I totally relate to this, when I was young I used drugs to find that constant euphoria and that fucked me up even more, now I’m almost in my 40s and I lost my best years… my dad died 15 years ago and now my mom, I have just my husband and we would love having a child but I have a chronic illness and no one will give a child for adoption to an ex addict so I feel old and alone… I’m also going to therapy and taking my meds and is helping me a little, we have to take it one day at a time!