So I tend to dress “well”. I’m not great at fashion, but I shave every morning, force myself to spend a bit of money on nice tshirts, etc.
On the weekends though, I let it all go. I go out to the store in my PJs, I don’t shave, I wear my hat and hoodie up, and to be honest look a bit like a thug. I notice people on the street are a little less comfortable walking by, however…
One thing that stood out insanely was the grocery store. When I dress like a homeless person, it is night and day difference:
- Cashier keeps the checkout stuff closer to them
- While my card transaction is pending, if I start loading stuff in my bag they’re like “oh, oh wait… It’s still pending”
- Even when I start the small-talk (“How is your day going?”), responses are short
When I dress well:
- Cashier doesn’t mind when I start loading my backpack even before paying
- Cashiers always smile and ask how my day is
I was planning on writing a blog post about it (plug to !dginovker_blog@lemmy.ml), but wanted to get more data points first
Interesting, what happens when it’s the same cashier in the two situations?
I don’t go at a frequent enough schedule to recognize the cashiers, I’m sure it’s the same for them
deleted by creator
Then why are you commenting?
Fair point, I can see how this does not add to the conversation. Sometimes I forget I am not legitimately supposed to answer with a negative.
It’s an understandable mistake regardless, but just for your reference, the “What is your story?” at the end informally indicates it only wants affirmative answers because that’s how you’d have a “story” to tell in this regard. There are often hints like that in a question like this.
I’ve into the goth scene for about two thirds of my life now, and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been asked if I’m sad or depressed. Back in college I showed up to class with some elbow length fingerless gloves, and the dude I usually sat next to practically tore them off because he thought I was covering up cutting myself. His defense was “I have a friend who dresses kind of like you, and they were those gloves to cover up scars.” Well, my dude, I am not your friend and you now no longer have a study partner. I sat elsewhere the rest of the semester.
I thought I was the only one. I grew up in po dunk AR. And being black students and teachers treated me like shit. Going so far as to give me F’s until I proved it to the princepal that it was because my race. He told me the next paper she asks you to write come to me and tell me what it was about and I will write it for you. I did as he said. He wrote it and I handed it in as my own and gave me an F. I showed him the paper he called my teacher to the office while I was sitting there and asked wtf was up with this. She had no answer but studdering. She re-evaluated my papers and gave me all A’s. Probably not the same thing as you but many time I had white paint thrown on me because I was black and they did not want a black student but thats another tale.
Oh man, one time I got judged hard at a job interview just for having tattoos. The interviewer didn’t even bother asking about my experience, just kept asking if I “planned on getting more ink.” It was really frustrating, but I ended up finding a way better job a few weeks later that didn’t care about tattoos. Sometimes these things just work out.
Depends on where I work as a Nurse…most places are cool with scrubs and showing tatoos but there was a couple places I was stationed at that forbid them and had you cover them up. I thought it was stupid because patients would ask why are you wearing long sleeves when its like 100 degrees or something.
literally everywhere everyday. i look mean enough for folks to keep a safe distance but their tongues dont care heh
I’m Jewish.
I once heard someone use the phrase “Saul to Paul” in front of one of my Jewish neighbors and I wanted to just shrink down to the size of a molecule so that I could float away.
What the fuck is that even supposed to mean?
It’s a reference to Paul, from the Bible (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_the_Apostle#Names). He was known as Saul when he was Jewish, and then later went by Paul after he converted to Christianity. The phrase “Saul to Paul” is often used to refer to someone who converted to Christianity, as opposed to being born a Christian. But it is also sometimes used more generally to mean something that turned around or improved. Like, if you want to say “glow up” but you also want to make it clear that you think Christians are better than Jews.
Ironically, the person who said it was Mormon, and most Christians do not consider Mormons to count as Christian.
Interesting, thank you.
I look really young. Like I’m 40 but routinely pass for early 20s or even late teens if I do my makeup with that aim.
