I’m about to start my 12 week paternity leave next week thanks to a state program and almost everyone that I’ve told has had their jaws on the floor that I would even want to do that.
Today I witnessed a group of coworkers almost bragging how little time they took after their kids were born. I’ve heard stuff like “Most men are hard working and want to support their families so they don’t take leave”.
To me it was a no brainer, I’m getting ~85% of my normal pay and I get to take care of my wife, our son and our newborn for 3 whole months. and for someone who hasn’t taken a day breathe in the past 3 years I think I deserve it.
I’m in the US so I know it’s a “strange” concept, but people have seemed genuinely upset, people it doesn’t affect at all. Again, it’s a state program available to almost anyone who’s worked in the past 2 years, I’ve talked to soon to be dads who scoffed at the idea and were happy to use a week of pto and that’s it.
I feel like I’m missing something.
In Sweden each parent get 240 days of parental leave, per kid. I love our parental leave system. I’m very fortunate to be able to spend all that time with my son!
I also had 12 weeks of paternity, but I split mine up. I took 6 weeks (which I feel like was the minimum I should have) at birth to care for the kids and for mama. I split up the other 6 weeks over 2 weeks breaks at different times. It is so important to have dedicated time to bond and care for your child. My relationship with my daughter is amazing and it started so early because I was able to be there and care for her early on. It’s weird that in the past people didn’t have the opportunity to be there and bond with their children. Why should work ever be more important than your own blood. “Supporting” your family by working vs taking paternity leave and also spending time with your kid is a no brainer. I think some people just think work is the most important part of their life. Work is what makes you money to live your life. Don’t forget to live.
I support paternity leave and would like to see it normalized.
You are not missing something, they are.
The first couple of years are the most important for a child’s development. The more you can be there for your kid, the better. And sharing the load of child rearing will increase the bond between you and your spouse. It’s disgusting to see American men reduce “supporting the family” to just bringing home money. Your family needs so much more than that!
I applaud you for taking paternity leave. Most of the criticism towards you is probably a mixture of ignorance and jealously. Take your 12 weeks and come back with a smile on your face and brag how awesome that time was - because it will be.
For comparison: I live in Austria, childcare leave can last from a year to two years and parents can split it 18mo/6mo for instance. Add to that 8 weeks of mandatory “birth time protection” before and after the predicted birth date where mothers aren’t allowed to work by law but receive full salary. I WISH my wife and I could have split our maternity/paternity leave but it didn’t work out financially back then.
Swede here. Taking care of your family means being an active parent and a sharing partner.
I took 18 months paternity leave with our firstborn so my partner could finish their degree.
We took the first 10 months together and then I took an additional 8 months while she got back to work.
Literally zero regret. There’s so many small moments you’ll miss not being around. No amount of money can bring that back. Now that I’m working full time, it fucking hurts just seeing the kid basically just for dinner and bedtime during the week.
That is an absolute no-brainer. Pay aside, take care of family.
That’s the whole purpose of the pay anyhow, money is just an odd totem that we allow to take care of our families.
Plus, you get to hang out with the little one for 3 months! Your wife loves you even better. It’s wins all the way down.
In the deceptively simple, yet seemingly complex social conundrum, you’re practically insulting two or several of their generations.
You see, their daddy and granddaddy before them didn’t need no paternity leave and their kids (as in themselves) turned out to be just fine! Now here you are coddling and spoiling your children rotten, proving everything wrong with the newer generations!
How can a man provide food on the table, a roof over their heads and clothes on their backs by sitting at home and playing with their kids? Unthinkable! Unconscionable! Un-American!
Or so a theory goes…
Oregon has this and it was amazing to take 12 weeks of paternity. We can also split it up, so I did part time for like 30 weeks. Kept us from needing to find childcare until she was almost 1.
Fuck your coworkers opinions. Even the 12 weeks I got is nothing compared to my Norwegian coworkers.
Honestly it took me years to lose the American work mindset. It was destroying my brain.
Take the leave and feel no shame. Others are reacting because you taking leave challenges their understanding of work. Something that is exceedingly rare in the US.
I’m about to start my 12 week paternity leave next week thanks to a state program and almost everyone that I’ve told has had their jaws on the floor that I would even want to do that.
That’s actually getting close to the amount some of the worse countries in Europe give.
To me it was a no brainer, I’m getting ~85% of my normal pay and I get to take care of my wife, our son and our newborn for 3 whole months
The only reason I could see not to do that is if that 15% would leave finances so tight you couldn’t turn on the heating. But as you probably spend more that that on comminuting absolutely no brainer.
My company in the UK only gives 2 weeks paternity so most guys save and use all their holiday for the year to bring their total time off to 9 weeks.
That’s actually getting close to the amount some of the worse countries in Europe give.
Wrong. Statutory paternity leave in most European countries is less than a month, with a minimum of 2 weeks or 10 working days mandated by the EU. Of course companies may decide to give you more, but that highly depends on your place of work and thus is not a fair source of comparison.
Source: just came from 14 working days of pat leave and am European. My friend who works for a different company got 2 months, part of which he’s able to take at a later date (not immediately after child birth) if he so chooses.
Would you be happier doing what those people did? I don’t think so. But they might have been happier doing it that way. You do you, you’ve earned it! Enjoy the extra time with your family, you may not get another chance like this for a long time!
Sounds like attitude of wage slaves that have been brainwashed into doing everything for the corpos and being fine with getting scrap. They live to work as opposed to work to live.
Can’t change the slave mentality of some people. They were just born to be one.
I absolutely love that you’re doing this and I think paid leave for this, child and family care up to 30 weeks should be easily doable, as well as quality education and quality affordable health care and quality, affordable food, housing, clothing and utilities. Livable wages too.
I don’t intend to get kids but my coworkers have them once in a while.
I think you should have some. I don’t think it should be a matter of pride to not take any.
