You know, the guy who’s been having that same angry conversation about the same fucking thing he’s been obsessed with for the last 5 years and demands that you take his view while going on long monologues and then immediately interrupting anyone who tries to get a word in edgewise? And then goes into a weeks-long suicidal despair if you try to leave the conversation? Any way to deal with that?
You could try bring an overactive listener. Ask a lot of questions “What does that mean?” “Can you give examples?” if you time them right, it’ll completely mess up his for when he’s monologuing.
Or, at the very least, you can have fun trying to see who can ask the stupidest question about Uncle Dave’s obsession.
Or, make it all about you, but only with that person.
“When that happened to ME…”
“That reminds me of the time <totally unrelated thing in your life>….”
“I have a friend who’s an expert in that and HE said….”
Even more fun… Ask random unrelated questions until they break…
What was the horsepower of a 1971 horsepower?
Where did the “curiosity killed the cat” come from?
What is the square root of 144?
How many moons does the earth have? (this is fun because it’s anywhere from 0 to 1 to 2 to many depending on the definition of moon of which there is no formal definition)
Answer to all of those questions: 12.
Slap your knees , say “whelp…” then stand up and walk away.
How to admit you are from the Midwest without directly admitting it…😉
Sounded pretty German to me in terms of behaviour LOL
Guys I’m 43 and my generation is already turning the “fuck this shit” dial in half. If you guys are younger than 35 please PLEASE turn it all the way up!
Your abusive uncle, your homophobic aunt, you shithead brother and your permissive parents FUCK THEM.If you have to “deal with it” to spend time with people you love they don’t love you back.
I’ve been working inpatient psychiatry for almost a decade now and here’s how we talk people out of delusions…
…you don’t. Confronting the delusion directly helps their brain practice protecting the false belief system and strengthens the neural links / pathways. It’s like the ruts made by a wagon wheel, the more the wagon travels the path the deeper they get. All you can do is send the wagon somewhere else and wait for the ruts to erode on their own.
So if you really do love this person and want to bring them out of it, do your best to send the wagon somewhere else. Just glaze over for a second while they rant, then change the subject. Try to connect over knitting or gardening or woodworking or music or old movies or sports or whatever other hobby or social activity / discussion you can use to connect with them over that’s reality based.
That’s how COVID sucked them into all this. It broke up the knitting groups and gardening clubs and cooking classes and all anybody had left to socialize with was Facebook conspiracies. If we want out, we need to focus on rebuilding those communities.
I managed to get out of a Christian cult and I just wanna say that the wagon metaphor is painfully accurate.
Just politely say “I don’t want to talk about that, let’s talk about tv shows, what’s your favorite comedy right now?” (Or whatever other mutually fun topic you want to talk about.) If he tries to keep talking about the topic just repeat that you’re not gonna talk about that and offer a second new topic. If he still wants to keep talking about it say “alright I’m gonna go talk to someone else about a different topic, I’ll catch you later”, then walk away from him. If he gets sad because of that then it’s not your fault or responsibility
you just don’t invite those people. if it’s out of your control, then you don’t engage
Be honest before inviting them, that if they behave that way they should stay away. Any suicidal ideation should be discussed with their psychiatrist. There is no shame in cutting ties with toxic people.
Do not get together with family.
I am hosting a Friendsgiving at my business this year for friends. Other than my wife and kid’s, no family was invited. If I wanted to deal with them I would go to their thing.
It sounds like OP does want to get together with some of their family, they just don’t know how to deal with that one individual
Turn it into a drinking game with your cooler family members…like, “Every time uncle dan says something racist, take a drink”
Someone who becomes suicidal because you won’t listen to them rant is addicted to power and control. You’d ultimately be doing them a favor helping them wean themselves off it. You can’t be responsible for someone’s actions in this state. It’s a diametric opposite to, say, someone who is depressed/suicidal because they cannot afford food. They do not need you to listen to them. Tell them to fuck off.
“can we talk about something else? How’s your pet doing btw?”
Some of you lack very basic communication skills.
“Why can’t you talk about real issues? My dog is going to get eaten if Joe Biden becomes president.”
Basic communication crumbles after 4 Bud Lights.
Tbf I wouldn’t be coherent if I had to drink 4 bud lights
That sounds alike a different problem other than politics ngl
I broke contact with my family over twenty years ago. I learned that blood doesn’t make family, good relationships do.
You know that quote “Blood is thicker than water”?
The entire quote is “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb”.
We found our family, and that bond is as strong as any blood.
I just wish I had gotten away and found them sooner.
Set healthy boundaries.
“I don’t want to keep talking about this today.”
And then leave the room.
If they make suicidal threats.
“If you’re serious I’m going to have to call a welfare check.”
If you engage even one out of ten times, you’re reinforcing it. You can redirect the conversation. Talk to another person, change the subject, completely disengage with them on that specific topic.
You can set expectations privately going in. Set the boundaries. Reiterate them gently but firmly in a general manner. Polite and businesslike when the forbidden topic comes up, cheerful and interested when any other topic comes up. Again, never directly engaging with the forbidden topic.
All this assumes you still want to get along with this person.
why do you want those people in your life even if they are relatives?
If they can’t take a “sorry uncle Bob, but I disagree with everything you think of X. Why don’t we just avoid this and enjoy dinner”, then they are too emotionally immature/toxic to have in your life
