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Guy at work always starts saying sexist shit when no other women are around, maybe wanting to built camaraderie or something? Toxic masculinity is a myth. Women all want the bad boys. No thanks we can avoid the 1:1 convos from now on.
Guy at work always starts saying sexist shit when no other women are around
I misread that as sexiest shit at first and was super confused. “Damn they must be working with some gay ass motherfuckers.”
Ugh.
If you consciously change your behaviour once there’s no women around… Yeah, chances are you won’t see me again unless I’m absolutely forced to.
It’s like some people think they’re contractually obliged to make a sexist joke or some shit. Thankfully I don’t meet these people often.
Micromanagement and the need to take credit for work other people do. Of all the incompetent bosses I’ve had over the years, micromanagers are the worst and all of the micromanagers for whom I’ve worked have been men.
It’s like, dude, you hired me because I know more about doing this task than other people (including you). Stop hovering over me, when I need your input I’ll come get you. Just let me fucking cook. I know what I’m talking about and what I’m going… you employ me specifically because I know what I’m talking about and what I’m doing.
I guess their thought process goes: if I’m not hovering over this person at all times, the company might figure out I don’t know 100% of 100% of everything my employees do day to day… even though that’s insane. What company would require a manager to know absolutely everything about how their employees do their jobs; a manager obviously shouldn’t be completely in the dark about operations but also it’s crazy to think they’d want them to be an expert on everything.
Thought of another trait that is as toxic as it is annoying: apparently a man must outwardly show how attracted he is to “hot” women around him or he must be gay, and apparently that in itself is also implied to be a disappointment.
But then when he does it in front of his girlfriend, he’s being unfaithful. But if he doesn’t express interest in other women then his opinion on his partner’s hotness doesn’t matter because he must not be into women or he’s not macho enough since macho people are supposed to ogle women.
God I’m glad I’m not closeted anymore…(I’m polyamorous, agender, and pansexual).
God, that’s so weird. A boomer aged progressive will some times point out hot women to me. Not even in his age group. It really is just hard coded in that whole generation.
My uncle who asks which peloton instructors I like informing me that he only picks the hot ones.
Like, you’ve been married to a woman for 30 years. I get it, you’re straight.
Not really exclusive to men; women thirsting after hot fitness instructors is a whole trope
Just wish they wouldn’t have to shove it down our throats all the time
Honestly, not checking in on each other.
There are a lot of stereotypes in this thread, and some I’ve encountered, some I haven’t. But I do know that there is an epidemic of loneliness among men, and it is very real and sometimes deadly.
Damn, this needs to be at the top.
Of mind. Seriously. Reach out to your buddies you haven’t heard from in a few weeks. And don’t stop doing that. They’ll appreciate it, and so will you.
Agreed even just sending a stupid meme or a joke shows you were thinking of them and can be a lighthearted convo starter.
Not understanding boundaries and not having/setting them and respecting others’.
You don’t owe shit to anyone and if they make you feel bad, they are often manipulating you. What you choose to do needs to be a hard yes from yourself otherwise its going through motions and can often be inauthentic which is inherently harmful to your sense and integrity of Self
People naturally test these limits and breach them all the time so it happens but you must train yourself to assert your will for yourself and how you respond to trespasses by setting those limits and then strongly upholding them when it comes time to address the opposing force, definitely for those who continue despite knowing the rules of the game you’ve set for yourself
to combine all 3 of the above, i worked with a joe rogan bro who would come up and show me a video of him having abusive sex with a hidden camera footage that the partner wasnt even aware of, to brag about his weekend conquest, then tell me how he stole her soul with surprise anal. then he dared me to show him something better next week.
Wat, people that ridiculous exist?
Satire probably
No I can confirm guys like this exist
I’m not sure why this is a thing more men do, but I can’t agree more. Generally, I associate this kind of behavior with poor emotional intelligence so good advice for literally any kind of relationship with anyone.
The need to make everything into a competition or to one-up any story or anecdote.
That’s nothing!
Ever seen a group of guys stuck in a terminal one-downsmanship spiral of mutual unaccountability?
It’s epic bro. Totally blows the doors off your example.
That reminds me of a story, buddy and me fell overboard and when someone threw us a lifesaver he bet me I couldn’t lap the boat before getting rescued. Long story short we did six laps and we’re both dead now.
Oh yeah?? Well, when I fall overboard, I drown! (Because I can’t swim)
Ngl that’s pretty hardcore
I know plenty of women who do the same
I know more jk
Were talking about the fellas, why even bring this up besides as some weird defensive thing?
I’d say because if we’re trying to find things unique to guys it’s relevant to point out when it isn’t unique.
That’s the joke.
I hope.
Well, men do it better
BUT THE WAHMENS
Case in point.
Being creepy to women. Or worse than creepy
Or masochism, supporting Andrew Tate; those things are usually related.
Did you mean misogyny?
Yep, sorry.
No worries. I feel like you probably do have to be a masochist to consume Tate media of any type, so it still works.
Bullying.
Not a guy, but the one that really gets me is willfully incompetence - particularly around household or family chores (and the mental load associated with them).
Yeah, sorry but this one is just counterproductive. Guys just don’t give a fuck. No one is going around “ooh, what if I pretend I can’t do this task so she then has to do it”. That’s just patriarchy and gender roles for you. Maybe try to have a conversation about the subject of chores without sticking the “you’re evil” tag on the other person. Well, for anything in life really. Also mental load is there for anyone, I see no point in bringing it up in this context. The dudes have to deal with a fair share of mental load as well, specially with all the emotional neglect and immaturity.
“Guys don’t give a fuck.”
That’s it. That’s the toxic trait right there.
“Guys don’t give a fuck.”
