Right now, I am honest-to-God trying to get better. I know there’s something wrong with my brain and I’m trying to fix that. I try to be as supportive as I can to LGBTQ+ people and I don’t mind if they outright say “I’m gay/bi/whatever” or “I have a [partner/spouse of the same gender]” but something about having to hear about romantic or sexual stuff with two women really doesn’t sit right with me, especially with “yuri” or having lesbian relationships portrayed on TV. However, “yaoi” and gay relationships on TV I find awesome and cute, I’d say. Men, I find attractive, though, so that could be why. If a guy talks about his romantic or sexual encounters with another guy, I don’t mind at all.

While trying to convince myself I was bi or pan, I would hang out with a lot of straight women, crush on only guys, and even hang out with homophobic women.

In high school, my best friend was a homophobic and transphobic girl who relentlessly bullied one of my bully victims: a trans man. I tried to convince the guy it was his fault he got bullied, but I have matured and see the best “friend” was just an asshole.

Please, no judging, I am only curious.

  • birdwing@lemmy.blahaj.zone
    2·
    1 day ago

    Personally I never really had the “2 same gender ppl together weird” thingy, but ironically now that I’ve come out, I notice it more in my mind that I have those feels. And that annoys me as I want to not have that feel. So I try to ‘CBT’ myself by subtly smiling at those couples too, trying to make sure they feel safe and at ease too.

    I think it comes from a perception of envy, that I’m projecting it onto others: why them but not me? I try to combat it too by realising that it’s not ‘not me’; I need to go out and look for it, to have it too.

    It’s a whole journey of self exploration and realisation. If there’s any good place to ask, it’s on Lemmy, and since it’s in good faith (realising that homo- and transphobia is in fact, indeed bad), it’s especially a good way to learn how to deal with your feels. Best to have a qualified psychologist you personally know and trust, though. One that doesn’t dismiss your concerns, but listens and understands, guides to help yourself improve.