spoiler
idk if “gentle” is the right term, I was thinking “温柔” and its the best translation I guess
Feel free to share anecdotes, or scientific studies if you have any.
So my mom was kinda like half and half… I feel like I absored half of the “gentleness” and half of the rage…
Dad was kinda just neutral… like stoic as hell except a few times of getting mad…
There is no right answer to great big stereotypes like this. Sure, raising someone with love and tenderness can keep them from growing up into a big violent asshole. I call that a good outcome. But in previous generations, this was somehow made into a bad thing. “The women made him soft!” That’s hardcore patriarchal bullshit and an excellent example of men oppressing men.
It sounds like you may be deep in the pocket of that oppression, if you think that “stoic as hell except for occasionally getting mad” is neutral. That is not neutral dude. That sucks. I’m sorry you dad never showed you love and kindness, to the point where you question your mother for doing so. Wake up from this for your own sake.
It’s called being in a Chinese family… the “overton window” of what’s “normal” is different
I think their way of showing “love” is not exactly by physical affection. Like the concept of a “Chinese father cuddling their children” is not even a thing… (I don’t think so)
It’s more like materialistic (money) and other stuff like driving kids to school, etc…
And oddly enough… my mom sucks at cooking (taste bad lmao) so I remember my dad cooked a lot
And a lot of household stuff… like broken things that needs to fixed…
Also like helping out with the family bussiness… which I also did a lot… but mom kinda overlooks my contributions… :(
I mean maybe just “Chinese culture” is weird…
Oh btw I NEVER SAW MY PARENTS KISS 🤷♂️
I asked my mom about it and she say they do it when I’m not looking?
press x to doubt (it’s an arranged marriage lol)
Idk if they even fuck, except like that two times to procreate… their room is open lol…
As it happens, I am married to someone raised in a Chinese family so I hear you and am familiar with a lot of the dynamic. We just talk about it very openly as an unhealthy and even abusive way to grow up.
I remember I got promoted at work and one of the VPs above me sent me an email saying “we’re proud of you.” He happened to be Asian. And my wife was floored that he actually said this.