I have them, they are great. Here are a few obvious things I’ve learned that I didn’t appreciate beforehand:

The complexity of the endeavor rises exponentially with the number of kids. That is to say, 3 is a much bigger leap from 2 than 2 was from 1.

They get dramatically more expensive and complicated as they get older. All that exhausting baby activity is the easy part. As you start to figure out how to do it, the rules shift and you have to get learning again.

I never imagined how much of adult life as a parent revolves around the literal management of shit. Between kids, pets, and aging parents, I just never expected to be so preoccupied with the logistics of excrement. I guess I was living in some kind of Disneyland in the before times. You sort of get used to it though. Sort of.

I have to daughters, and my personal experience has been overwhelmingly positive.

By that I do NOT mean that it’s convenient - it absolutely is not. It’s stressful, and all hedonistic pleasures go down the drain for a period of time. But they give my life meaning in a way few other things can.

I’m sterile so I couldn’t even if I wanted to. Which I don’t. My country is in a piss-poor state right now and my hypothetical child would be raised in suffering and poverty.

I have a kid. My wife wanted one but I didn’t, and I agreed because I didn’t want to lose her.

I love my kid, but to call it a huge lifestyle change is a monumental understatement. I’m happy with my life, but it could have gone the other way, and that wouldn’t have been fair to anyone. There are certainly a lot of things I miss from before, but I couldn’t go back now.

Don’t let anyone else convince you to have a kid, and don’t let anyone, including yourself, convince your spouse. This really needs to be something you want for yourself, or there is a good chance you’ll end up miserable and your child will grow up in a broken home.

If you can’t make to your mind before your age make it too risky for your comfort, then just understand that you have made a decision, and you’ll need to come to terms with that, should it come to pass.

I have 2 kids. One bit and one girl. Wish I had a third, but I got snipped after 2.

Absolutely fucking not. Me and my wife can’t think of many things we’d want less, tbh.

Yes

🤔 i like the idea of kids, but i am worried that I’ll accidentally pass down all my traumas to them by trying hard to avoid it.

Also, i have voiced this before many times and i always get told “that just means you’ll be a great dad,” or “you know what not to do so it’ll be fiiiine.”

Idk. I can be convinced, for sure, but right now i think it’s not the best idea for me to have them.

Only have children if you are ready to give up your own comfort and freedom to provide an environment for them that they deserve and will thrive in. I have 3 kids and knew that it was a huge commitment, but that still won’t prepare you for exactly what that means. You wake up when your child wakes up, regardless of how much sleep you’ve had or if you stayed up late to have some hard-to-find personal time with your significant other or alone. Children crave attention and deserve to have a locked-in parent so when they are awake, scrolling on social media or watching your TV show instead of interacting with your kid playing on the floor is a disservice to them. Some of your closest friends before children are often not compatible with the vision you have for your family and it requires you to cut some people out of your life that you honestly valued before you were responsible for the development of another human. There are many sacrifices that really shocked my system to get accustomed to, but it has been worth the trouble. Just remember that they come first above your comfort and wishes because they didn’t ask to be here and your choice to bring them into this world means that your are responsible for creating an environment for them to feel safe and loved.

Having a kid has helped me learn and realize so much about myself and my life that I wouldn’t have been able to learn otherwise. The same can be said about many of my other major life experiences. Sometimes I miss being alone and being able to do whatever the fuck I want, but I realize I’m still learning how to balance my life and seeing my child every day makes me happy (even if she is going through a hellion phase).

I have a son that is the most important thing in my life. He is 2.5 now, but it took me a year to adjust to my new life, and I am shamed to admit that several episodes could have a been handled better. (No abuse, but daddy getting angry for a toddler being a toddler) It took a toll on the relationships too. Still does since tired people have shorter fuses.

Bottom line now is that he fills me with joy. Watching him learn new thing like how there ia fluff between his toes (and do dad have it too?) to how all water used for painting turns grey. How he practices being a ninja sneaking up on me (but can’t contain his excitement and giggle) The texture of food, and how spaghetti sticks.

Of course you are tired and stressed, and the random pain from unexpected movements when dressing him, or from death dives on the couch is always there. But I would not trade him for anything.

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I have one child, now adult, who reminds me every day that she didn’t ask to be born and wishes she hadn’t been. It’s hard to explain to someone without the life experience of it all but I couldn’t have known how shit the world was about to get when she was born (summer 2001) so it seemed like a good idea at the time. Every single day of her life has been hard both for her and us in various ways. And I wish the world was gentler for her.

Suffice to say, I can’t believe there are any people actively trying to bring new people in to the world right now. Shit has been bleak as fuck for decades and it gets worse every day. Even the new plague didn’t help. I feel bad enough knowing the world she was introduced to is so terrible but I didn’t know it was going to be. But now? Guys it’s actually very bad, how could you present this to a new innocent person like,”here’s life! Enjoy!” Pass.

I always thought I’d make a better uncle than a father. Time has proven me right.

I am in no financial situation to need to think about kids.

Luckily, I don’t need to worry about stumbling into kids either.