I find it interesting that some people are strictly monogamous while others are on the complete opposite end of the spectrum and prefer exclusively non-monogamous arrangements. I respect all variations; I’m just curious about the influences behind them. Personally, I’m monogamous myself, but I’m okay with my husband being with other women as long as I don’t feel neglected and he’s discreet about it. I think this perspective has been influenced by my parents’ marriage.

  • ulterno@programming.devEnglish
    3·
    2 months ago

    I consider it mainly a point of communication and managing expectations.

    If A wants multiple sexual partners, but also wants B, while B doesn’t want their partner to have anyone else, then A can:

    • give up on B and go on with other partners
    • repress their desires in favour of B and not tell B about it. Get married
      • eventually A gets frustrated with B and asks to end their relationship
    • lie to B and get married to them and then go around their backs, doing whatever

    You can easily see the cases where it doesn’t work out.
    There are more cases…

    • B wants A and asks for a relationship. A tells B their expectations. Then you get one of:
      • B represses their desires leading to eventual frustration
      • B understands the incompatibility and looks for someone else
    • B wants A and asks for a relationship. A doesn’t tell B their properties and B is working with incomplete/wrong information.

    Either way, the important part is to not fixate on getting a specific person who you only know a little about, just to end up in an undesirable situation later on.
    But it is also important to convey these things before getting the other to make any sort of commitment.