Speaking as someone who did similar:

You will never be able to make him understand why you’re cutting off contact. You may not see that now. Spork knows, I didn’t for a few years. But it’s true, if you try to explain he will simply try to debate or he’ll push you off as immature.

To save your own sanity, all you can do is cut ties completely.

Other people here may offer differing advice. Some of them haven’t been through this situation, so they can’t know the torment you’re going through.

I can only speak from my experience.

Cutting them off was the best thing I did for my mental health. Cutting them off was not easy. I still think of them sometimes, of what might have been. But I’m comfortable with my decision, I’m confident I made the right one. Through plenty of evidence-based psychology, I now understand the reasons.

Getting back to your first question: sometimes, it’s good to be selfish for the right reasons. Maintaining your own health and well-being? That’s the right reason.

Your father’s desire to hurt people is far more selfish than making him discuss something. But if you make him discuss it, he will only act threatened and refuse to see your point of view.

You will only begin to heal once you cut him out of your life. I don’t say that lightly.

Again, if someone hasn’t lived through a situation like this (and hasn’t had to make the same hard decisions), they can’t understand. So don’t be afraid of the naysayers.

Your mental health must come first. You can’t fix others if you’re broken.

It’s always right to survive.

Not selfish at all.

I’ve cut so many people from my life. I have a rule. If you exist in my life, and all you do is make me angry, there better be a REASON you’re making me angry. Like when I was TRYING to get my dad to accept help from the government a few years back. His roof is failing. It’s only getting worse. Our city has a roof replacement program for seniors. Totally free roof. His house is rotting. When it rains outside, it rains inside.

So yeah, I fought him for 2 years trying to get him to take the roof.

Yeah I made him angry, but it’s because I care about him. And the fight is about getting him to take care of himself.

Unlike my sister, who will call, just to argue, and fight, with no real reason. I don’t answer her calls.

And when I’ve had “friends” that only care about you when they need something, fuck off. I’m a generous person, who people think they can take advantage of. And I guess they can to a certain extent. I don’t mind helping those in need. But there comes a point when you realize “I only see this guy every few months, and only when he has some sob story, and needs something”.

THATS when I stop talking to friends. OR when I realize that I’m ALWAYS the one who has to innitiate contact. Like if I just stayed silent, the friendship would just be over. Ok then. Guess you never think about me if I’m not already in your presense. I don’t need those people in my life.

My best friend at work is a dyed-in-the-wool conservative. He will never not be - and I rush to profess that he is not an asshole…he just thinks conservitave/republican is the side he needs to support probably because that’s what daddy did, dunno. We see eye-eye on most other things.

We do not agree on anything political except that everyone is way too heated up over everything. We are still friends, regardless.

My point in responding is that his gay daughter disconnected from him after Trump v.1 - would not take a call or interact in any way. This is painful for my friend and he has been confused by it but does not realize why his daughter won’t engage. I think she is offended that his political choice doesn’t allow for her right to exist and, frankly I agree with her.

I think my friend has lost his daughter forever because he is a stubborn man. I hope your dad can open his heart to accept you.

Obviously, your mental health and well-being and that of your partner are the first consideration. Please do whatever the two of you need to survive the times.

That said, when I read, “it’s either me or these beliefs/trump,” I wondered how you would have reacted if your dad had said you have to choose between him and being gay/your partner. I assume you might have shut the door in his face, felt good about it, and never looked back.

I doubt he’ll feel any different about it.

Something I’m seeing a lot is the statement “I’m not distancing myself because of political differences, I’m distancing myself because of moral differences”

Anyone who is happy at the expense of others losing rights, is not different from you politically, they’re different from humanity, as far as basic ethics.

You’re not selfish. You’re strong. Stronger than me and I’m proud of you for trying to fight to help your dad, but please don’t do it at your own expensive. I’m pan and non-monagamous but buried further in the closet than a cable that “definitely will be useful in the future” because my family would turn on me in a heartbeat.

It’s about you, you’re not doing it to make a point. You’re doing it to protect your mental health. Maybe you can approach it from that angle with your father. And if he carries on the way he did then I guess he got a fair warning.

I don’t think it’s selfish. At all.

If you let him know you’ll be there for him whenever he decides to leave the cult, you’re pretty much being generous. You don’t owe him forgiveness, but offering it up front might also make it easier for him to one day get out. And it might make it easier on you as well.

I think it’s best to straght ghost them, but I haven’t personal had to do that to family-- only family friends. They won’t change their views for you, it’s really just for your own mental health and a clean cut is so much more satisfying.

It’s always probably they’ll change on their own eventually and want to reconcile and if that happens, there’s always a way to find someone if one tries hard enough. And if he doesn’t change? People like that deserve to die alone.

Talk to him. And however that conversation goes if you feel like cutting contact then cut contact. Family or not toxicity sucks. And you, like many other people, can make a new family from friends

“Dad, I can’t do this anymore. You do you and I’ll do me and let’s touch base again in 4 years.”

Do what you want, God is fake.

My brother didn’t vote and in person around family, he is not a Trump supporter but he is conservative. Publicly via social media, he’s never once said a bad thing about Trump and has never hesitated to strawman shit on Dems. During the run up to the election, he made some comments about Kamala after the first debate, and it was all just horseshit takes. I typed a dozen messages and deleted them because what I was going to send would have been one of those things you don’t come back from. Instead I’ve completely cut him out of my life and I’m on active avoidance. The only saving grace for him, is that I know he didn’t vote for Trump, which means almost nothing, but he didn’t actually do the worst thing. Because of that, in 4 years, I’m going to assess the damage of this Presidency and make a choice on if I will ever even consider seeing him again or if he’s dead to me. I will never forgive him and we will never have a relationship, but there’s a chance that we might both be able to go to familial gatherings, like funerals in the future.

For me, this isn’t a very difficult decision. We’ve never really been super close since he’s quite a bit older, but we were good. I’m fully prepared to miss significant events to avoid him. I’m not sure what your relationship with your father is like, but one thing you have to consider is how it’s going to affect anything else family related, like family reunions, funerals, weddings, holidays, etc. Make sure that you think of all of the effects this may have before jumping the gun and doing something you can’t undo. You can certainly try and salvage the relationship and have a serious heart to heart where you lay it all out, and if that’s not enough, then I suppose that the decision is easier. Alternatively, if you’re ready to be done, you have the option of sending him something with a reason, telling him what’s up and bye, or ghosting him. If you ghost him, that will make any chances of rebuilding a future relationship a lot harder.

Best of luck.

You should limit interactions for your own mental health. This will be unpopular among the more strident hardliners, and I cannot presume to know your situation. Some, if not most of Trump supporters are woefully misinformed. Cutting them off can make them more defensive and further entrenched.

As time progresses, the cognitive dissonance they are experiencing will become overwhelming and they will need a place to land. We cannot confront this with tough love. Eventually some of them will see Trump for what he is, and only with patience and compassion can we bring them over. The time to take sides will come, and we will need everyone who is willing to help.