For me, a random sales guy took the cake when he introduced himself as “Chief Innovation Evangelist”.
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Customer experience architect. The person with that job is an insufferable asshole.
I really want the job of “head receiver,” like Jerry here.
Not me but a buddy of mine was a “Cheese Monger”. I always found that one pretty funny.
Also when I was in high school, I was going through a book of prefessions in “Careers” class and I found “Chick Sexer”. Heh… Heheh… Chick Sexer.
I was a noodle ambassador, once upon a time.
All in a day’s work for a dedicated servant of the Flying Spaghetti Monster 🍜
R’Amen!
That is both awesome and scary at the same time
I laughed out loud when I saw someone I know on LinkedIn convert from real estate agent to ‘prompt engineer’
That one bugs me. Should require an engineering degree.
Language creep. I imagine it gets worse as we age…
-Senior Application Engineer
Worked in printing before things were phased to computers and had to shoot/cut out negatives on a light table for the press plates. It was called “stripping”. So, I was a stripper once without taking off any clothes.
Pharmacists are drug dealers. At least I call them that. 😁
In some industries, the safety officer in charge is usually called the “competent person”.
I was being recruited to design and develop a machine that sorted bull semen into male and female and I half jokingly said I’d consider it if i could have the title of Sr Semen Sorter and manager said ok. COVID stopped the project though
At first I was like “good luck finding that female semen…” Then I realized I’m just dumb.
Yeah I’m still not getting it lol
In case you seriously aren’t getting it, it would sort sperm based on whether it had an “x” or a “y” chromosome
Shit ok that’s what I thought but I misremembered some biology and told myself that’s not how it works lmao.
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Thanks for explaining it . I really didn’t get it lol .
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You can separate bull semen? I don’t want to Google this. How is this done?
No need to Google
You can separate bull semen
by just using your mouth. Hope this helps!
At least you weren’t the Head Semen Collector
I worked with a guy who was Happiness Officer and all my friends found it hilarious. He was pretty good at keeping the team happy though so I didn’t give him too much shit about it.
The beatings will continue until morale improves.
Actually i’ve had the rare privilege of working in companies that really valued their employee’s wellbeing. At least for some time. It was a combination of inexperienced founders, really convinced managers, and super enthusiastic investors who didn’t really know how to crack the market so they kind of gave us all freedom to do as we pleased. This was all pre-COVID of course but it was a blast to waste millionaire money for a few years.
“Thinker” is probably the most obnoxious one I’ve heard of, from the CTO of a tech company
I feel like besides being a silly title, I feel like it would rub me the wrong way if I worked at that company with any other title.
Because of the implication.
An ideas guy with all kinds of ideas.
…most of which are complete shit.
My ancestor (born circa 1720) was a matchstick saleswoman. Her name was Gillette, same as the razor brand. I try to live up to her legacy
A good line from a video about a cancelled game jam documentary: “Matti was hired as a Pepsi Consultant, a job title less dignified than Human Trafficker”
Futurologist
I know that is used for someone who generally has a good enough grasp on science and technology to make rough approximations of what could happen as those fields progress, but it sounds like a fancy term for a psychic.
I’m switching my LinkedIn title to Futuronomist to avoid this kind of mixup
Don’t worry, everyone that’s supposed to get a good grasp at Tech and science gets as wrong as everyone else.
Fusion power plants are a decade away. As well as quantum computers for practical applications, and general artificial intelligence. Everything that is more than ten year gets compressed into "next decade’.
If you think that’s strange, wait until you see the Scientologists.
If I remember reading some old Mac magazine correctly, Guy Kawasaki’s official job title at Apple was “Intergalactic Evangelist”.
