At what step do you struggle the most?
Talking to people I don’t know and initiating conversations in general. If the other person doesn’t approach me first, I can’t do it myself. I’m not much into dating, but it’s really inconvenient for socializing in general.
Same. If I could skip the initial dating thing and just have an instant SO that I hang out with and enjoy, I’d be pretty happy. But I’m not good at meeting new people. Plus, after enough failed dates, it gets difficult to justify dumping more time into it. It’s so mentally taxing to find someone, get to know them, meet them (and deal with the amount of anxiety that goes into that whole ordeal), it probably doesn’t work out, repeat and try again. So I just hang out with my cat instead.
Oh I get that, just looking for someone has never worked for me either, it’s so much effort and so little chance of working out that I just can’t be bothered. The relationships I had were with people I met through common interests. Like an IRL meeting of an online RPG and stuff like that. It’s so much easier to get to know people when you already have things in common, you can skip most of the annoying parts. Wish I had a cat too, though !
I think this is my issue as well. You always hear about how women hate being approached, and I really don’t want to come across as a creep who hits on women in public.
Yes that really sucks… I’m glad I’m a straight woman so I don’t have it as bad, I just don’t know how guys who have the same problem manage 🫤
Predatory lesbian brainworms, I have forced myself to set the benchmark of “if someone repeatedly compliments your appearance they will probably be flattered even if they don’t reciprocate” and that has helped.
I really struggled to parse your comment but it started making more and more sense. I guess part of my issue was the concept of my appearance being complimented multiple times by non-partners is pretty alien to my own experience, hehe
Generally the comments I get are when I put in effort to my appearance. Putting together a nice outfit, accessorizing, doing something with my hair, putting on a good perfume for the vibe, that sort of thing.
It gives me confidence and a mixture of that + demonstrating thought/intentionality is what I think is what is hot to folks. At least that is my perspective on it when admiring other femmes. I feel like it is something anyone can do in their own way?
I get that men might be afraid of like, being called gay for putting effort into their appearance, but honestly just not having a thin skin is an attractive feature in someone.
Getting past the mean mugging appraisal stare as i approach her
I struggle to take the relationship from “dating to get to know each other” to “dating with sexual interest”. I hate taking the first step and I’m too awkward to make a move or just straight up talk about it. Trying to work on that in therapy currently.
- Decades-long crippling social anxiety
- Money
Face. After that maybe personality
Actually finding people i guess? I meet tons of people with my shared interests but none I want to date. I am demi so maybe that’s part of it
I have trouble wanting to invest all that energy to effectively reduce my own autonomy in the end.
this hits home.
Geographical isolation.
My dick is too big, I make too much money but I am only 6 foot 2
Honestly, social media… Facebook is just absolutely full of bullshit meme’s for every type of occasion, and clicking on a single one sends people down that rabbithole. Eg… Say a person has a breakup with a person who exhibits some narcissistic traits and then relates to a meme about it and clicks on it (or pause too long), next minute the feed is full of gender hating memes, groups and pages to feed that part of the brain, and I think it is incredibly unhealthy. It just seemed a lot easier to meet people before heads were filled with social media influence
oh my god reddit was the worst with this. “Oh my god he had a beer after work? He’s an alcoholic, you can do so much better, DUMP HIM. RED FLAG GET OUT”
I’m an astoundingly selfish person, and unapologetic about it. Makes for having relationships, romantic or otherwise, pretty much impossible.
I’m middle aged, dated, had relationships in the past, etc., and honestly just don’t have the drive to make relationships work. I do the bare minimum to keep my professional relationships in tact, which honestly is exhausting enough, and otherwise just keep to myself. It’s so much easier than when I was trying so hard to pretend I was interested in where another person was coming from or what they were going through. Now at least that effort ends after I clock out for the day, and there’s less socializing where I work, so there’s less of those kinds of social expectations overall.
Huh, reminds me of myself except the unapologetic part (maybe i’ll change over to that someday). I do feel like the selfish/stubborn part of me is insurmountable and incompatible with the types of relationships i envision for myself. Nothing else to contribute, just here to share my thoughts and/or commiserate
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Meeting people, especially since I really dislike the idea of making someone uncomfortable or putting them is such a position. If I’m out in public I do not want to ask out someone who’s working a service job and I rarely talk to people otherwise. So unless there’s a good setting for natural talking to happen it feels rude/unwanted as they just want to do their thing in public.
Dating apps suck now. Thankfully, I met the right person and got rid of them.
Before smartphones, when comms on apps were more like emails, I had much better openings. I can’t be funny or interesting in a few sentences.
Nobody can. You get judged on your photos and the decision is already made before you type a single word. The conversation is just to find excuses to ghost
Better to have loved and gotten rid of, than never to have loved at all.
I think he meant getting rid of dating apps, not the partner
happiness is a trap
