If I had been asked this fifteen years ago, I’d have said 0/10. I was a time bomb. I quite literally wanted to die and take everyone with me. I was in a marriage with a spouse who was emotionally, physically, and sexually abusive. We had two kids I couldn’t summon the ability to be a good father to because my mental health was in the toilet. I had the career I thought I had always wanted but I dreaded going to work because I was surrounded by hostility by absolutely everyone I served. And I was not earning enough to make any of this bearable. I slogged through my waking hours filled with a rage and hate that was getting harder and harder to keep bottled up.

Eventually I did implode, and it was extremely ugly, and I ended up involuntarily institutionalized for a couple years. Spouse made it all about her and managed to convince everyone in her circle that she was the hero and I was the villain and turned everyone against me, including my kids.

I was in pretty intense therapy for a few years, and during that time I learned a lot not only about myself, but about the people in my life, and what they actually were. I put that knowledge to work once I was in a position to put my life back together.

Today I have a new home, new job, and new friends and family connections that include almost no one from my past. The hardest part is living with the regret of the damage I did to people who didn’t deserve it at the time. But today I have a new son, and while I wish I could have made my relationship with his mom work, at least we still get along and coparent well. New job is demanding of my time but I’m good at it, am respected by my coworkers, and enjoy the work. I give it a solid 7/10 and improving slowly. But man I low-crawled though Hell to get here.