When I was a kid, all the adults said “Stay in school kid.” So I graduated.

Then as a teenager, they said “Don’t take up smoking”. So I didn’t.

Then as a young adult they said “Don’t become an alcoholic”. So I didn’t.

I figure if basically every person of a certain age group is all saying the same thing, there must be truth in those words.

Now they’re all elderly, and I’m 42, and they’re saying “Don’t get old, kid”.

…what do I do? Am I supposed to commit suicide? Is there some magic fountain of youth I don’t know about? WHAT DO THEY WANT FROM MEEEEEE???