There are some moments in life in which a sudden self-awareness of happiness hits - a moment in which you step back from yourself and realize that, in that instant, everything is good. A feeling of your consciousness pulling away to make an emotional snapshot of that moment to care for and examine like one would a wounded bird or a nugget of gold.
While I don’t consider my life as a unhappy one, I only have a few of these moments guarded away. The first being at around age 6. My parents were giving me a group hug while we were all singing a family lullaby. My mother was expecting my baby brother at the time and that was the first time the baby’s name was included in the song. I remember feeling detached and floating away while taking in the moment.
The last time I experienced it I had just finished changing the sheets on a new king bed I splurged on after a small windfall. I remember laying on the bedspread and my 2yr old pup hopping on to play around the newly made bed. Instead of ushering him off as I usually did, I just watched him mess up the bedspread.
(I know happiness is not a fixed concept and everyone can have their own definition and experiences, but given my ignorance of the specific word to refer to the instant moment of self-awareness described, I just went with it)
Curious to read your thoughts and experiences.
Made me think of Vonnegut’s prologue to Slapstick:
"I have had some experiences with love, or think I have, anyway, although the ones I have liked best could easily be described as “common decency.” I treated somebody well for a little while, or maybe even for a tremendously long time, and that person treated me well in turn. Love need not have had anything to do with it.
Also: I cannot distinguish between the love I have for people and the love I have for dogs.
When a child, and not watching comedians on film or listening to comedians on the radio, I used to spend a lot of time rolling around on rugs with uncritically affectionate dogs we had. And I still do a lot of that. The dogs become tired and confused and embarrassed long before I do. I could go on forever.
Hi ho."