That’s it. That’s the toxic trait right there.
I worry you may be misinterpreting the phrase in its particular context, and I’d hate to see that happen.
Kudos for weaving in the toxic trait of infantilizing women.
This is why I think weaponized incompetence is a better term than willful incompetence.
I don’t think it’s even always intentional, conscious, or willful. It’s just, well, “not giving a fuck”, and getting away with it because women are always around to deal with their shit.
Agree about it not always being explicitly thought about. Weaponed also seemed to imply some sort of thought to me, but I couldn’t land on a good word.
Prepared to be roasted alive for this opinion but studies (undoubtedly of white, middle class, US undergrads) seem to indicate women find clutter and messes more psychologically distressing than men do.
I’m a man but I’ve had many deadbeat guys as roommates and I am definitely far more bothered by messes and clutter than they were so I kind of get this.
If you are the “mind it more” person, you will find yourself rage cleaning because the other person can wait you out as long as they want if they are taking you for granted and not concerned you’ll leave over this.
So there are two toxic traits here:
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A willingness to wait out chores even if you know it’s angering people you are with.
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A kind of willful blindness. “Honestly, I didn’t think it was that bad.”
The second one might be worse.
The first is excusable (plausible deniability) with the “men are oblivious” defense if the aggrieved party is not being overt in their request that a chore be done.
The second is a person (some women obviously do this, too) refusing to learn to empathize and recognize when things are getting to the point where it’s bothering the other person. From an interpersonal perspective this is probably more infuriating over the years.
The second is
a personTWO PEOPLE refusing to learn to empathize and recognize when things are getting to the point where it’s bothering the other person.ftfy. I’m sick of society always thinking that men have to learn how to be cleaner. Maybe women should learn how to not freak out over a little mess sometimes.
The onus should not be 100% on men to change. It should be a compromise, and part of it is women learning to relax and undo the ingrained “everything must look perfect” toxic baggage that they have, just as much as men need to learn not to live in a pigsty just because mom isn’t around to clean up after you.
I think the first trait is worse than the second. Waiting to do a chore knowing (1) it needs to be done, and (2) the other person will do it if you hold out long enough is such a jerk move. Although the second isn’t awesome either. I think it is safe to say, don’t do either of these things.
I think you have a point, and it is indeed something different - if two people live together and simply have different preferences or care about different things, it’ll of course lead to some friction.
I think this goes both ways in most relationships. I keep bothering my girlfriend about the bathroom sink and the office desk we share; she complains about me keeping half dirty (half clean) clothes in a pile in the bedroom. That’s not what it’s about, though I think it can get easily confused.
It’s more about the “I don’t know how to use the washing machine/book bus tickets/change bags in the vacuum cleaner/cook a pie/change bedsheets/clean the toilet/make a vinegrette/change diapers/whatever”, where instead of an emphasis on learning the skill it’s only left to the other person.
It’s not all men, but it is common. I think it’s a systematic issue that men don’t carry the full responsibility for. They’re raised by mothers who do everything for them, and while their sisters are taught how to take care of themselves they are simply left to “be boys”. And then they go out in the world and find a woman who can effectively replace their mothers.
It’s the kind of guys who move away from home but keep going back to their mothers whenever they need laundry done.
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What in the Sam Hill …
It’s called “brokedishing” and choosing the right dish to break is an art form.
Damn, that’s way catchier than weaponized incompetence.
I work from home so I typically do the majority of the cleaning; I don’t mind because I’m a bit of a clean freak anyway.
What I found odd is when my wife’s family from Mexico were visiting she turned into a maid and would shoo me away from things like washing a single dish (for example).
Not sure if it was cultural or what but it definitely threw me off — I don’t want her family thinking I’m making her do everything all the time.
Oh, that’s interesting. Could be a family thing. Could also be just a good host thing.
100% a cultural thing. Depending on what part of Mexico they’re from, she may not want them to know that you do any chores. If a woman can’t handle all of the chores herself, it’s seen as a failing.
Super fucked up, but Latin America is in fact super fucked up.
Not letting their girlfriends hang out with other guys.
Huge red flag right there
Needing to be not just right but the most right person in the room about everything
There can only be one
2 former coworkers of mine who always the smartest person they know. One of em lives alone and you can tell he’s never lost an argument (with himself in his head) and anytime he tries to back up his opinion it’s always the same “it’s dumb, it’s stupid, it doesn’t make sense it’s not LoGiCaL”. But anytime you try to chime in…he talks over you.
The other is one of those “I read both sides of the story so I know far far more than you”…who was a one of those reddit knowitalls.
The inability to accept/ ask for help.
Because then they’re told they’re weak…
That the most manly thing you can do is be intimidating. Big muscles, big car, loud car or bike, acting angry or tough. None of these things make you more of a man, in fact offten than not they make you look insecure and less of a man.
I think the most manly thing I do is wear pink, I recently got a custom make shirt,bright pink with a big honkin “I love cowboys” printed on the front. Teenage me would be cringing but my thought is, “if you’re manly, you can handle the color pink”
Side note is old ladies love it
Learn from the bestThey definitely want to talk to you about your favorite Western romance series, just fyi
I mean my girlfriends super into that stuff, so I wouldn’t be too surprised
The need to always seem manly around other men…in particular the choice of music. Ride in the car with certain people, they always have to be blasting hard rock or rap, or hard country depending on your location.
Meanwhile I’m over here enjoying switching between pop, rock, new wave, alt and even my playlist of exclusively Elton John, Phil Collins, Peter Gabriel and Billy Joel
what is hard country
Friend, there’s nothing wrong with enjoying extreme music. Its a bit weird when that’s all someone cares about, but many people have a healthy obsession with extreme music and you shouldn’t judge them for it.
