People who make me feel like crap or worse off then when I encountered them consistently are written off and out of my life
Doesn’t matter if its family, nobody is entitled to your attention and suffering and it does nobody any real good for you to succumb to the inevitable dysfunction it creates in your life and relationships and also material conditions.
As a counter to perfectionism:
If it’s worth doing, then it’s worth doing poorly. [source: a reddit user]
I always liked, “Perfect is the enemy of good,” and a close second, “Make it work, then make it better.”
Make it work, then make it better.
I really like this one. It’s borderline a mantra.
MVP (Minimum Viable Product) is a good tool of thumb also. What is the simplest end result you can work towards to establish a foundation/working model you can iterate over if necessary later to “perfect”
“Always eat your dessert first”
Meaning, when you feel overwhelmed by a huge task or a long list of tasks in front of you, start with the easiest, smallest and most pleasant parts. That way you overcome inertia and the feeling of standing in front of a huge, looming mountain, and get in the groove.
Once you’ve started, the next task on the list is just a little bigger than the last, which you’ve just successfully completed. That way you can get a lot done, step by step.
When only the biggest and most difficult tasks are left, you can break them down into tiny steps (don’t “clean the house”, just “pick up this one thing and put it away”). Again, do the easiest steps first, and celebrate each one as a thing you’ve just successfully accomplished.
Some people say you should start with the hardest stuff to get it behind you, but I have ADHD and trying that just keeps me from starting anything at all.
On a related note, don’t write To-Do lists.
They’re a devious trick by your brain to procrastinate. You already know a dozen things that need to be done at any given moment, so instead of writing a list, just do one of them.Save the hard stuff for earlier tho. You have the most energy and patience earlier after you sleep so optimize for that window or energy
And then you fail, or you’re overwhelmed by negative emotions associated with the task, and you’re frustrated and go back to doomscrolling or trying out another Linux distro.
Adapt or die.
Treat others the way you’d like to be treated. When I call customer support, I don’t get mad at the person because it’s not their fault. If someone flubs up my order I don’t say anything. I try to smile to everyone even though I don’t want to. Even if I don’t make their day better, I try to make it at least bearable.
If someone flubs your order, you can still say something about it. Just be friendly and understanding about it instead of an entitled asshole like some people.
Be unremarkable but no so unremarkable as to be in and of itself remarkable
The way that someone responds to you is a reflection of them, not of you. If someone in your life is wildly inconsistent, all you can do is make sure that you are maintaining consistency yourself.
I’ve worked with a number of people who acted like we were besties one day and then gave me the cold shoulder for weeks. I spent too many years wondering what was wrong with me before I finally figured out that their mood swings had nothing to do with me.
I have no more right to interfere in someone else’s life than they have to interfere in mine.
Avoid people who don’t share that view.
Never do anything permanent to my body, unless it is medically necessary.
People come in and out of life… Let them.
Do not date at work.
Under absolutely no circumstance do I mess with people in relationships.
Friends that are dating:
If they break up and I’m interested in her… I give one month per year of time, one month minimum, before I approach her. That helps prevent hurt feelings, it also prevents being the “rebound”. Although, one time it cost me a possible relationship as she broke up with her fiancee’ and immediately approached me. Unfortunately, she never came out an positively stated they were broken up and it caused quite a bit of awkwardness on my part. She ended up hating my guts, but honestly I probably just dodged a bullet.Give yourself the respect you deserve. Corollary: Behave in a manner that you can respect.
There are more, but this is what I have time to type out right now.
Be slightly more useful than I am annoying… I’m really fucking annoying
Sometimes it’s fine to be annoying. But only sometimes.
Oh I’m well aware. Unfortunately I have far more control over how useful I am than how annoying I am 😅
My sides went into orbit. Specially because I’m aware that I’m often annoying, too. And… yeah, it’s hard to control it, I know, fair point!
I have two main moral guidelines by which I try to live:
A. Try to leave everything better than it was before, or at least avoid making it worse. It doesn’t have to be by much, but if every person makes things just one tiny bit better, the culminating effect will be great. Do your part.
