Damn. I’m taking stock of everything we’ve lost in the headline:

• no reference to “slammed,” “burned,” or other intense attack words
• accurate summary of the situation
• nothing overstated
• no key details left out
• isn’t a listicle
• nothing inviting the reader to see more by promising the rest of the headline in the article, none of that saved-you-a-click shit

My god, this might actually be good honest journalism!

According to authorities, the Rhesus monkeys were on their way to a testing facility in Florida

“Florida Man’s Outbreak Monkeys on the Rampage in Mississippi”

If you go back and re-read the article, you’ll find it’s been edited, and now has no mention of any diseases and says the monkeys weren’t infectious. So I think it was clickbait, after all.