Helping my son deal with his mental illness, drug addiction, and ultimately suicide.

I really have never felt like an adult, until my son moved in with me (I met him when he was 5 days old, and was kept from seeing him again until he moved in with me when was almost 17). Suddenly I had to deal with his medication, his appointments, keeping him out of trouble, learning to be a father of a 17 year old I did not know.

After his death the feeling stuck around for a while, but has slowly gone away over time. My last born child turned 18 earlier this year, and while that made me feel old, it did not make me feel like an adult. I even took him to register for college that, just feeling like an old kid.

Not so fun, but I certainly felt like an adult when I went inpatient for suicidal ideation. A sad, broken, fucked up adult.

Getting excited over “mundane” things. New silverware, vacuum cleaner, pan etc.

Going over bank statements. Going over stock options.

Using hot water to wash my hands instead of cold (don’t even do this yet but I’ll know I’ll be a geezer when I do).

Not caring about others opinions about you. Just living your life.

Cooking. Specifically soup and porridge.

Checking email multiple times everyday

I recently had new rain gutters installed on my house, had my trees trimmed, had my patio paved, and bought a power bank. I’m fucking adulting damnit.

When my sister graduated from high school I went to the ceremony and saw some of my teachers from five years before. They talked to me like a peer. It was subtle but I picked up on it

I feel like an adult almost all the time, but it got more common when I gave birth. I’m not a kid. I’m not a teenager. I’m not a college student. I’m a grown adult and everything I do all day taking care of others is adult stuff. Even the fun moments of playing a video game or looking at my phone hidden behind a book, or the hard stuff where I have no idea what to do. I don’t feel like a kid, I feel like an adult playing a fun game or an adult feeling confused and scared.

To me, being a kid meant feeling confident that everything was being taken care of for me. I don’t get the adults feeling like kids thing when things are confusing or hard. When I was a kid my parents dealt with the hard stuff, or at least helped me deal with it

I’m just sad and it’s nobody’s responsibility but my own to cheer me up.

A 20-something year old kid swung by my desk at work to see if I could identify a plant that was growing in his yard and if I knew what to do with it. I could, and I did.

When I go to a medical appointment and the doctor is younger than me

Doing my taxes.

I’m 51 but in my head I’m the same guy I was at 21 but wiser because I have more experience and more data points, not because age matured me. That said, I can remember feeling like the only “adult in the room” as far back as 16 years old, after my only parent died.

So to answer your question, I don’t think I ever feel like an adult, more like less lost than those around me and burdened to take care of them before they hurt themselves or others. This is especially true during my many work meetings.

Don’t really ever feel like an adult, but I do sometimes think people are being very childish. I mostly feel as though I have the ability for more freedoms and choices, but at the same time I can’t actually do them. Whether it be because of time, money, both, etc.

When I bought an actual bedframe. It wasn’t the bed at my parents’ house, it wasn’t the bed that my college dorm owned, and it wasn’t an air mattress I had been sleeping on during my internships. It was an actual bed, a real piece of adult furniture. It wasn’t a small cheap metal frame. It was bulky and adult and real, and I owned it.

Buying a new furnace.

When I turned 30, my insurance went down and I went “Woo hoo! My insurance went down!”. . .

“Wait… did… did I just ‘woo hoo’ an insurance rate? FUCK ME!!!”