My mother died this year. It happens to everyone if you live long enough. It still sucked. She had MS since 18, died at 66. More than ten thousand days in the fire.

I am trying to come to terms with her disease and how I was not a great son. Could have, should have, would have. The three horseman of regret. I think most people have similar thoughts when a loved one passes, but it still hurts.

I have resolved to carry a picture of her to every mountain I hike up. Take her with me where she could not in her life. I wrote a letter of goodbyes to her and left it in mailbox peak. It still doesn’t feel enough.

I hate the person I was while she was alive. I was there, but not the person I should have been. The benefit of hindsight.