All we have are scriptures and texts that could have been a series of meme that built/improved from eachother but lost the common knowledge between the generations that it was fictional.

  • InverseParallax@lemmy.world
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    2 months ago

    I think you have your logic backwards.

    When Chuck Norris stepped on the water it knew better than to let him sink.

    Chuck Norris yelled at the river and 700 fish came out to feed his friends. Nobody dared ask where the loaves came from.

    Chuck Norris was killed by crucifixion. It took him 3 days to kick Satan’s ass and break out of hell. Now, he’s out for payback!

    Chuck Norris said “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one cometh to the Father except through me. And if you come back in, I’ll hit you with so many rights you’ll be begging for a left.”

    Gospel of Chuck 4:20; “Nikko was easy. Now it’s your turn. One night you’ll close your eyes, and when they open I’ll be there. It’ll be time to die.”

  • RattlerSix@lemmy.world
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    2 months ago

    Hanina ben Dosa was a first century Jewish miracle worker from Galilee. He was one of many who supposedly did a lot of the same things as Jesus, miracle healings, casting out demons, made it rain, etc, but wasn’t an apocalyptic with a messianic complex.

    Anyway… there was a snake in town that had bit and hurt people. When he heard of it he went to the snakes hole and put his foot over it. The snake bit him and the snake died. The people came up with the first Chuck Norris meme. “Woe to anyone who is bitten by the snake, but woe to the snake that bites Hanina ben Dosa.”

  • givesomefucks@lemmy.world
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    2 months ago

    I mean, yeah…

    The Bible wasn’t some dude writing stuff down. It’s a bunch of dudes over centuries writing stuff down, and doesn’t include everything.

    It was commone with the pre-christian religions for myths to work like that, and as Christianity co-opted different parts of those earlier religions to make conversion easier, people.kept making up stories about Jesus or saints like people used to make up stories about Zeus or Hercules.

    If Jesus’s 20s weren’t conspicuously absent, it prob would have been pretty close to Chuck Norris. Just because those stories didn’t stick around, doesn’t mean they never existed.

  • werefreeatlast@lemmy.world
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    2 months ago

    Imagine the miracles today if he has to do it…turns water into 🍷 wine…yeah dude. That’s a sweet microbrew! Oh wait, it’s just cambucha but very fast!

  • fross@lemmy.world
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    2 months ago

    We know that this is from a series of texts that built on each other - many “facts” and feats attributed to Jesus were earlier attributed to Mithras and others.

    The same “miracles” and other stuff get reused and applied to new prophets or supposed gods as they roll in.

  • Siegfried@lemmy.world
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    2 months ago

    Chuck norris could be the second coming of Jesus, and here you are, writing blasphemy

  • emax_gomax@lemmy.world
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    2 months ago

    I’ve always had this weird thought that religions sprout up when a grifter finds a fictional book buried somewhere that no ones heard off and builds a cult around it with themselves as the center piece.

  • trustnoone@lemmy.sdf.org
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    2 months ago

    This is actually what i sorta believe. Thats jesus was just a smart guy amongst stupid people.

    Like people be all dirty and getting the plague and hes like “bruh go wash youself in the river, you dirty as fuck, thats why you keep getting sick”.

    Then next minute they get better and theyre all like “omggggg the messiahhhh”

    • Valmond@lemmy.world
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      2 months ago

      But a narcissistic one. He did believe he was the son of the fucking god lol.

      • Aniki 🌱🌿@lemmings.world
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        2 months ago

        But Jesus didn’t write the bible, it was mostly written over a hundred years after the fact. I believe Mathew is the closest at 80 years and John was 300 years later. We have no way of knowing whether Jesus actually did say anything of the sort. The Nicean Council was mostly a political one so Constantine could solidify his power by utilizing the top heavy hierarchy of a fledgling branch of Christianity.

        We only have the Nag Hammadi library because of “heretics” preserving it in secret.

        • RememberTheApollo_@lemmy.world
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          2 months ago

          Wish it were easier to find dispassionate, objective historical analysis of how the Bible was assembled and written. If one searches for any such information the results are an inundation of pro-bible sites trying to retcon the writings to as close to the alleged existence of Jesus and his followers as they can.

          • RattlerSix@lemmy.world
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            2 months ago

            Look up Kipp Davis on YouTube and anyone who has appeared in his videos, including Dan Mclelean, Digital Hammurabi and Jennifer Bird

            • RememberTheApollo_@lemmy.world
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              2 months ago

              Her work seems to center on women in religion, at least with multiple references in the wiki write up indicating so.

              Does she have a standalone comprehensive book on the historical origins of the Bible? Seems she has multiple pieces that focus on different aspects, and they seem very academic, but I didn’t see one that was more generalist.

              • Aniki 🌱🌿@lemmings.world
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                2 months ago

                ——— (2003). Beyond Belief: The Secret Gospel of Thomas. New York: Vintage Books. ISBN 978-0-375-50156-2. OCLC 50913545. ———; King, Karen L. (2007). Reading Judas: The Gospel of Judas and the Shaping of Christianity. New York: Viking Press. ISBN 978-0-670-03845-9. OCLC 85255593. ——— (1979). The Gnostic Gospels. New York: Vintage Books. ISBN 978-0-394-50278-6. OCLC 1002324965.

        • Valmond@lemmy.world
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          2 months ago

          Well who cares if you’re not a believer?

          The book is about a (super) narcissistic guy!

  • AA5B@lemmy.world
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    2 months ago

    Jesus could come back from the dead, but could death come back from Chuck Norris?

  • DarkCloud@lemmy.world
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    2 months ago

    I figure it was an argument of “my legendary tribal chief was SOOO great, he…”

    Which led into a conversation of “Which super hero would win?”.

    My tribes legendary chief was so great, he made bread, wine, and fish, just when everyone needed it… He is so wonderful they tried to kill him, but he came back three days later, not even sick.

    It’s because he’s part super hero, you should hear about his dad. People were so loyal to his dad they’d almost sacrifice their own children to him. He was so great he’ll save us, you’ll see.

  • i_am_a_cardboard_box@lemmy.world
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    2 months ago

    The first person to coin the word meme was Richard Dawkins in his book ‘the selfish gene’. He also postulates in the same chapter that religion is a particular form of a meme. So you’re one hundred percent correct!