Finally found the man I thought I would marry, but the breakup came out of nowhere and I’m struggling to cope. What are the ways you’ve dealt with heartbreak in the past?
Dive into a hobby or passion, or find one. Fitness is a great alternative because it helps rebuild your own self-confidence while giving you an outlet to vent some of your feelings. Try to do something more socially that may transition into making new connections slowly.
Edit: Music is also fantastic for this. Dive into playing an instrument.
Removed by mod
Why? Just remember: After some time (depending on your instrument, age and talent) you’ll suddenly be able to play really good sounding music <3
Definitely don’t do what I do, which is to shut down entirely, pretend it doesn’t bother you, and completely close the door on any future relationships until you’ve gotten so used to being alone that you probably couldn’t allow another person in even if you wanted to. Super healthy stuff! Honestly, being able to express that you’re sad and hurt is good. It hurts and it can feel unbearable, but it means you’re still feeling things. The last time I coped in a healthy way, I wanted to wallow in bed (and I did, some) but I made myself get up and do small things I enjoyed. Nothing big that required a lot of effort, just things like going to get lunch with my mom or taking a walk with a friend. It was distracting enough to ease the pain, and showed that my whole life wasn’t over because of a break up. The only other thing that helped was time.
It’s a duet. The lead singers of the two bands used to date. They never publicly said this, but I suspect it was about their breakup, and how messy and complicated breaking up with someone you love can be.
Time is unfortunately the best medicine. Just take it one day at a time. Don’t stay in contact with them. Reach out to your friends and try to fill your time spending time with them.
Main thing is to keep yourself distracted. The ruminating will come, but right now you need to heal. I wasn’t able to clearly reflect on my ex and our relationship for easily over a year or so later.
Same as I deal with everything. Alcohol. Lots of it.
I use the Cave Johnson defense.
Are you suggesting that OP should burn their ex’s house down? With the lemons? That OP should have their engineers invent a combustible lemon that burns their ex’s house down?
I do have access to like 50 engineers, at least one of them would volunteer.
Everybody deals differently with heartbreaks. But I think what’s most important is to take care of yourself and don’t let your mind rot in thoughts and sadness. Of course first few days are gonna be though, express your feelings by writing them down, or by songs, art etc but as I said don’t hold on to it for too long
It sucks big time for a while, there’s no set time for how long. What I can tell you is once some of that fog has cleared and you can focus on yourself, you can learn to fall in love with yourself again. At least for me, I realized I had my positive emotions tied so much into my old relationship that I didn’t know how to cope without that relationship there. We definitely had some co-depency issues that were extremely unhealthy, and without all that to distract me, I could finally start working on myself and figuring out who I am. What I want and don’t want. It’s a long road but if you can focus on self care and improvement, it will make things much easier and more fulfilling in the long run.
No clue. Doesn’t really seem like there is a definitive solution…
Be gentle with yourself.
I uh…
I’ve heard getting absolutely railed helps some people…
Yes, OP. Go forth and embrace the sloot you’ve sometimes imagined to be. Free yourself.
This isn’t the exact same situation but me and my SO of 8 years broke up in January. It hurt a lot at first but over time I’m happier then i ever thought i would be without her. It’s an excellent opportunity to look at yourself with an introspective lens and grow as a person.
That and a lot of anime, video games, working out, magic the gathering, and discovering new hobbies.
Am so sorry to hear about this. Your message makes me wonder about two past relationships
(1) In one I spent years with someone and it actually was a very toxic relationship, but I didn’t realize it during the whole time. What happened was that when I got dumped, I thought I’d die and instead I got over it very quickly by noticing how much I’d lost of myself and how I was rediscovering of myself. It turned out I was able to flush it from myself in less that 6 months. It probably also helped I had finally found what I wanted to do for myself
(2) About a year and a half after the previous relationship, I found someone I really wanted to be with and who made it incredibly hard to get together with. I worked so hard and then we got together. After a month together, she cheated on me with my (then) best friend of several years. It took me years to get over this and we’d been together for just a month. Somehow the fact I wasn’t able to fully live this relationship hurt me way more than the previous long (but horrible) relationship.
Finding things that you enjoy doing helps a lot, but mainly it’s time that heals your wounds.
Thanks for coming to my TED talk
Edit: fixed grammar
Wow my condolences, getting cheated on is awful. And don’t feel bad about my situation, it was the best breakup I’ve ever had. We both had realized beforehand that over the years we were together, the spark had slowly faded. We were so compatible as friends that when we spent time together, it was more like hanging out with a friend than a partner. The breakup itself took almost 3 hours and it was just us reminiscing about all the good times we had and how neither of us were at fault. I hope she finds someone worthy of how great she is, just like i wish the same for myself. It was truly a wholesome time, and now that i know what the real thing feels like, i know I’ll find it again some day.
I hope you find that special someone that vibes in the exact same way you vibe, the kind of person that makes your heart excited like a kid getting excited for chicken nuggets.
Thanks for your words! I wish the same to you (your description of excitement is so awesome!)! Hang in there!
What your words triggered in me are fairly old emotions. Those two bad relations happened many years ago and now am I with someone I hope will last (you never know, but fingers crossed)
I always wanted a life partner, someone I can share everything with, even back in my early teens. After the two very hard break-ups with my cheating ex girlfriends - one of the two relationships went on for almost a decade too and almost drove me into suicide, or worse - I decided to just not bother with relationships anymore, platonic or romantic. It’s like I’m a magnet for abusive people and too gullible to handle them, since despite my jealousy that I kept eating up (which in hindsight was unfortunately always warranted and I should’ve listened to it) I tried to believe them, not wanting to lose them. So now I make sure I shut myself off from everyone to never fall for anyone ever again. What I can say, despite how much it hurts in the beginning, the pain itself will subside with time, so you should just give yourself that and as much as you need. Distractions can help in the intermediate period, but you will also want to make some room to properly process things. Otherwise it’ll haunt you.
Direct my energy and attention to all the me things that got swept aside when I was with them. You have fewer distractions now. Go get those things done you’ve been putting off!
Booze and hookers
