I, personally, have always been fond of headphones that double as ear muffs. Back in the day that meant Sennheisers - it may mean something else now, though.

Paprika or poultry?

Headphones and a volume dial that goes to 11.

I got drunk with a buddy in HS on wine coolers. We both puked a lot. I have avoided ever getting drunk since.

Also, my butthole was clenched when I read the beginning of your story - I am quite happy it didn’t have the ending I feared.

My knowledge of cartoon physics tells me that birds are essentially immune to any damage. If you punch them in the beak it will just spin around until they, using their opposable thumbs, adjust it back into place. If you punch them in the neck you’ll just leave a temporary fist shaped aberration in their spinal cord which will quickly snap back into place. Aiming for their feet or body is futile since they’ll just instantly dodge your attack by flexing their mass dramatically out of the way and instantly counter with significant emotional damage.

It is a fight you can’t win good Sir or Madame.

Other than our deeply ingrained political dysfunction there isn’t anything stopping us from redefining the edge cases we care about without tearing it all down. Laws and legal systems are insanely complex and while there is a lot of injustice in the world the source of that isn’t how laws work but small carve out and how those laws are being applied unjustly. As a software engineer that delights in recklessly refactoring entire systems at once I think this is an instance where making small targeted changes would be better for everyone. We know Citizens United is dumb, for example, so congress or the FEC could just pass a law or make a rule to fix that - it’s only our political dysfunction that stops us.

That’d be fine if they weren’t dragging the rest of the world along with them.

Spray-on spray-on leggings.

That’s a separate issue that’s usually solved by having bones.

Corporations are not granted the same rights as natural persons - they’re granted some of the rights of natural persons (and some of those make sense while other are dumb).

Preventing corporations from operating as persons when contributing to political campaigns would be an absolute win for representation… Citizens United was a trash ruling by trash people.

Preventing corporations from operating as persons when interacting with the legal system would massively complicate our legal code and probably lead to a lot of awful edge cases where they could dodge liability for their actions. They are generally immune to manslaughter and some industries have dumb political carve outs (like firearms manufacturers having immunity to most product liability) but people’s ability to sue, i.e. a paper mill after getting luekimeia relies on corporate personhood in our current system.

When we talk about “corporations shouldn’t be people” we (I think it’s fair to be generally inclusive here) are talking about their ability to donate to politicians and political causes.

No one can acquire a billion dollars in an ethical manner. All billionaires are criminals.

That’s fucking awful but also not a reason to ignore future victims of sexual assault.

Or even more accurate: “No it’s the people who complain about healthcare costs who are wrong!”

In three consecutive months, for the same amount of the same medication from the same pharmacy, I paid 270$, 30$, and 0$.

Healthcare pricing is complete fucking bullshit.

Inb4noconfidence.

Ah, a classic move by “the party of personal freedoms”.

I’ve got a pen you’d be welcome to borrow.

Looks nervously at .ml … they are - but they’re the cool ones that are just a bit too fond of furry art.

Yea, I’d definitely trust us with that… we could probably get one of our highly trust worthy billionaires to run it.

Maybe we could equip this moon base equipped with civilization ending microbes with a giant laser just in case sending the bio weapon back to earth seems too expensive to the board members?

Fuck, again?