B. The difference between a moral person and an immoral one usually doesn’t lie in the ability/inability to know right from wrong, rather in the ability to rationalize their immoral actions. Therefore:
- Doing bad things once in a while does not make you a bad person, it makes you human.
- Avoiding doing bad things 100% of the time will make you a bad person, as you’ll inevitably fail and will be forced to rationalize your actions, making it easier to do more bad things.
- What makes you a good person is the ability to know when you’re acting wrong.
From there, there are a few rules that help me along the way:
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Everyone are wrong. Assume you’re wrong about some important things/core beliefs, you’ve just yet to discover which ones. Don’t hesitate to act according to what you think is right, but understand you’re probably doing something wrong somewhere. Look for signs that show that’s the case.
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Making mistakes is fine and inevitable. Reflect on your mistakes and try not to make the same mistake twice.
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Use everything as an opportunity to learn. The best way to learn is from other people’s mistakes - it provides a visceral lesson without you having to pay the price.
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People’s opinions of you are their business, not yours. Though you should choose to use them to improve yourself when applicable.
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Admitting being wrong or admitting a mistake will not only improve things, but is a sign of strength. Not doing so is a sign of weakness. This is true both for yourself and for other people.
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Give people the benefit of the doubt and don’t be quick to judge them. Wait until you have enough data and then come to conclusions.
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No rule is correct in all situations.
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External rules (and laws) exist for a reason. If you’re going to break one of them, first understand why it’s there in the first place and why it should be ignored. Do not assume you know better than the people who came up with it.
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Blanket statements can be correct or incorrect for the most part, but they can’t be used to solely justify an action or an opinion.
When deciding what to do, the order of trumps is legal, then prudent, then right. Do what is legal unless what is prudent is illegal, then do what is prudent. If doing what is right is neither prudent or legal, do it anyway because it’s right.
Never start fights with people. Always be prepared to finish a fight someone else starts with you, quickly, without posturing, hesitation, or mercy. Regardless of their size, shape, color, creed, or uniform, bullies can never be allowed to win.
When solving a problem, always start with the simplest possibility first.
Never lend anyone: Your truck, your pen, your chainsaw, or your wife. No matter what, they’re going to do something with them that you’re not going to like.
You can never have too many pens, flashlights, knives, or bullets.
Im obsessed with truth. Its been a struggle and kept my mind occupied much through my life. It still stays with me but I am more accepting that it is a journey without end. As for the truths the acceptance of the never ending journey and the ethic of least harm. I lean toward selfishness in my morality so am unwilling to compromise for the greater good.
Admit when I’m wrong.
And learn how to defend when you’re not. Some assholes use it as an excuse to divert blame to the guy who tends to admit fault, even if it’s not actually their fault.
No.
Probably my favorite realization in life was that I might be wrong. Always, no matter how confident, we are all wrong sometimes. Even about the most basic facts, we could be wrong because brains are weird. So, I just try and minimize that while recognizing it.
Work on diagnosing and fixing the problem first, worry about appointing blame later (if at all).
This one is very important. This is one of those helpful rules I’ve actually learned in business environment first before I started applying it in personal life.
There exists a problem. Problem requires a solution. Solution requires diagnosing problem and using reasoning to solve craft solution.
Assigning blame (root cause analysis) can wait. First, fix problem. Then analyze how/why problem happened and implement corrective and preventative actions.
A company I used to work for actually had a policy of never to assign root cause as “Human error”. Individuals actually never got blamed. Instead, it was perhaps that there wasn’t enough training, or certain procedures were lacking which could’ve prevented the problem, etc.
One time someone had accidentally broke an $8 million dollar piece of equipment. They were never fired, or reprimanded at all. Instead, the investigation assigned root cause to lack of adequate safety procedures, or something like that. Therefore actions are taken to help prevent recurrence instead of just saying “They did it! Fire them!!”
They were a great company to work for because of this.
Stay curious. No one is over educated to the point that they can’t learn.
The other side of this is that anyone, no matter their background, can teach you something.
