I find it interesting that some people are strictly monogamous while others are on the complete opposite end of the spectrum and prefer exclusively non-monogamous arrangements. I respect all variations; I’m just curious about the influences behind them. Personally, I’m monogamous myself, but I’m okay with my husband being with other women as long as I don’t feel neglected and he’s discreet about it. I think this perspective has been influenced by my parents’ marriage.

  • Oka@sopuli.xyz
    4·
    2 months ago

    Well said. I think all your points are valid and forward-thinking. I believe a monogamous non-married relationship fits me best with similar expectations:

    • We may grow apart at some point (and shouldn’t force it to work)
    • We may find someone who suits us better (it sucks, but we’re humans seeking a better tomorrow)
    • We dont own each other, or owe our lives (we are individuals with our own needs)

    Why a polycule doesn’t work for me:

    • Jealousy and other relationship drama that I dont want to deal with
    • My attention is divided among several people, my work, hobbies, etc. It sounds overwhelming.
    • There’s not enough time to remember everything about everyone, and that feels like a more superficial relationship.

    I met someone recently and discovered we have sexual compatibility, but not romantic. Hypothetically, I can see how having another person involved could fill that romantic need. Maybe one day.

    • JCSpark@lemmy.ca
      2·
      2 months ago

      Excellent points. Every relationship is valid, and only we can determine what works for ourselves. I choose poly and CNM because I have an abundance of love to offer, and know I can’t find everything I need in one person.

      I appreciate the concerns about jealousy and division of attention. Those are common concerns, and often seen in any relationship. For me, jealousy is a fear of loss. If I’m not afraid to lose my partner, what am I afraid of? This is what led me to understand that I was envious of someone spending time with her, not that I was afraid to lose her.

      As for the division of time, that is definitely a concern. If I don’t balmace and manage my relationships properly, someone will feel neglected, and that’s not okay. Having two partners requires additional effort, communication, and vulnerability. I can’t get away with shit, and I have continually own up to my actions with full accountability.

      That all being said, my parents are a model of sustainable, healthy monogamy, and I treasure that. They’ve been an example of what’s also possible, and I would never discount that. If people are open and honest with themselves and others, any relationship can be just as healthy and sustainable.