I cook at home because of restaurant prices and tip culture. Driving everywhere sucks. Everything feels miles away so good luck walking.
Imagine finding the perfect partner, getting married, moving in together etc.
Now that you’re married and that’s all settled, where do the two of you go for fun? Where do the two of you go to get out of the house?
Go there.
Always gonna plug disc sports when threads like this pop up. Ultimate Frisbee is fun and if you live in even a minor city there’s usually a rec league to join. Has the best culture of any sport IMO, full of the chilliest most accepting people who are always looking for more people to join and with rec leagues people will sometimes go out to the bar after to hang out.
Disc golf is also great for meeting people if you’re not as into cardio. Can join tournaments and they’ll usually pair you up with people. Or just go solo to the course and occasionally someone else will offer to let you join their round or if you’re waiting with another solo at a hole you can offer to let them join you.
Both are also very cheap activities, Frisbee you just need cleats and to pay ~$50 for a rec league season. Disc golf is basically free once you get discs.
You simply don’t—you die alone.
Enjoy. 👌
Best answer I’ve ever had for this was ‘find something to support.’ It can be anything. Just find a space where you have people trying to do something for the benefit of others with some bare minimum cost of entry. The group coming from people trying to help others will bias it toward nicer people. The cost of entry, even something small like $5/mo or physically present volunteering, deters anonymous trolling.
The other good option is classes. Doing things to improve your skills in something is generally worthwhile anyway, but it also puts you in contact with other people who share an interest.
Volunteer. Audition for community theater. Get a job. Join a hiking group. Take an adult learning class. Download a dating app. Get yourself out there.
it’s a good way to meet new people. i do many of those things. none of them are good for meeting young single women.
I was responding to OP asking about friends and relationships, so not just “young single women.” But I did also say try a dating app. Singles is pretty much all those are for.
Obviously no one can give you town-specific suggestions but are bars and restaurants the only things women do you where you live? I’d be very surprised if that’s true.
You have to consider: Do you actually want to meet a young woman who hangs out in bars, restaurants and airports? Spend all night talking about her Gucci bag from Dubai or some shit?
If those are the options you have, I’d choose the old married lesbian any day.
Traveling - notoriously not a hobby.
meetups, conventions, conferences, concerts, bars, hobbies, etc. It might be easier for me because I live in a very populous region, but I’ve found it pretty easy to meet people. 90%+ of those people don’t end up becoming long term friends, but that’s just how it is.
Also, the easiest way to start a conversation is to ask a question. “Hey what’s that?” “What are you doing?” It takes time to get a good feel for whether or not someone is actually looking for a conversation based on their response, but it is a skill anyone can learn and there’s generally no harm in short chats with strangers in public spaces.
Coed recreational sports team. Lots of them are mostly social with a little bit of sports tossed in. And almost all of them are looking for more players.
Bouldering is the goat sport for this. Lots of little downtime in between routes which leaves room for talking. But you also always have something to talk about and compliment etc.
What do you enjoy doing that’s not work and not “adulting”?
Find a hobby. Then find a group that shares that hobby. Clean up a park day, maybe.
Or find a charity or nonprofit that needs volunteers.
The local library probably has things going on, too.
Find a third space whether it’s the magic the gsthering shop and shop tournies or church or a knitting circle ran by the local yarn shop.
Museums too. There are a decent number that have “adults night” now.
That’s a great suggestion! They also tend to host specific exhibits and events that give good opportunities to meet people with similar interests.
Plus they’re just fun. One in a small city by me has an exhibit on local glass manufacturing techniques from the previous turn of the century and how some were invented locally, comparing them to ceramic techniques from across the globe and time. Absolutely fascinating stuff.
Work and shared hobbies. I recently went to buy some hardwood from a work colleague. We don’t even work the same shift but they’re fond of asking what I’m building or showing me what they’re building because who else are they going to talk to about their hobby (I imagine).
We’re not friends, but there’s this hobby. I get there and it’s not a mere business transaction nor do we talk work. It almost had a kid feel to it. Like when you crossed the hedge to the yard of the kid next door and he welcomes you because it’s more fun if you can show off and share your toys. Only as adults. Kudos on reclaiming a small piece of that.
