Two years ago, when I was 16, my dad tried to set me up with one of his business partners. I told him off, and he never tried that again. Soon after that, I met this guy through my friends, and we started dating. He’s only one year older than me, so it’s age-appropriate. It’s a very laid-back and fun relationship, but we have to keep it low-key since we live in the Gulf region, and he’s a native. Due to sociocultural, religious, and even legal factors, he’s not supposed to date. However, like many of these wealthy native Gulf families, they do everything they’re not supposed to do on the down low. I don’t know if it will necessarily last long-term, but for now, we’re having a good time.
She was a Native American girl who was six days younger than I. (We were 15) She had the deepest dark eyes and long black hair that went to her butt. She showed me all sorts of music I’d never heard before. It was a long time ago, but we got along well. Sadly I did the typical teenager thing and dumped her for someone else. That someone else was a bad fit and I should have stayed with the heavy metal Indian chick. (as she described herself)
Met her second year of uni. I must’ve been 20-26.
She drank too much and developed mental problems. She ditched me for a job abroad and came back blaming depression.
The sex was great. Like really great. I wish I was 20 again.
She realized far, far sooner than I did, that we’d made better friends than lovers. By the time I figured it out myself, we’d already split up and gone our separate ways. I haven’t seen her since, aside from one kinda shitty night where she’d cheated on her boyfriend… with my roommate. And that was several years ago.
In retrospect (35-40 years ago now) she was the keeper. She was sweet, quirky and supportive. Liked rock/metal, concerts, games, generally nerdy stuff like me. But…like a teenage dude as soon as someone exotic and hot showed interest I broke up with her. That exotic one “dear john lettered” me in basic training before Desert Storm and slept will all my friends. I think there’s a lesson in there somewhere.
Two years ago, when I was 16, my dad tried to set me up with one of his business partners.
Is no one gonna talk about this?
You did, and that’s why your comment is at the top.
Way too long comment incoming:
I do want to comment on this being a cultural thing. I think @ICastFist@programming.dev could be right about where this… something I learned early in college in basically Sociology 101 and Psychology 101 was to not judge other cultures based off of my/our own values because they have a different value set. Here’s the thing, these value sets that other countries have - and fuck, even America apparently - and this “value” or belief or law specifically, really aid in the abuse of children and/or women.
For example, something we’ve seen for 40 years has been women in the Middle East (ME) standing up and dying for fair treatment. While I disagree with the use of messaging that GOP representatives are using against MEasterners this cycle - it is racist and I deplore it - this is what they are pointing to, and it is still a big problem that these women are fighting.
We’ve seen a similar fight in Japan recently. Women pushing for higher age of consent (AoC) and stricter standards around it, too.
This may help illustrate. I was an investigator of child abuse. For this conversation, you have to understand that legal definitions and upholding them are ant least partially about feasibility. For example here is how child abuse is defined and how an act meets it:
- Was it a child (<18 years)
- Does perp have Care, Custody, and Control?
- Was there harm (physical, emotional, or sexual) to the child?
- did that harm get caused purposefully?
- Was it NOT a part of reasonable* discipline? If all these are met, I could take the child and assign the case to family (not criminal) court.
*I added “reasonable” because sexual acts can count as discipline in a defense, but it would get thrown out. And yes, that is something I came across.
Here is the point I wanted to make:
In the state I’m from it USED TO be that there were 2 (technically ranges) AoC. 14-17, and 17-19. Anyone under 14 was off limits, anyone between 14-17 could have sex, and while 18 was the “legal” AoC, you could “get around” this at 17 because parents can’t report crimes against the “adult,” the child (who the law technically sees as an adult) has to. I use present tense because it’s still a thing.
Aside: Now, I think it’s obvious since I wrote it, but what do you think the two ages of consent are?
If you feel gross after that, that’s expected.
My thesis statement no one is asking for at the end: I think it’s a cop out to say that “when we study another culture we cannot apply our own values.” The reason is we can study cultures, but still plainly see some things as disgusting. Like, I HATE the idea of incest in porn. I find the concept of “shota” and “loli” abhorrent. And I think it’s ok to see this all that way. Just because I see them in other cultures (even my own, really), doesn’t make them a net-neutral that we shouldn’t support the changing of.
If OP meant Persian Gulf, that kind of explains itself. In many muslim societies, the father will get someone for his daughter(s). 16 is probably legal in their country, that or something its populace would consider “eh, close enough”
The sex was great (and kind of ruined me for those who came afterwards). The rest of the relationship ranged from okay to incredibly stressful depending on what was going on in her head at the moment. She had mental health problems. Probably went on longer than it should have because I didn’t think I’d be able to find someone else. I will say she took more care not to hurt me than some of the women I dated since.
lol. I was a big nerd and outside of a bit of dating only had one significant relationship before my wife and I was in my upper twenties at that point.
Mine was awful. I was 19. I look back at it and think that I could have been different, though. I should say she was abusive. But I also could have been more understanding and less obtuse. Would it have changed things? I wouldn’t bet money on it.
I’d tell my 19 year old self to lighten up. The things he cares about aren’t the things that matter to me now: looks, smoking weed, even “faithfulness.” Though, the last one would in a sense. But what really matters is that she treated me like shit.
We were in college and it lasted about 18 months. It was great for that phase of our lives. We were just two young adults/kids figuring it out.
She was so gorgeous and a lot of fun. That was really nice as a college kid. We just got bored of each other.
We’ve been married for 32 years, together for 39, and we raised three kids.
Yeesh, please no. She had issues and I was horny.
Everyone ought to have that relationship once, one of the best life experiences anyone could ask for.
my first relationship, 20 years ago, was highly tumultuous. We were HEAVILY codependent on each other. 0/10 would not do it again.
Yeah this is pretty much my first relationship.
Holy shit what a mess.
She was highly intelligent and serious, and i was funny, but dumb. It was always doomed to fail solely on account of my stupidity and lack of respect. I didn’t really have an understanding of people and relationships then.
Another drop of regret among its oceanic brethren.Like a very long setup to a very shitty punchline. We were very good friends when we started dating, hurt the hell out of each other for a year or so, broke up, got back together for another painful year or two, broke up, hooked up very briefly again a year or two later. I couldnt figure out why I didn’t want to sleep with him and we pretended this was a totally normal way to deal with things. The punchline was that I am asexual and didn’t figure it out until like 5 years later and a couple more failed relationships.
We were really good friends though. His grandmother called me on Christmas and my birthday for years after we broke up. She is lovely.
He is a good guy but we both needed a lot of therapy. Hope he is happier now.
