ADHD is not a quirk. It is ruining my life. I am disorganized, I am in debt, I am paralyzed. I can’t even get help; I have tried navigating the maze of finding a doctor who will accept my crappy exchange insurance but I always end up throwing in the towel. I thought I found one, once, but sike, he’s an addiction counselor who refuses to prescribe stimulant medication on principle.
Not that I’m opposed to trying nonstims again, but I was prescribed Strattera in high school and it made me so drowsy I failed chemistry because I couldn’t stay awake even with a full night of sleep. Also, bonus, his profile on the site I used to find him lied, and he doesn’t actually accept my insurance. Here’s a $500 bill for our 45 minute zoom call where I accused you of drug seeking. I got his practice to cancel the charge but still.
ADHD is ugly; ADHD looks like every chair in my apartment being full of clutter (and me subsequently freaking out because I hate clutter). it looks like brushing my teeth every two or three or five days. It looks like being able to hold on to my job as a waiter nothing else. It looks like me having the money to pay my bills, me wanting to pay those bills, and then me getting sent to collections anyway. ADHD looks like ghosting an old best friend because I’m too embarrassed to keep up with him. It looks like my partner shouldering more of the housework than is fair. And I get to look back on all this behavior, identify and accept that I am the problem, and then I get to do fuck all to fix it. ADHD looks like a horizon that gets narrower and narrower every day.
And I feel alone. ADHD is not cute. It sucks to suck.
I’m so sorry for this, @ebolapie@lemmy.world. You are not alone, and this is definitely the biggest drawback to ADHD. I also have AuDHD, so when I find something interesting I can hyper-fixate on it to the detriment of anything and everything, including bodily needs. If it’s something uninteresting but necessary, it might as well be a walk to Mordor, even if it’s small.
Stimulants like Adderall can help, but there are drawbacks. Like the drowsiness you mentioned, stimulants work the opposite on ADHD brains as normie ones.
I’ve personally learned to cope through “coffee rituals.” When I need to do something that feels impossible even if it’s small — like laundry or paying a bill — I will make a cup of coffee, down it quickly, and then get to work. Caffeine is a stimulant and can help you focus for a little while. Adderall works the exact same way, but usually comes in “slow release” forms so it lasts longer.
I do feel I rely on my partner a lot, but they are the sweetest person in the world and are supportive and understanding and helpful in a constructive way. For example, “here’s a coffee, help me fold the laundry?” See if you can work out something similar with your partner.
We’re all here for you and will share what advice we can. Digital hugs, stranger.