This question popped up in my mind. Also, my boyfriend’s last relationship was with a girl who did this.
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Yes, because for some reason I tend to be mostly attracted to lesbians. Their dress sense and personality is better than straight women IMO; I get on really well with lesbians, often better than with my male friends overall.
So yeah… pretty much all the women who fancy me, I don’t fancy much back, but I feel I ought to reciprocate physically just so I can have a physical relationship from time to time.
I wouldn’t say “pretended.” More like tried to convince myself I could because I knew logically they would be good for me… but when the spark isn’t there, the spark isn’t there. So when the first thing you want to do after sex with them is go home and take a shower you know the spark isn’t there.
We’ve been married 12 years now. She still doesn’t have a clue.
Not pretended, but when I was dating, I’d say yes to a first date with anyone who seemed vaguely compatible. I’d try to make some chemistry happen. It didn’t.
Have you ever succeeded in the chemistry part?
Nope. I thought maybe I could find chemistry with people if I got to know them better, but that doesn’t seem to be the case. At least for me.
Wow are you me??? Do you identify as asexual? How have you navigated things this way? It’s for me…humans are social animals, right? So I have a very deep need for connection and intimacy…just not of the sexual or romantic kind. So it’s a struggle to be in such a fringe group of seemingly contrasting needs that aren’t compatible with 99% of the world.
Sorry - I don’t think I worded that well. I’d try dates with folks who I didn’t feel chemistry. When I say chemistry, I mean social - not sexual. There are a handful of people that I click with socially, and then the vast majority that I don’t.
I ended up marrying one of the few people I do click with socially.
I’ve never really considered sexual chemistry before. In my experience, sex is an activity like many others: you need to practice to make it work; when you’re doing it with someone else, there’s a learning curve to get it right for both of you; and sometimes one or both of you don’t get it right, so it kinda sucks.
Asexual is a tag that came around long after I’d left the dating pool. I’m not really familiar with what it means.
