Hey bro, I am really sorry you went through that and I really hope you are getting help the you need and are working on your traumas even if it’s fricking hard.

I don’t want to make this into a dick meassuring contest on who had it worse, but I was also held inside by my parents my whole childhood and teenage years. I was lucky enough to have an alcoholic father (who was drinking away the sorrows of his abbusive childhood) and a manipulative, helicopter mum (who was over compensating the fact that she was never loved by her mum). And yeah as a kid I was beat up so often I even developed strategies against it (putting toys in my pants so I would feel the belt that hard). Every lunch / dinner I would be yelled at, telling me I was lucky I was not abandoned, how stupid I was, how I was a waste of space from my drunk dad while my mum said nothing. As a teen once I was taller than my mum and beating wasn’t an option anymore my mum would pull all the plays from the manipulation book to keep my dancing on the palm of her hands (she even tries it today, even if she lives like 1000km away from me.) She used my own chronic illness for so long as ways for manipulation… to keep me inside… boyyy there are so many things she uaed as a form of manipulation. TLDR my brother has dysfunctional depression, PTSD and has given up. My sister has burnout depression due to the PTSD, ah is still fighting. I have functional depression and PTSD from my childhood and am still fighting. (My parents really out did themselves 3 of 3 mentally fucked by our up bringing).

Still, that doesn’t change the fact that childhood can be pretty good if you are not dealt a shitty hand and there is everywhere some kinda brightside at any point and age you are at in life. I’ve gotten to know people that have had a shittier childhood than me and I’ve gotten to know people that had it way better than I had it. I’ve gotten to know inspiring people that got over their childhood trauma and other mental illnesses and people that gave up. Healthy people and people that act as if they are healthy. That’s why I personally chose adulthood in the answer earlier. Because as an adult I realized I can work on things. I’m pretty lucky I got a good therapist I can work on my past on and yes, there were time I did not want to go to therapy because we are going through some deep wounds… it may have felt awefull at first but it’s getting better and better…

PS. I hope you seek yourself help and find the kind of help you need. And yes it may hurt at first but the pay off is incredible. Stay strong.