when you interview, you are looking for cultural fit as much as they are looking for an employee.
Started thinking about if something will affect me in 8 minutes, 8 hours, or 8 days. Now i only get mad at things that will affect me for 8 days. My anger is from combat so it’s unreasonable which makes it easier to ignore now that i’m aware of it.
I get super pissed when my shitty laptop and/or internet connection slows to a crawl while I’m working from home. It feels (irrationally) like a betrayal. It’s my stupid work equipment hampering me when I just want to get shit done.
I usually fly off the handle and curse a blue streak while rebooting everything. Sometimes I think it’s AV or bossware slowing me down.
Seems to happen at the worst times, too. Like when I’m trying to fix something important, and am already under time pressure.
Honestly, watching and thinking about the Pixar movie Inside Out helped me understand my anger a lot better. In the movie, Anger is kind of a joke character. But there’s a line when he’s introduced where Joy says “Anger wants things to be fair.”
I think a lot about how when I’m angry, most of the time there’s some imbalance that I want balanced, and I’m looking to inflict pain, either physical or emotional, in order to balance it out. The vast majority of times, that’s not actually a winning strategy, either in terms of long or short term goals.
It doesn’t always work, but trying to think in terms of what I actually want, why I want it, and what impulses and aims are leading to my feelings, has been a lot of help to not feeling so much like I’m being helplessly driven by my anger.
Sometimes it helps to feel bad for someone instead of being angry at them. I think of Gandalf’s quote from LOTR:
“Frodo: ‘It’s a pity Bilbo didn’t kill Gollum when he had the chance.’
Gandalf: 'Pity? It’s pity that stayed Bilbo’s hand. Many that live deserve death. Some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them, Frodo? Do not be too eager to deal out death in judgment.”Removing / migitating sources of stress and anxiety. I was known at work for my regular expression of anger, and if it wasn’t that it was sarcasm. Had a 3 month rehab after crashing really hard, and the “observers view” of my life at home made me see what had to change. Similar progress could be made with a good therapist, will take more time tho.
