Post-secondary or grade school.
Grade school, just how slow and boring it was. Waiting, nothing to do.
High school - bullies, the stupid rules, and also trying to write essays in the days before the Internet.
College - juggling parenting, earning money, and school. Also finally getting classes I had to work at to pass.
Any writing. Grammar, punctuation, and spelling were always easy, but I never knew what to write.
Also, I often skipped homework and believe that I was right to do so. Even though I’ve been out of school since 2008 and have no children, I still maintain that the school has zero right to assign anything to be done outside of school.
All the fucking assholes
I didn’t realize it at the time, but in hindsight, not getting diagnosed with ADHD was the hardest part for me. I guess at the time, there were still a lot of misconceptions about it, so my parents and teachers never recognized it for what it was. Because I was placed in a “gifted and talented” program when I was young, my slipping grades were just attributed to laziness instead of a disorder. That spiraled into many other problems in school; failing classes, getting into trouble, and several lifelong anxieties that still follow me many years later.
Honestly, my whole life would probably have gone in a much different direction if I had actually gotten the help I needed as a kid. I don’t blame anybody for not recognizing it, but it does suck having slipped through the cracks like that.
Indeed. It got worse as a got older and the rails were peeled away, peaking post college. It got easier as my wife and I divided tasks based on strengths. Got diagnosed 2 years ago when she mentioned she thought I might have adhd, brought on by my distractability around our toddler. It really makes the rest of my life understandable
How was the process of getting diagnosed for you? I tried seeking a diagnosis a while back, but was told that it would be difficult to do without any kind of prior assessments from childhood. With mental health being so poorly covered by insurance, I’ve been hesitant to go through a lengthy evaluation process.
It went fine? It involved filling out several forms including by parents or someone that knew me during childhood and I think a current one too which could be my wife. It was 3 sessions, an intro, the actual testing, and then going over the results. It was all remote for me. I believe I had to bring this up with my pcp first to get an order for testing. I got diagnosed at behavioral health clinic. Insurance covered it mostly, but my wife’s insurance is pretty good because she works for an Amazon subsidiary, so ymmv.
Now therapy and medication on the other side has been harder for me. First therapist didn’t seem to know anything about adhd (I went with a new place since the diagnosers didn’t have prescribing ability). I’ve been since then looking for something else but have been having trouble finding a place that prescribes/accepts my insurance/I just lose focus and stop looking for a few months, gee. I found two a few months ago, but one said prescribing appointments are a year out and the other said a provider would contact me but I don’t think had yet, and yeah since then I have not made an effort to contact, I really should
Sorry for the rambling and inexact details, memory issues 😜
Edit: I think the testing session was 2 hours? Also it was interesting to see some memory games during testing that I thought I was good at, and as it progressed I just completely disintegrated in my ability to do it
Hey there, kid who was diagnosed back in 1993 here…
Depending on when you were in school might not have helped at least being diagnosed. Accommodations were basically non-existent for all of my schooling career and meds, while situationally useful, were diminishing returns. The system just wasn’t designed for us in mind and from what I have seen from my friends kids current accommodation is at times lackluster and spottily applied.
Schooling is kind of designed for adults to teach rather than kids to effectively learn since even neurotypical kids have cycling attention spans that aren’t all synced up. So while it sucks we didn’t get good help you also may not have missed out as much as you would think.
No, no. Blame them. It’s ok to realize that it’s not your fault. As children, we’re placed in the safe and lovkng hands of those that raise us.
And when those hands are not only unsafe, but also incompetent, it’s perfectly natural to feel cheated at life.knowing that YOU are not the problem. Society picking those people to raise you is the problem.
It’s the reason I don’t have kids. I don’t feel like I’d raise kids the right way. I don’t want to ruin my kids life.
Your story sounds exactly like mine.
Yeah, I think a lot of us that grew up in the 90s/00s went through a very similar experience. Kids who excelled early were assumed to be advanced, but a lot of times that “advancement” doesn’t stick. And it’s compounded by the fact that those of us who went through this never really learned how to study; we were able to pick up on concepts very easily early on, so we never learned how to actually take notes or read material in a way that reinforced knowledge retention. We were able to get by with “skipping” the actual learning part.
So when we reached the grade level where we can no longer just effectively “wing it”, we’re trapped because we don’t know how to properly study, and teachers won’t teach you how because you “should have” already figured that out several grades ago, and if you passed those classes already then surely it’s because you knew how to study all along and are just getting lazy with it now, right?
