Understand its not your fault and you shouldnt blame the world. Everyone goes through this at some point (esp guys) - be it skinny, fat, coloured or not, tall or short. Everyone has their preferences.

Giving up on actively finding a girlfriend is probably the best thing to do in your situation - but not out of spite - some women find an attractiveness in someone who has fun in their own presence. People want to be a part of that joy. Being bitter will only drive away friends and potential relationships.

With that said, do your own thing. If being skinny bothers you (and you alone, not what anyone else thinks), hit the gym and eat more? Try more activites either solo or with friends. Maybe even some extreme sports which a partner would otherwise not join you in. Just enjoy life and someone will come. I know people who found relationships in the most unexpected of times and places.

I understand theres an inch in the intimate department that cant be scratched with just normal friendships but idk, resist tbe urge or find other outputs to bring your urges back down enough so you can just be you and comfortable

Get in the gym guy

Just remember Mario, your princess is in another castle.

You could start doing single activities, depending on where you live. Even if you don’t find someone right for you, you could hang out with people in the same general situation.

You only want to date attractive women. You aren’t attracted to many women. Those ones don’t seem attracted to you.

Does that sound right?

That’s a nonstandard combination, and that’s ok. You might be Ace, but not Aro. An Ace person (or someone elsewhere on the sexuality spectrum) could hold women to a high beauty standard for aesthetic reasons. While still having low requirements for the romantic side (i.e. be willing to compromise to get romance)

Figuring out yourself will then dictate your dating approach. If you are Ace, then finding a beautiful Ace girlfriend is not the same approach as finding a straight one.

All I know is, my desire for sex would (did) easily override some arbitrary beauty requirement. I think most generic straight guys would agree. So if this isn’t happening, it’s worth your time to ask why.

“I’m not so into skinny guys” sounds like an excuse, if you are getting it a lot I think there is something else going on here, not all women even have a type and some surely like skinny guys, some of the hottest men I’ve been with were so skinny, it can be a very attractive look on a man.

Since you say it’s your own standards, what do you mean? Do you think you are sort of batting out of your league looks-wise? You are already dancing so your body is probably in good shape, is there anything else that makes you think you are not physically attractive? May I ask how old you are?

You are outgoing and social, perhaps try practicing flirting? Like, without trying to take it any further?

Well, it sounds like you’re going after women out if your league because you think they’re attractive and that’s a valid choice. But it is a choice you’re making. It sounds like you could have intimacy if you lowered your standards or increased you attractiveness (gym etc). Or you could abandon dating to not have to face rejections.

So I think the key to avoid bitterness is to reevaluate if the choice you are making still works for you if it brings up bitterness. Then you can either stay with your choice or switch, if you don’t think any other option brings less negative feelings.

And if you choose the best option for you, there’s no need for bitterness.

I sympathize, sorry that you’re feeling this way. It sucks to not have someone to be with. I don’t know if it’ll help much, but I thought I’d share my story too.

I’m 2 years out of an 8 year relationship. I think I’m damaged to say the least, but I was damaged even before then. I struggle to connect with people, and breaking the physical barrier is also really difficult for me. I wish I was better at it, but I’m just kind of an awkward dude. I can be a bit uncomfortable in my own skin sometimes.

I met a girl recently and I thought things were going really well. We had lots of common interests, and the raport between us was really great. I was genuinely excited to get to know her as a person, and to be spending time with someone again. I was hopeful, and happy. It was nice to think that I might have someone I could actually share with again. I don’t want to wallow in self-pity or anything, but I’m in my 30’s and I’d be lying if I said the general disconnect I usually feel hasn’t affected me on some deep level.

We were hanging out one day and things were going well up until I attempted to kiss her. It’s such a dumb thing to blunder, but my bad timing, awkward word choices, and even my incorrect physical positioning caused me to rush things and not really give the moment a chance to unfold organically. I don’t know why I get like this, it’s very ammature and probably the quality I dislike the most about myself. I think maybe I’m just scared to fully allow myself to be vulnerable to people. I don’t really think I’m a bad kisser in general, I’m actually great at other physical/intimate things, but I just kind of messed this one up a bit. I allowed myself to be overly nervous/anxious, and I just wasn’t at my best. Mistakes happen sometimes. That was all it took though. She went from being pretty engaged with me to generally disinterested just like that. It sucks because It made me feel like her entire decision was based on this one failed interaction. I don’t want to sound stuck up or something, but I think I deserve better than that.

I found out there were other factors too though. She was already interested in someone else at the time she was hanging out with me. It feels kind of pathetic to admit it, but I think I just got outcompeted. I know that I should give myself some allowance for the fact that there was nothing that I could do about that aspect, she’s entitled to her choices, but she wasn’t very forthright with me either. She led me on, and stood me up on plans to hang out. That was really selfish behavior on her part.

I know that girls do this sometimes for fear of hurting guy’s feelings, but just don’t. Be honest, and transparent with us, it’s easier for everyone in the long run. I think I deserved a better chance than what she gave me, and if she was that superficial already then she probably wasn’t right for me anyway. It sucks, but that’s where I’m at with it right now. I’m not hateful towards her or anything like that, just disappointed really.

