Heard a guy respond to another guy calling him a motherfucker with ‘yeah, but your mom didn’t complain much’, so it got me thinking. What are your best comebacks for the common insults you hear from time to time?
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One I’ve heard: a guy was giving another guy some shit for drinking a “girly drink”, saying “real men don’t drink those”.
The guy instantly responded, “Real men drink whatever the fuck they want.”
Man. I’m gonna use this one for sure!
It lands best if you order a Cosmo or something equally “girly” coloured right before.
Rose wine or one of those raspberry beers don’t count?
All the raspberry beers I’ve had are regular beer coloured honestly, but Rose absolutely gives the right effect.
For girl colored drinks, a Pink Lady is an incredible cocktail for all genders to enjoy, and one I’d recommend if your bartender can actually make it. Best when a bar makes their own grenadine, too.
What is it, your period?
Absolutely! What is more manly than being independent and not giving a damn about what others think!
“I fucked your mom”
Oh, so now you’re disappointing other people’s parents?
Wow, nice.
If someone calls you fat.
Ya I’m fat but I can lose weight. The hell are you going to do with that face.
I’ve heard this one!
Heard of. Heard of.
If it’s someone random, and I haven’t said anything to them at all, I’ll usually put on a confused face and sign “What?” in ASL. Really takes the piss out of them. The hardest part is keeping a straight face when they try to repeat the insult but louder.
It’s also my go-to power move when I’m in a long line or waiting room and someone tries to get chatty. Seriously, if you have the opportunity to take some ASL classes, you definitely should.
I love that this thread is slowly developing into a Monkey Island sword fighting training course.
‘you fight like a barmaid!’
You are rubber, I am glue!
Oh yeah? Well… I’m selling these fine leather jackets.
If someone calls you a pussy, the best response is “you are what you eat, dick.”
The best comeback to an insult in general is:
“Who is this clown?”
Because it not only calls them a clown, but it infers they aren’t even popular enough to be a well-known clown.
*implies
Who is this clown?
I pull out the “I’m rubber, you’re glue”. Nobody expects it these days, either that or “Would Mister Rogers approve of your actions?” I’ve yet to meet someone who doesn’t at least pause at that.
I can’t pull it off, but “I’m thinking you weren’t burdened with an over-abundance of schooling.” From Firefly is killer
Your mother was a hamster, and your father smells of elderberries.
Which, IIRC, insinuated that their mother was a snackish breeder and their father was a gin drunk. (Also, that she was past tense?)
She got better
Might go for a walk!
“How appropriate, you fight like a cow”
“I’ve been called worse by better people”.
That’s just like… Your opinion man
You’re not wrong Walter, you’re just an asshole.
The best response to every insult is “ok”. Say that and walk away.
If you want my cum back you’ll have to scrape it off your mother’s teeth - Jimmy Carr
“Well, I guess you’re no longer invited to my birthday party.”
Said to a random person, it confuses the hell out of them.