This video by Dr K articulates this concept a lot better than I can: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QUjYy4Ksy1E
I strongly recommend watching this if any of you were considered a “gifted” student. He touches on a lot of things that were very eye-opening and felt eerily similar to my own experience, so I feel like the things he talks about here probably apply to many of us.
That was really good! I saw how long it was and thought, I’ll give it a few minutes, but I sat through the whole thing.
I could definitely relate to a lot of what he said. And I’m going to steal his quote and make it my new mantra: “Dark Souls doesn’t care! (if your parents call the principal)”
I saw how long it was and thought, I’ll give it a few minutes, but I sat through the whole thing.
A lot of Dr K’s videos have this effect on me! He does a fantastic job of explaining things in a way that anyone can understand. He goes really deep into the psychology and neuroscience of everything, so I always come away from his videos feeling like I’ve actually learned something.
I’m still salty about the GT program in the 80’s and 90’s. I got great grades, actively asked questions, and felt like learning came easily to me. But every day, a teacher would come into the class and take the GT kids to do whatever it was they did, leaving us schmucks to toil in the mines. I mean, how demoralizing and unfair is that? I acted out and ended up in detention or the principal’s office.
So then in high school, I always assumed I was one of the dumb kids. Took the easiest classes and they bored the shit out of me, but I assumed that’s just the way it was. My senior year, I signed up for a GT physics class even though I wasn’t one of “those people”. It turned out to be the most amazing class I ever took, and while difficult at times I excelled and learned so much.
Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like had I been one of the Chosen Ones. That whole program is bullshit from both sides of the equation.
Foreign languages. Never got a handle on it.
Now, with Google Translate and AI I don’t have to!
Not getting to have “schooling”. I was “homeschooled”, in that my parents kept all 8 of us kids at home and didn’t bother to provide much in the way of education beyond reading and basic math. The lack of real education I was able to overcome, but the gross lack of any socialization has left me struggling with poor social competency to this day.
I loved math and was good at it until we got to integrals. I could do algebra, geometry, trigonometry, probability, and derivates…and loved all of them. But my brain went splat against integrals.
I barely passed Calculus levels 3 and 4. Honestly, I should have failed them. The professor wasn’t very good, he knew this, and he took pity on me. But it was ultimately my own fault.
It was kind of humiliating. I’d always done really well at math, and even tutored other students. Then I just hit a fucking wall with integrals. At that point, I fully understood how other students who struggled with math had felt all along. I had been empathetic to them. But now I suddenly knew what it was like.
I sometimes wonder if a virus or some other unknown medical situation broke that part of my brain. It kind of felt like it. Or maybe it was just beyond my natural abilities, period.
I never understood integrals either! I don’t know if we covered it in a math class in high school but I got to college and took physics and encountered it. I was like “What in the fuck is this shit?!” I take that back. I think I did encounter it briefly in high school physics but the teacher was like, “don’t worry if you don’t get it right now, you’ll figure it out.” My fucking ass! That was college physics from like week 2!!!
I tried to figure it out from the text book and that didn’t work. I went and bought a math book to try to figure it out, that obviously didn’t work. This was before YouTube and the internet getting big on any kind of instruction so it was just like," well fuck me I guess I’ll fail."
What I should have done was gone to the teacher for help. They always said their hours when they were open but I never thought they would have time for me. I know better now. They would have been happy to help me but ignorance and probably low self esteem and all.
Still don’t understand that integral shit. I eventually went back to school but become an English major instead of that shit.
I hate it, because I like reading and watching videos about physics…but when they throw formulas up there I can’t read them. I can read music. I can read code. But I can’t read advanced math.
Getting off work in time to make it to class.
Depression.
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School just sucked. I was popular in school but still hated it and everyone knew I hated it. Every teacher said how college was different and shit. Well I dropped out of two colleges and joining a trade union was the best thing I’ve ever done.
Switching from 5th grade at a little red schoolhouse, where the only homework assignments were reading and projects/presentations to 6th grade at a college prep middle/highschool with homework assignments every day.
The pledge of allegiance in US schools
Grade 12. Absolute waste of time. Like… “I taught myself HTML/JS/CSS, instead of listening” levels of a waste of time.
Waking up early. Also the harest part of my work - trying to complete complex work while I can barely stay awake.
