It’s been a long ol time since I’ve known any lesbians well enough to ask such things, but I followed my brain down a weird line of inquiry, and got to wondering about the current state of the art for the gay gals. I guess I had always assumed it was similar to the dynamics of a gay guy relationship, but then I realized that since men have both an input and an output, they can choose, but it’s mechanically a bit different for cis women. Is there any relationship between that, and the slightly more masculine versus feminine flavors? Asking for a friend, who is me. I want to know. Thanks.

  • Alk@sh.itjust.works
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    24 days ago

    I’ve seen people (lesbians) talk about it, so I’m leaning toward “yes they can but not always”, but I cannot give an authoritative answer as I am not a lesbian.

  • Björn Tantau@swg-empire.de
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    24 days ago

    A lesbian couple on Twitch got asked who the top and who the bottom was. They said they switched.

    No idea what that means mechanically.

  • 5714@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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    24 days ago

    You might want to differentiate between Top, Bottom, Switch and Top, Bottom, Versatile, i.e. BDSM vs penetration positions.

    I’d also say that this is less about physiology and more about the individual acceptance of the concept of position.

    Top, Bottom, Versatile is not necessarily a queer thing, since (cis&trans) heterosex can have positions as well. That is to say, not all queer relationships regardless of gender follow the concept of position.

    • stoicmaverick@lemmy.worldOP
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      24 days ago

      It’s not just a position thing. It’s just that everyone exists either left or right of the center on the spectrum of ‘mostly giver vs mostly receiver/passive’ spectrum. The gay male community has taken to the terms of Top and Bottom to articulate ones usual preferences, and I was just curious if lesbians had come up with a similar canvas, or if it just doesn’t come up as much with them as it does for guys.

  • communism@lemmy.ml
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    23 days ago

    Yes, but less so than with gay men. A lot of lesbians won’t identify as either, since penetrative sex is not super common with lesbians, but there are also some lesbians with a strong preference to either penetrate or be penetrated and not the other way round.

  • shalafi@lemmy.world
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    24 days ago

    C’mon OP, every sort of human sexual interaction has dynamics like this. Top or bottom, submissive or dominant, switching it up, all that, we humans do it.

  • davel [he/him]@lemmy.ml
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    24 days ago

    I suppose this question better than the previous generation’s “So which one of you is the man?”

  • TheOubliette@lemmy.ml
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    24 days ago

    In addition to the cis lesbian explanations below, don’t forget about our trans lesbian friends.

  • some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org
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    24 days ago

    I don’t think there’s any group that doesn’t have some members who like domination. But I’m just speculating and am not an expert.

  • spicy pancake@lemmy.zip
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    23 days ago

    the top is the one who has to go get the electrolyte water from the fridge when you’re both out of breath

  • Repple (she/her)@lemmy.world
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    24 days ago

    I’m very much a lesbian and can confirm we are flatlanders. I get left and right, front and back, but top and bottom? Completely foreign concepts.

    Seriously though. It seems to me very popular among young lesbians to talk about tops and bottoms, but I’m a bit older (around 40) and that was never really a thing for me or the people around me.

  • Chloë (she/her)@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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    21 days ago

    Me and my gal do have a top/bottom dynamic but it’s not very strong, like it’s just flirting and foreplay.

    There is no top or bottom when we do anything physically sexual, we just do it together and that’s great :)

  • growsomethinggood ()@reddthat.com
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    24 days ago

    Hi! Not strictly a lesbian here but in a lesbian relationship. Yes, lesbians have top/bottom dynamics typically in the “one doing the action” vs the “one being acted upon” across various different acts. Most switch it up (“vers”), rather than identifying primarily as tops or bottoms. If you are strictly a top or strictly a bottom, you’re described as “stone” as in “stone top” or “stone bottom”.

    Very important that these are completely different roles than dominant/submissive/switch, which are BDSM terms and describe a more psychological aspect of a relationship than the more physical top/bottom/vers.

  • Vibi@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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    24 days ago

    You’ll find that in queer culture, there’s not just top/bottom but a wide spectrum to define or describe preferences; I’m sure this all also applies to the BDSM world as well. There’s a variety of tops and bottoms and preferences like Bambi lesbians who don’t want sexual dynamics beyond cuddling and kissing.

    • stoicmaverick@lemmy.worldOP
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      24 days ago

      Ya, but why is everyone jumping to BDSM? That’s not what I asked. I’ve never heard the term before, but I feel like “Bambi lesbian” is kinda reinventing the wheel for the sake of a cute name. Isn’t that just a romantic asexual with a gay modifier?

      • psycotica0@lemmy.ca
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        24 days ago

        I think the reason people are jumping to BDSM community terms is because BDSM people fucking love terms. They’ve got taxonomy for days, and they live to whip it out, so to speak.

      • juliebean@lemm.ee
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        23 days ago

        it kind of is, as far as i can tell, or at least it’s adjacent, though the term actually predates modern asexual nomenclature, and the split-attraction model, which didn’t really take off until the internet did. ‘bambi lesbian’ has merely had a resurgence in recent years because it sounds cute as hell.