Adulthood is such a roadblock sometimes.
Being an adult is hard, in so many different ways.
I miss kindergarten.
Naps, cookies, juice boxes, why did we ever stop that?
I just woke up from a nap, and now I’m eating cookies. Don’t have any juice boxes on hand tho; a can of cola will have to do.
I love being an adult. It’s amazing.
I absolutely hated Kindergarten.
Being subjected to the whims of clueless adults is miserable.
Sounds exactly like adult life with a job when you phrase it that way.
as an adult you can choose a job where you don’t have to do that.
That is not a choice that everyone can make.
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Many people live in towns with fewer than five companies, with poor internet access. Many people have to keep odd schedules because of family care obligations. Many people are functionally illiterate. Many people have criminal convictions. There are a lot of things that can limit your ability to leave a job you already have.
Many people do accept work conditions worse than they have to, but not every worker is flexible enough to choose their work.
Work and hobbies
Get a hobby, go to events, find social circles, and drink at the sort of bars you can chat with strangers at.
Hey, I’ve also made long term friends from underground raves/sex dungeons. It’s a totally valid way to make friends. Like so many other methods, you already have a shared interest, that’s a springboard to explore if you’re otherwise compatible as buddies.
Church
I’m guessing you don’t want to hear “the bar”.
Hobby groups. For board games, hiking, sports, etc.
You already have a shared interest, makes things easier.
This is how I did it. You just have to find the like minded individuals and put in the time to get to know them. I did it through meetup.com some, word of mouth of events from other friends, and just talking a chance and talking to someone who seemed chill from work. Some of my best friends now.
I hope Mayberry is nice grandpa. This isn’t the world anymore. If it was you wouldn’t be reading this post.
This has been just over the past couple years for me. It absolutely still is the world if you aren’t a jackass
Every comment you made in this post has basically been agism wrapped in a cultural mask. I get you’re mad at your parents but you’re also going to be old someday whether you like it or not.
It’s also just that it’s easier to talk to people while doing things. Chatting over a task/project/activity is kinda just what people do
True! Making friends out of strangers isn’t really all that difficult, but it does take some practice in being a normal human being and talking to people you just run into.
The sense of community in America is really dying out hard as people isolate themselves further in their little islands of homes and apartments and only socially exist online. But it is possible to just chat with some person you meet in the park while going for a walk without being a weirdo, just many people have forgotten how.
There’s a group of guys I meet up with in the warmer months to fish for bass under a bridge. How’d I meet them? I was fishing for trout in a lake and one of em asked if I had any bites. We had a normal chat between fishers, asking about what we’re targeting, what kinda bait and lures we’re using, comparing successes and failures. I peppered in some info about myself, e.g. mentioned a local noodle bar I liked, mentioned my partner, he did the same, we felt we were similar enough, he invited me to join him and his friends and now we meet up every couple of weeks between April and October.
You just gotta talk to people and not make it weird.
Yeah, it’s a difficult and scary skill to learn, and it begins with the much maligned small talk. Small talk is just easy ways to feel out another person so you might become more comfortable with each other. You just practice it with strangers until you’re comfortable doing it in general, and from there you can move to get better at conversing. It really is just a skill people can learn.
Plenty of people here are social. They just are not open to meeting new people, new ideas, let alone people that are different than them.
They want everyone everything to be the same. That’s what is super weird to me, personally. They get super hostile to you once they realize you aren’t like them, even if you are polite and kind.
I’ve had people try to start physical fights with me the past couple of years over differences of opinion or hobbies. That never happened to me ever in my life until recently. It sucks. The hostility is intense in a way that it never was before.
“I’ve had people try to start physical fights with me the past couple of years over differences of opinion or hobbies.” “No woman from a dating app has ever wanted to be my friend unless she was trying to get in my pants and I wasn’t into her.”
Do you think maybe there’s a common denominator here?
I found bars full of people with self abuse issues.
Then the other things seem more useful for you in particular.
I met my eventual spouse an art gallery opening. Amazing how certain settings filter out the detritus of society.
every art person i ever dated was a rich douchebag that hated people for not being rich.
real winners they were.-
Public art museum, not a private gallery that sells shitty art.
Yeah, that’s exactly where I met them. They go to both.
