spoiler
idk if “gentle” is the right term, I was thinking “温柔” and its the best translation I guess
Feel free to share anecdotes, or scientific studies if you have any.
So my mom was kinda like half and half… I feel like I absored half of the “gentleness” and half of the rage…
Dad was kinda just neutral… like stoic as hell except a few times of getting mad…
As it happens, I am married to someone raised in a Chinese family so I hear you and am familiar with a lot of the dynamic. We just talk about it very openly as an unhealthy and even abusive way to grow up.
I remember I got promoted at work and one of the VPs above me sent me an email saying “we’re proud of you.” He happened to be Asian. And my wife was floored that he actually said this.