As a kid, I learned to “pause” my true self. School was the pause, and my hobbies, dreams, and passions were the unpause—something I’d rush back to during lunch or after class.
Over time, the pauses got longer. Tiredness and responsibilities crept in, leaving little energy to unpause at the end of some days.
At work, sometimes the pressure and the demands were so relentless that I couldn’t unpause for weeks or months at a time.
Then came marriage, fatherhood, and the joy—and work—of raising a child.
I want my son to get to know the real me but I worry that by the time he is grown I won’t have any “self” to unpause to.
Yup. Have been feeling like this for almost five years, since I started univeristy.
I started struggling with anxiety and depression shortly after I moved to another town. That, plus the exams accumulating and other minor stuff really did put my life on pause. After two years I was able to get sort of a break from uni, and I was able to unpause myself. I started going out with ppl and cultivating my interests, at least for a year. Now I’m trying to get my degree, and I should be able to in two months (shit it’s so close).
I’m still struggling with anxiety a lot, but I feel like the only way out is by finishing university. Once I do that, I hope I’ll be able to actually unpause my life, or at least find a good balance.
Sorry I don’t really have any good advice, but know that you’re not alone in this.
Also you went through that during a pandemic if I have my math right. I feel for all the youngsters that dealt with that during their most formative years such as university. I work at a uni and the kids were not OK.
The first year or so, yes. It really didn’t help making friends in a new city.
It doesn’t actually change being away from university.
The only way it changes is if you change your mindset.