It’s not normal.
Zero times over my life.
I had great parents, who had a rule that I could just tell them any fuck ups and mistakes and they wouldn’t get angry and help me.
On the other hand, I was an incredibly boring teenager whose worst bad habits were staying up too late reading books in bed.
Same, never got searched. It was a shock when I got older and learned that some kids regularly had their rooms turned over. The idea had never occurred to me that this could even be a thing, because I always felt safe in my room and felt my ‘secrets’ were safe too - even if they were mostly harmless secrets.
I was also not a kid who caused much trouble however, and you might argue “well there’s the reason.”
That might be true, but i think it’s mostly the other way around.
The one time as an older child I actually did something pretty bad, my friends all got grounded by their parents, but I didn’t. My mum just looked me in the eyes after I’d confessed, and said “Don’t do that again” - and I felt so disappointed in myself that I knew I wouldn’t. I didn’t need to be grounded, because I loved my mother and cared what she thought, and the regret I felt in that moment was punishment enough.
If you ransack your kid’s room on the regular, you’ll only create a person who grows up to resent you, and learns to hide from you and lie to you. Everyone deserves a place they feel safe in, and is theirs, even children.
My mother would do this when I was a teenager, pissed me off and made me a paranoid. It’s not normal and now I live 1500 km away from my parents, visiting them one time every 2 years just for the family obligation and saving face.
99% of the problems I’m trying to solve in therapy comes from my upbringing.
So yeah, not optimal situation, try to grow from this, learn to grow out of this situation.
Man, I didn’t even get privacy on the toilet. If I was taking a shit, and dad wanted a shower, he’d just open the door and go take a shower.
Hope he enjoys the stinky shower xD
He never did, and he always blamed me for his inability to wait. Either I’d get in trouble for flushing and changing his water temperature, or I’d get in trouble for not flushing and stinking up the bathroom.
All the fucking time. I hated it, and I have issues with trust now as an adult because of it. I’m super protective of my space, in so much that it takes a while to even let a partner in to my bedroom. My parents were constantly going through my things, looking for anything they could punish me for. I was raised super religious and they had it in their head that all teenagers hide porn, booze, and weed. When they never found any, they just looked more. It was a fucking nightmare. I moved out of there as soon as I could, literally into a closet where I slept next to the water heater. Anything to get out of that house.
It is not normal, and you need to have boundaries. The whole “it’s my house and my rules” is bullshit. You are a human being and should be treated like one.
