“don’t attribute to malice what can be explained by stupidity”
Thank you, I gladly take the latter (as I pointed out in my OP). It’s good to talk about it and accept wrongdoings, but the loud and hard judgement just makes people dig in their heels. Counterproductive.
Of course I’m not fully in control of my subconscious, but there was no sexual thought let alone intention.
There were several of those. It’s “damsel in distress” all over, with different ethics.
As a woman I’d feel insulted at people diminishing me like that.
And I’m 100% sure somebody will berate me for what I just wrote here. But what I’m finding now - thanks to this discourse: it’s very important for me to separate what I did from the reactions I got from third parties. Because they make it hard to apologise.
I’m actually 50ish and I find your comment ever so slightly condescending but you make a good point with the “dear sweet gentleman”.
You will cringe when you think of it, but who doesn’t have those little gems stored away in their pockets.
Story of my life.
And it’s weird how being socially awkward is OK when you’re younger but “creepy” as you get older.
Honestly, I feel better having retold this story on social media. Helps me to accept the lesson, helps me to stop feeling paranoid, and to accept that there’ll always be always overly judgemental people.
As I pointed out it was not “this type of event”. Nudity is a side effect; might be hard to understand growing up in a different culture, but it’s not a big deal.
But I appreciate your advice.
Well thank you; it’s good to hear some criticism without (terminal) judgement here.
I think you’re very pretty - especially naked.
Something I’ve learned about compliments, in general, is to be specific. Like, even outside of the nudity, just “I think you’re very pretty” is rather a poor compliment. Leaving it open-ended like that plays into what others have said in this thread, that it can be interpreted negatively.
Yes! I think I was a little nervous and just blurted it out. Being older and not interested in “anything” does not save me from that type of nervousness unfortunately. This was one of the first things I thought to myself.
As for apolgising: I did. Just the last situation left me feeling hurt and frankly unable to deliver a heartfelt apology on demand.
Fair.
she had to get Y to confront you
Nono, that was his own action and she even told me she was NOT comfortable with that.
Thank you for the nuance.
just imagine if someone who you didn’t particularly find atttactive but was friendly, said the same thing to you.
You would suddenly feel a little less liberated in your nudity, and perhaps feel the need to avoid that person, even if their intentions were not impure.
One of the first things I did, and frankly I don’t think it would have affected me in that way even if I think back 20 years. But I accept & respect that it isn’t like that for everybody. As I said, lesson learned - but my post was about something more.
First of all, don’t comment on people’s bodies, especially in a situation where there is nudity. If you think her tattoos are nice, just say “your tattoos are very cool/beautiful/well done”. This is not commenting on her body, but commenting on her choices.
Agreed, and admitted in the text above.
Second, if she expressed to you she felt uncomfortable, then just leave her alone. Don’t try to defend yourself. You have no control over how she feels about your actions, but you do have control over your own actions, so leave her alone.
I asked her if she wants to talk once in that last situation. I wasn’t not leaving her alone.
Additionally, their perceived relationship is none of your business. She expressed to you that you made her uncomfortable. He expressed to you that you made her uncomfortable. Leave her alone.
Again: I asked and she said yes.
Also I mentioned this because of the added “police” aspect you seem to have missed.
I’d appreciate something a bit more elaborate here. It’s a long text, there are nuances I daresay.
I edited the text a few times afterwards, but all the main points where there before I published. The whole self-appointed police and abuse of power to get the girl was half the reason I posted this.
And to clarify, this camp is very much based on sharing things; if you bring a sauna trailer for everybody it’s a big no-no to then exert this type of power, regardless of my inappropriate remarks.