I don’t know really where I’m going with all this, but just suffice it to say that understanding and learning from relationships is difficult sometimes. I think I’d just say to try not to give up if you can help it, but if you feel like you need to go into self-preservation mode then that’s ok too.

Best regards tall skinny internet stranger.

You build resentment when you act in a way that’s not in full accordance with yourself. Notice the problem and try to do something about it. You can change your behavior or change your mind.

“celibate by virtue of my own standards” … I was not aware I belonged to a club which viral acronym does not exist yet

Market price set with supply and demand.

If you are getting zero hits, you need to adjust the price. This is game 101.

Or stay single but I don’t get that angle but that is a strategy as any other.

I’m not sure you age but from what I understand, many people between 20-40 have been having issues finding genuine relationships and “situationships” are on the rise. I know several people that claim to be happy having 2-3 half commited partners (whom often also have other partners), but i don’t believe they are that happy, especially compared to a genuine relationship.

As others had said try to just stick to your own personallity and focus on your own happiness, changing yourself or your standards just to get laid often doesn’t work. When i was going through a phase of depression i started seeing a partner whom couldn’t commit to me the way i desired, but i stuck around anyway because it was a nice distraction from my life. A few months later we called it offand there was a fair amount of emotional pain. The relationship was kinda of toxic as well and I’ll probably carry scars from it into my next one. Even just the memories, good or bad, are constant distraction some times. My overall point is don’t commit to it if its not what you genuinely want, good relationships have been on the decline for a while so its not always your fault if you can’t establish one.

I agree with the others but here is some advice when you are happy being alone.

Don’t let the search for a gf become a large part of your life again. I was on all the dating apps and whatnot thinking I was ready to have a gf and I still think I was. But the search started consuming me i spent an hour or two a day reading profiles and going through pictures to try to find the right one. i would read the bios of girls and think about how perfect we would be together and swipe on them. If a girl swipped on me even if she wasn’t up to my standards I would swipe just because… maybe if I give her a chance… it would work.

After maybe a year of that, numerous dates and spiraling depression I realized what it was doing to me. I found a half way decent dating app and canceled all the other subscriptions. Then I just started trading it as a game, 5/10 minutes here or there throughout the week and that was it. I was in a much better place. Fast forward 3 months and my gf actually swiped on me, fast forward a year and we are expecting our first kid.

My guess is, that you keep talking to the wrong women or you try to advance into a relationship too fast

In my experience, both women and men can and often do see past the physical outer and see the personality behind. The appearance is, as you say, the catalyst for initial attraction but if you keep at it, and maybe continue talking with people they should be able to see past their requirement of you not being skinny. If not, they may be using it as an excuse for not really feeling the convection. If they indeed like you as a person but not your body, then you are probably better off without them.

Also remember. No rellationship, is better than being in a bad rellationship. We all need to go through relationship’s to get better at being in one but there is no reason to look for one just to have one. It needs to be with the right person and looks play a pretty small part in this, in the long run

Much of the advice in this thread is either “Do xyz and you’ll have better chances!” or “It’s ok to be unattractive, it doesn’t mean you’re bad! Feel better!”. But that doesn’t answer your question.

It hurts, a lot, to not have intimacy for extended periods. It can burn, it can ache, and it can be a slow, subtle sort of pain. It can give rise to bitterness, as you call out, and to anger, sadness, listlessness, frustration.

Why don’t you want to be bitter? It’s a painful thing that is happening to you. That feeling isn’t wrong, it’s telling you something. If you feel a lot of pain and then suddenly stop feeling pain, that is very bad - it usually means you’re dying or your nerves are damaged. There’s no quick fix or silver bullet that will allow you to hold this like an old stoic, it’s just a lot of work.

There’s three places you can intervene: thoughts, words, and actions.

Thoughts are where this starts. If you don’t have bitter thoughts you won’t have bitter speech or actions. When you have bitter thoughts, just let them be. Don’t spiral - feeling bitter about intimacy isn’t great, but feeling bad about feeling bitter strengthens both, and it feeds itself from there. When you notice yourself spiraling or wallowing, just stop. Find a distraction or will yourself better or whatever, just don’t let it feed itself. Meditation might help if this mental action is difficult. If you can find a positive channel for these emotions (which is quite hard to find), use it!

Speech is the first layer where this can affect others, but it’s significantly lower stakes than actions. Generally, be conscientious. People can’t willingly un-know things so be careful with what you share. Don’t vent unless someone willingly signs up for it (which you can ask friends to do!). Don’t put this out like it’s a problem for someone else to fix or the worst thing that ever happened. It sucks, but it is manageable - you are managing it. When you make mistakes, point and call them. Say out loud “I did/said xyz, that was a mistake because abc, sorry, next time I’ll do/say mno instead.” This helps make a memory for you and others so you actually fix things and opens the door for feedback.

Actions will hopefully only come into this positively. Do the things that make good thoughts and speech easier. Learn to recognize how frustration and anger and bitterness feel in your body so that you can better notice+control them in the moment, and so that you can physically release that tension/sensation. If you feel urges to hurt others or yourself seek therapy.

It sucks. It hurts a lot in ways that many don’t understand or sympathize with. And it is itself a significant barrier to intimacy. I haven’t figured it all out myself, but I hope this helps. Good luck.

Have you tried working out and getting bigger?