I get carded buying alcohol a lot. I hated it until I was about 27, and it really started to make me feel great! Especially once my gray hair started growing in (I dye it regularly so nobody really sees them, but I know they’re there). If all you’re trying to do is guess how old I am from how I look, I will love your answer.
But people often judge my experience or expertise as if I am only as old as I look when I am really twice that age. I hate when people assume I’m the office assistant or new hire when I’m the Assistant Director. I had physical therapy for several months due to a chronic shoulder injury, and the old ladies there loved to tell (not ask) me that physical therapy must be so easy for me as if my joints aren’t fucked and my pain and effort aren’t real. Still pisses me off so much.
And don’t get me started on the creepy old guys who see legal jail bait…eugh.
I hate when people assume I’m the office assistant or new hire when I’m the Assistant Director.
I started my own company, with my name on it. I want to punch old white man who asks if “Mr Alcaran” is in, or if the owner is my father or husband.
I once did an interview with someone who asked me if this was my internship. He didn’t get the job.
There’s a lot of micro-aggressions and straight up aggressions in this post, but honestly your comment strikes the biggest nerve for me. It genuinely shows that a portion of the world don’t consciously see women as business owners
Xi thinks you should get a male dog or cat. When people ask for Mr Alcaran, show them puppy pictures. “Isn’t little Mister Alcaran a good boy!”
I’m black. Been judged and profiled my whole life.
I wanna punch racists and Nazis so bad.
Why the fuck do you think you’re better or worse depending on your skin color or ethnic background?
This is basic biology, how you are is almost completely disconnected from what you look like.
I’m so sorry for all that stuff. Hope you found a way to deal with it.
I deal with it through a lifetime of developing thick skin, education, and comedy.
The occasional threat of handing out 3/5’s of an ass whooping helps as well.
Admirable
Every racist and/or far right person deserves one punch or more in their lifetime.
Goes for those as well, who own the media and spin it to that direction. Know your fiend.
Trying to rent Tokyo apartments as a non-Japanese (with some Japanese language when I started, in my 30s, with a job and valid residence status). Got shot down so many times. Technically illegal but good luck proving it was based on race to get any relief from it.
Unfortunately, you really have to bring a Japanese person with you when you’re viewing apartments.
I found one before that was fine because of the additional stuff I mentioned above. We rented a house next time when I moved in with my wife (then girlfriend). We got pushback but it all worked out. Now I own a house so hopefully it’s never an issue again.
My brother and I got randomly selected for extra screening before getting on the plane. The entire line of random people are not white, what are the odds?
My experience after 9/11 was similar but also the opposite. I flew a lot back then. I’m white and was very young at the time. I would see minorities getting singled out but also people like me. I assumed it was to try to make it look fair. "See? We’re not bigots; we’re also inconveniencing this white young woman "
It depends on where you fly to/from
White guy in Japan. A lot of people will assume I don’t speak any Japanese (=am a tourist). I’ve had it many times where after a transaction at a shop, the staff literally tells me “I’m so glad you spoke Japanese, I was so afraid when you walked up since I can’t speak English”
Same boat. I’m yet to find a good response to that. On one hand, I want to be like “haha yea”, but on the other hand, I want to be modest and not comment on it… Which is just like an awkward silence. I usually just say something like “oh yea I used to live here” but even that feels like oversharing :p
Not as drastic as some of these comments, but I used to be pulled over once a month when I had long hair and a beard. I had a 45 minute commute everyday and like clockwork, once a month I would get pulled over for a bs reason (speeding by 5mph, flashing highs to warn other drivers, suspicious vehicle etc). Once I cut my hair, no more problems, go figure.
do you live in america?
how’d you guess? haha
because that sounds like a really american situation. I am sorry you have to live there.
I grew up non-christian in a small town. It was bad.
Growing up brown skinned I was not allowed in some of my white skinned friends’ houses because their parents thought I would steal stuff.
My wife came to Canada because her and her pilot father Mohammad had their immigration status to NYC revoked in 2001. You can guess why. A win in retrospect, but not at the time
