Well, sometimes people just don’t ever get it and they need to be told to fuck off in very blunt words. I think that usually poisons the well and dries up further conversation, permanently. But I’m not sure if this is the case here. And that strategy possibly comes with other severe consequences. So I won’t recommend it. The mild version of it is to just be direct and honest, skipping any overly kind phrasing.

Another strategy would be to have someone else talk to him… You yourself seem to be getting nowhere. But maybe he listens to other people, or they’re somehow more gifted to get through to people like him.

What also sometimes works (depending on circumstances) are large headphones. They might be part of your work anyways, if you’re doing online-meetings in the office, or you are allowed to listen to music… Either do that and you can’t hear him anyways, or just put them on all day and say “Huh?” 200 times a day and see if he picks up on it. Though, this might not work if he’s stupid, as well. Or he might start tapping you on the shoulder and invade your privacy even more… Idk. But headphones have worked for me in various situations. Especially if they’re big and noticeable.

There’s something called “The Grey Rock Method” you may want to check out. This link is just from a quick search, there may be better sources out there:

https://psychcentral.com/health/grey-rock-method

Have you tried telling him… to leave you alone?

If I may rephrase what I’m reading: You don’t want to tell him to leave you alone because you would be upset if someone told you that.

Here’s the thing: you don’t know that will upset him. TL;DR of the rest of my post: he probably won’t take it the way you would, and I highly recommend being straightforward with him.

I suggest reading about the difference in Ask Culture vs Guess Culture. Those of us who grew up in a guess culture manage our own actions based on what we think will be acceptable to those around us and won’t even initiate something if it would be deemed inappropriate, so it’s rare we have to be told “no”. Those in ask culture will just ask and be totally fine if told no, because they haven’t already done the pre-work to figure out if their request will be approved.

One of the best lessons I’ve had in the past few years is that other people don’t respond like me. I mean, that should be obvious. But it came up in the context of being a manager at work with an underperformer. I would be devastated if my boss told me I was not doing well at my job, and so I was terrified of telling my direct report that. I communicated the gaps in her specific actions for months, but we finally got to a point where I needed to have the conversation that I didn’t think the role was the right fit for her. It was one of the hardest days in my career. And she thanked me for it!

I was so scared because I was imagining how I’d feel hearing what I was going to say. But she’s not me! And instead of being upset, she felt relief to hear someone else say it.

You’re afraid of being rude, and that shows you have compassion and care for others. But I bet you that this coworker of yours just needs to be told, and not communicating with him is actually less kind.

A quote from a favorite book series of mine is a take on our “golden rule” through an alien culture: “The Iron Rule: Treat others less powerful than you however you like. The Silver Rule: Treat others as you’d like to be treated. The Golden Rule: Treat others as they’d like to be treated.”

“Not now, I am busy”

"Great! I need to work now, see you around!’

You don’t need to be boring - I am telling you, working woman to working woman, that is an ineffective strategy with determined guys. You need to convince him you do not have time for him in your full and interesting life.

!dull_mens_club@lemmy.world

Seems like you tried all the regular tricks in the book. Try telling your manager or HR and see if they can do something about it. You want to work and the company does alse but this guy clearly doesn’t.

Holy shit, this is the very same people that later will tell you about how they will “eat the rich” and “deny, despise , defenestrate” (or whatever) every CEO they encounter.

All the meanwhile being incredibly socially stunted and so utterly incapable of even being direct with someone and talking over a perceived issue at work, one of the safest environments they’ll have access to for human interactions.

Totally unhinged, dissociative and disconnected from reality behavior.

If you’re trying to salvage a work relationship and ‘say the right things’ I get it, but sometimes being blunt and abrupt is exactly what’s needed. Something short but courteous like ‘its always great catching up but I need to get to work’ or even more direct like ‘im sorry but I don’t have time to be doing this in the mornings and these conversations are putting me behind on my work.’ or if this isn’t a situation where you’re trying to preserve a work relationship go the abrasive route and state that you’ve tried to be kind but if he doesn’t stop talking to you you’ll be forced to go to HR. You have protections for exactly this situation if you do report to HR.

Buy a Subaru and a nice pair of Doc Martens.

Show him your Warhammer figurines

Just tell him you don’t talk a lot because you need to concentrate at work and you always keep it professional because you wanna separate work and private life.

Small chance it might be awkward for a bit but he will respect it. Unless he is an asshole then you don’t owe friendliness.

People like him are dangerous.

For the love of God, do not directly say it to this person, speak to HR or your supervisor and tell them you are feeling harassed at work and can’t do your job.

If you say anything to the man all he’s going to conclude is that you are against him, and his paranoia will kick in, and he will make problems for you that you can’t anticipate.

He’s an energy vampire. Tread carefully.

“Please, leave me alone.”

Nicely, no more than 2 episodes.

If additional episodes occur:

“Please, leave me alone or I’ll complain to HR.”