I’m 42 (TransFemme). I work from home. Have precisely zero close friends and not even any real surface level friends that don’t live 4+ hours away. Acquaintances at best and none I can comfortably call upon when shit goes sideways. I have no family. They all have either passed or, like my original friend group, disowned me about a decade ago when I came out and transitioned. So no one to put on an “In case of emergency” contact form.
Work holds no meaning other than a paycheck. I don’t really feel a desire to improve a billionaire’s bank statement with my hard work.
It feels like I’m just going through the motions. Biding my time until the inevitable. I know I can’t be the only one. Heck some of y’all may even be flourishing after similar situations. For me? Everyday feels more lonely than the last.
How do y’all do it?
(No this isn’t an unalive myself cry for help. Yes I am in regular therapy. I just don’t have any other avenue for asking such things besides publicly here and some other socials)
EDIT to add: I live in very rural US and unfortunately moving is not an option for me at this time or anytime soon.
I wouldn’t say it was unusual to have fewer friends as you age. Plenty of people seem happy spending time by themselves or with their partner.
That said, I’ve noticed in my 30s that some friends who’ve coupled up (some with new families tbf), are pulling out of more social plans or generally seeming less interested in hanging out. I think they are making a mistake there: friends are way easier to make in your 20s/30s and you need to tend to friendships to keep them alive.
I am in your friends position… between a rough pregnancy and being overwhelmed with being a new parent, I dropped off the social radar for almost two full years. Reconnecting was a bit weird, but totally doable.
I wouldn’t worry about it too much if you just haven’t seen people for a while. I’ve got friends I see <1 time a year but we pick up where we left off.
I was maybe grumbling on the downlow there about a couple who have become quite flaky and keep cancelling on my partner and I at the last minute. Try to avoid doing that too often!
As you get less time you quickly learn to stop inviting people like that, as it’s not worth your time chasing them. If they want to see you they will reach out and make the effort. If they don’t then you have your answer.
Same here, we have twins and it has taken every ounce of energy to keep everything going.
A lot of friendships have suffered over the last 2 years. I am slowly trying to get back to people and catch up. It’s fine with most, but i fear some may have just moved on.
Yeah it’s completely normal, especially because most people this age have multiple kids that take up most of their free time. People move, change jobs, die, etc and also just don’t have the time to maintain many friendships. It’s normal.
According to most studies the majority of adults have between 1-4 close friends. If you don’t make friends with workmates, even if they’re just “workday friends”, you’ve basically got a few hours on Saturday and Sunday to develop and maintain friendships, and it’s hard when everyone has commitments.