To be fair, I honestly don’t know the size of your toilet, but I would be rather surprised if it’s such a nonstandardized size that you couldn’t find a cheap bidet to put on there.

That said, you seem opposed to the very concept of being able to mount a bidet so I think that’s your biggest barrier to a cleaner anus.

It’s a hose, how can the room size be a problem?

You really need to investigate what people are telling you before you tell them they are wrong.

Mine goes under the toilet seat (space that’s already being used) and connects to the tank by a 1/2" metal hose.

Took me 10 minutes to install. $35 on Amazon.