Every day, all day, I have to lie to clients at work and tell them I’m good. I’m far from good and lying about it constantly is killing me.
I’m incredibly lonely and almost everything I usually enjoy feels like a goddamn chore.
Anyone else here feel like that? If so, how do y’all cope?
It is tiresome. Its not going to be good unless modern society changes in some extremely significant ways in teh US at least.
I found out that the best way to make (certain) people stop asking it is to just be entirely honest for a change.
Don’t say “I’m fine, thanks. And you?” Launch into a depressing tirade about everything that sucks in your life and the world. Trust me, they’ll never ask again.
Heavenly peace.
Just give a number out of ten.
I’m far from good and lying about it constantly is killing me
I suggest you consider talking to your doctor or a mental health professional. If you feel a long way from ‘good’ some professional assistance might help improve your way.
I’ve been saying “I don’t know” to the “how are you doing” question for about 20 years. It’s pretty good. 95% of the time that’s the end of the conversation. 5% of the time a dialogue that isn’t mundane happens.
Lying in general wears me down, but if I told a client or passer-by how I’m actually doing I’d be drugged out of my mind in a padded room by the end of the week. Occasionally I “squeak by” with a “Any day above ground, right?” This can’t be healthy.
you’d be surprised how hard it is to get sectioned sometimes. I love therapy bc you don’t have to lie like that you can just say everything sucks and why.
I’ve mostly said “good” or “alright” or some of that cause if I tell people how I really feel, they suggest institutionalizing me
“I am enveloped by the cold embrace of the void”
I just stopped saying I’m fine. It’s actually pretty fun to make things awkward. My best situations are usually “been better” and I’m usually more like “pretty shitty, my guy”. People who didn’t mean to ask will just wish me well but the best are when people agree with you and you go on a rant about shitty people for a half hour.
I use “Getting by. We’re all just getting by.” I usually get a reply like, “Ain’t that the truth.” More real, and it invites an attitude of being in it together.
Arrive at work.
Coworker asks, “How are you?”
I respond, “Well, I’m here.”
Coworker nods knowingly.
Have you considered ego death? Abandon concepts like being polite or not rocking the boat. Do something you think might be enjoyable because you can and laugh off others who don’t understand. Life is too short to be normal.
Life is a sandbox game and nowhere it says you need to play it like other people do. I look at the lives of the “average person” and I don’t want what they have so I also don’t see why I should do what they do and expect a different outcome. Ofcourse one doesn’t just choose to not care about what others think - it’s not that easy, but there are small steps you can take towards it that you can do every day.
For example: I like looking at things. Virtually every day I notice something and go: “what is that?” A normal person would maybe look at it while walking by without stopping but not me. I’m the guy others walk by wondering what the hell is he doing. Just yesterday there was this fascinating chain mail curtain that a store uses to close in the cashier window at night and I spent a solid 2 minutes there twiddling with it while the staff was wondering if I’m going to buy something or not. Nah, I’m just studying this thing here.
I grew up in a cult. I learned real quick that the only answer is “I’m fine thanks”. any negativity implied I was out of gods favor and that I was being punished for sinning. So seeking help only ever lead to inquisitorial shit.
As this thread demonstrates, there are plenty of ways to say “I’m doing terrible, actually” without breaking the social contract. If I’m having an awful day, my go-to is “hangin’ in there, how are you?”
The last part is important. Some people don’t want to talk about how you’re doing (maybe they don’t have the emotional bandwidth at the moment, maybe they’re in a hurry, maybe they just don’t care) so give them an out, a clear signal of something else they can discuss without seeming rude. The easiest way is to return the question, but you can also just jump into the imminent topic of conversation, like:
“How are you?”
“Keeping on keeping on. Hey, just wanted to reach out about that thing on page 4, do you have a minute?”
Or if they started the conversation and you don’t know what it’s about, there’s always “Takin’ it one day at a time, eh? What can I do for you?”
The biggest “risk” of this approach is that someone may offer sympathy or ask you what happened, which is a whole new set of protocols. But for me it’s worth it to not have to lie.
I don’t know what your job is but I just either ignore the question immediately moving on, or give a short honest answer. I work at a servo though and that might not work.
Breathing is the answer that gets the best response for me.
Breathing? Just standing there, breathing, without giving an answer? What does breathing mean here?
I say the word breathing.
“How are you today?”
“Breathing”
This question is a piece of the small talk death conversation. I don’t feel it should be asked unless you want to know. But that is me. I also loathe small talk, I feel it’s for people who can’t handle silence and thus demand energy from other to full said silence.
Others ask it like it’s the equivalent of “hello”. Saying the truth is like hearing “hello” and then talking about your life. Saying “hello” back is done by saying “fine”.
Where this messes up the human metric is the habitual responding. A provider enters a room in the morning to ask a hospitalized patient how they feel. Instead of responding honestly the patient says “fine”. Provider leaves to move onto the next patient. After the provider is gone for that day the patient realizes their error, or doesn’t understand why the provider disappeared so fast.
Just stop treating it as communication. It’s a symbolic protocol that means “hello”. It’s a handshake.
And don’t rely on your clients to be the ones you open up to. Join a men’s group or a women’s circling group, so you have someone to communicate with.
