My insulin pump, as an example, violates 1, 2, and 8, for sure. You know what I do with it BECAUSE of that? I ignore most of its warnings. Following all the rules would probably make me care more.

Sex ed is gonna be real spicy.

how I became an absolute master of giving HJs

It’s too bad that we can’t have positive reinforcement for (beginning the introduction to) most sex acts. I like giving head because I love seeing my partner’s eyes roll backwards. It seems like there’s so much taboo that gets us excited and eager to try something, when we should all just be trialing to see what everyone likes.

God, can you just imagine the exquisite agony? Imagine you and her were on merry go rounds that nearly touch, and each of you reaches out to grab the other but only gets that skin tag. Together, you’re slowly rotating away, the spinning chair beneath you whirling faster, and faster as the tearing rips and rends its way around your arm, then your chest, then your abdomen and legs and toes. The entire time, your world is reduced to an increasing rush of red, streaming past your head as the screams echo throughout the void space you’re falling into, into, into…

And then it ends, the two of you looking across the double diameter of your giant circles, sobbing as you curl into a fetal position, every breath of air across the skin like rusty metal being dragged across your quivering red flesh…

Damn. You got me off good, you did.