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I was having a similar conversation to this many years ago with a friend. I summed it up as “I must have inconsistency, else I get stuck in monotony.”
I told my partner we had to stop scheduling our entire vacation bcz it was stressing me out.
Now we schedule one or two things in certain days and then do whatever we want, and I deal much better with that.
Are you me? My wife is planning things, then not telling me about it and it still feels spontaneous to me. Win win situation.
Structured chaos is key
Like you build the jenga tower so that it falls down in the direction of doing the dishes.
You look at the dishes, comprehend how you would do them if you did, build a plan, then put it in the back of your mind and go about your day.
This describes my pea brain to the letter.
Like once I figure out how to do a thing, I no longer have anything interest in doing the thing.
it’s because solving the challenge of how to do it is fun and interesting whereas actually putting forth the effort in doing it sounds like work and is not fun.
Yes that is because the “how to do it” has been processed and therefore it’s as good as done.
I didn’t come here to be attacked like this.
Structure like a skeleton. Gives you the rough shape, but you have some freedom to arrange the squishy bits hanging off it.
If I could do it myself, I’d make some of the bits more or less squishy.
For me, this might mean studying with the knowledge that when I get antsy and need to task switch, I can do the dishes instead. It feels like a weird form of circuit training
Or you start out with folding clothes, then start putting them away, get distracted by the dishes or cleaning up the bathroom, and start on that other chore. The key is to eventually get back to the original (easier said than done), but even if you didn’t really get it done quickly, you often put yourself in the mindset of cleaning, which helps on its own.
Oof, thinking about all the chores I could do right now is exhausting. I think I’m going to lie down and read tvtropes for the next 6 hours.
Nah, try forcing yourself to start one, and decide you’re going to take a break from it for “*just a minute” *™ by doing another chore, and be amazed by how many chores you get done avoiding the first one. Bonus points if the first chore isn’t even that bad.
Jokes on you, I have structure and still do nothing for days.
Just comes down to whether you want the prison to be external or internal
Why do you have to personally attack me like that?
Yep. This is me
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ADHD affects people of all ages.
And was often left undiagnosed in the past. I know I probably have it hard and somewhere on the autism spectrum. (My estranged father, sister and nephew all have been diagnosed at varying degrees/combinations). But I can’t even get a appointment at my doctors office, there is never availability and I tend to stop trying after a few times until it bugs me again. It’s like the system here is made to weed out people like me.
It’s kind of nice to know why I felt/feel so inadequate. But it also hurt to know I will never feel normal. At 46 I feel so at a lost at a chance of a better future. I fucked it up so often, have no savings, have to work two jobs to barely get by (keep on doing bad financial decisions) etc… I always hope to win the lottery (I almost never play it) just to not have the stress of life catching up to me and going back on the streets.
There is no such thing as “normal”, just “rejected”. Society needs to adjust because autism ain’t going away.
To get a diagnosis, you need to see a psychologist through a therapist, afaik doctors don’t
usuallyhand out autism diagnoses. Seek psych clinics that specialize in neurodivergence.Doctors can’t, it takes a several appointments with a psychologist (or psyc through therapist) to be sure before making a diagnosis. You don’t need to go to a specialist either
You don’t need to go to a specialist, but it definitely helps. I’ve had therapists deny my childhood autism diagnosis because they have no clue what to look for in a masking individual.
Psych through a therapist is cheaper and easier in my experience.
Totally agree
Medicated ADHD can be close to normal. It definitely makes everything easier to do. For many like me it’s night and day, it becomes easy to focus and get tasks done. Seriously life changing.
You need to find the right medication though. When I was younger, I had Concerta, and it made me hyper focus but made me emotionless.
I’ve been without meds for about 5 years now, but life is catching up to me, so I’m looking into trying some different ADHD meds.
I had/did the same. Switched to adderall and found out Concerta is trash(Ritalin). I found out that they went with Concerta because time release is easier to give to children and most of all, the manufacturer gave them kickbacks when it was still legal.
Plus with primarily hyperactive and combined, often parents take their kids in because they can’t handle them acting up. With Ritalin, when the personality is gone, there’s no more acting up… they choose that and go “wow, they’re so normal now”, not knowing the damage they’re doing to their childhood.
That makes sense, it’s exactly what happened to me but I got the generic version of Concerta instead.
It kept me shut up, and it kept my conservative parents happy that they no longer had to deal with an autistic child, then wondered why I never developed as a person until I was out of the house.
I got diagnosed in my late thirties and went from an abject failure at life to making some pretty astounding changes.
I can’t take all the credit, I had quite a good support system to help me make the changes and I don’t think I’ll ever get over what I perceive as lost time or be fully happy, but it’s never too late.
I thought I had ADHD for a long while, partly due to communities like this, but when I went to get diagnosed, it turned out to be an anxiety disorder. So if/when you go, try to avoid letting your assumptions bias the results.
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When you really think about it, chaos is the natural
ordertendency of the universe, entropy and all that. Ergo, order is against nature.Chaos is the natural state, but life is part of the universe and life brings order. As long as there is energy for life to use to do its work, it will continue to bring order to an unordered universe.
[x] I’m in this picture and I don’t like it
So how do you fix this?
You try your best to make it feel like one of those luxurious Norwegian prisons.
I’ve had good results managing it by planning my week very loosely: I write down 1-3 things I plan to do each day (including work, exercise, cleaning, leisure, seeing friends, appointments) and it’s just enough structure to keep me moving without being stifling.
Be autistic as well and give in to the autistic need for structure and routines.
Go to the wilderness and put yourself in a survival situation. There is no structure but if you don’t do something then you will die.
o man this hurts.
